Friday, April 4, 2008

The Tale of Two Ho-Bags

So Smurfette's getting ready for bed last night and the following conversation takes place:

Smurfette: "Mommy, it smells really bad in my room....it smells like ink right next to my baby's crib."

Me: "INK!?" (I'm thinking, how the hell does she even know what ink smells like?)

Smurfette: "Yeah, and now my blanky's gonna smell like ink"

Me: "Let's go sniff....(we go to her room together) "hmmmm, yuck! It kinda smells like pee-pee"...."I hope Gracie didn't pee on your carpet"....I walk around feeling for a wet spot on her carpet....I then get down on all fours sniffing the carpet....can't tell where the odor is coming from.....

Smurfette: "maybe it's C's diaper"

Me: "Huh? What do you mean C's diaper....where?"

Smurfette: "Right there!" and she points to a nasty, pee soaked pull-up sitting in her baby's crib.

C is my niece....she spent the night over 10 days ago......!!!!!!!!!!!!



Hubby went to the Tigers' opening day Monday. He went with a few colleagues and they were in a suite. So he tells me the following story....

We were all (a bunch of business men in their suits) standing around mingling and talking amongst ourselves when out of no where two ho-bags stumble in the door (K...those weren't his exact words...I'm paraphrasing here). Actually, I think he used the term "suite groupies". Suite groupies???!!! Seriously??!!

The ho-bags suite groupies stumbled through the door and said "ummm....mignd ifwe useurbafroom?"

business men: "ummm...no?"

The ho bags suite groupies disappeared into the bathroom. They stumble out 15 minutes later with cigarette in hand very obviously high as a kite...on God knows what. "ummmm....gan we shmoke in ere?" stumble stumble....

business men: "ummmm....no?"

ho-bags suite groupies: "oh...gan we shmoke out dare?" stumble stumble

business men: "ummmm.....no?"

ho-bags suite groupies: "oh....well...anyovyuuu whanna go ou dare an shmoke an makeout" stumble stumble...

business men: "ummmm...no? I think we're good."




There's no moral to this story...just thought it was funny.

12 comments:

We are THAT Family said...

OMG! YUCK! That is so funny. It's amazing how those diapers can hold their smell. Why is that not on a commercial?

common mom said...

Yick yuck icky! It's amazing what you might find in a child's room - a room that you visit many times during any given day :-)

And I had NO CLUE there was such a thing as a suite groupie . . . really?

Colleen said...

I love that you had the restraint to keep typing "suite groupies". I would have just said "hoochies".

Bahama Mama said...

What on earth is a suite groupie? While funny that story made me also kind of sad. Where are these horrible women being raised?

UFCfans said...

I ran across your blog while reading Kelly's and saw a preview of "two ho-bags" so I HAD to come by and read it! I'm with Bahama Mama - where were these women raised? Actually Colleen said it best - hoochies indeed. Ew.

The diaper story was very funny!

Amanda said...

I LOVE your phoenetic spelling of drunken hoochie speak...fantastic!

And I almost gagged reading bout the diaper. Ew.

Marni Tiani Self said...

Can someone please tell me how you do the line through the words? I love that. You're story was awesome!

OHmommy said...

OOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhh man.

Oh man.

THAT totally sounds lke it would have happened at my house.

LOL.

I love the new pic of you an the hubby, It is new, yes?

LittlePaintedPolkaDots said...

Pee, ink, what's the difference?! Too funny.

LittlePaintedPolkaDots said...

So this has nothing to do with this post, but one way back in the archives (your pity party with no drinking or singing...lol). Did you love the book "Eat, Pray, Love?" I did! Did you want to do everything she did at each stage of the book? I sure did. That book is still sitting on my nightstand. Loved it!

THopgood said...

Lisa, YES! I loved that book. I've been loaning it out to friends every chance I get because I think every woman should read it! I think I need a guru! LOL!

Marni...and anyone else that wants to know...the slash through the word you type the following:

K, never mind that...It won't let me...I'll post the directions in today's blog post.

Oh Mommy, sorry dont know your name =) and anyone else who's wondering...the picture of Dan & I is newly POSTED but not newly TAKEN. It was taken in Aug 2005 during our 10 year anniv. trip and unfortunately, it's the last good photo of the two of us that I could find. I really need to get better about that.

Heather J. said...

Toothpaste.
Old Diapers.
Ho Bags......

Dude your life is so much more interesting than mine.