Monday, September 22, 2008

Saying Good-Bye

Ever since I first started blogging family and friends occasionally question me about the safety of talking about and posting photos of my family on the Internet. I've had a very callous attitude about it because.....well.....I don't know....just because. Maybe because I'm naive.



All of that has changed.....literally, over night.



Because of one person.



So, Dave...if you're reading this....I'm ratting you out.



You all know that several days ago I wrote a post that didn't go over very well with a couple folks. I had the comments turned off to avoid receiving hate mail but comments were left on the previous post anyway. Since it was a previous post I wasn't checking them from my computer on a regular basis like I ordinarily would. I did, however, notice a deleted comment from someone named Dave. I don't know a Dave. I've never received a comment from anyone named Dave. I have my blog set up to send all comments to my email.....bet you didn't know that Dave...did you? The problem with that is sometimes comments/emails get overlooked because I don't check my email on a regular basis either. So Dave's comment (that was sent to my email before he deleted it) went overlooked. I did not see it.



Please stay with me as I AM going somewhere with this.....



So, in response to Saturday's post, I received this lovely comment from David:



"I loved the post but of course did not comment as they were turned off.I did want you to know that I followed your marathon blog as my wife is battling Leukemia and did the Nike Womens marathon in San Fran with Team in Training, while briefly in remission in 2005.She still battles as it keeps coming back.Even after a full stem cell transplant, it came back full bore last week!With her this week in the hospital fighting for her life, I find it hard to get into a philosophical/political discussion with anyone.I like your point of view, and agree that we need to put family first. I also appreciate what you wrote in your Marathon blog.Keep up the good work!David"



I thought to myself......How nice. A lurker coming out of the closet. And Leukemia....UGH.... tough break. I wondered if this was the same Dave that deleted his comment from the previous post....hmmmm....whatever.



So I mosey on over to Dave's blog. And am completely mortified at the hardships that his family is facing. His wife has been battling leukemia since 2005....was thought to be in remission....but has recently relapsed. He, after a freakish illness, is now deaf and has recently received cochlear implants. And he has a 14 year old son. His posts were inspiring. And a little sad. And a little intriguing. I was engrossed in his story for close to an hour last night. I left him several supportive comments.



I then went back to my own comments and decided to check and see if the deleted comment from Dave was indeed the same Dave. I clicked the link and yep....sure is....hmmmm....that's odd. I wonder why he said he didn't leave a comment when he actually did but deleted it. Oh well.



So then I received another comment from Dave in response to the comments that I left him on HIS blog....



"thank you for your warm kind comments. It means much to me. I so enjoy your posts and look forward to them. I hope you continue to work with Team in training if you get the opportunity. We have raised a lot of money up here for them, and continue our efforts.Your blog is amazing!" David



What a nice guy.



So then I mosey on over to my email late last night and realize that my inbox is ridiculously full with blog comment emails so I start sifting through my emails to delete them from my inbox. And guess what I found Dave......your comment before you deleted it....



You see, Dave is the one that left the nasty comment but then deleted it and reposted it as an anonymous comment under a girl's name. Which in and of itself probably wouldn't bother me. I would have just seen him as a coward for doing something like that under a false name and not necessarily an unstable freak. I probably would have forgiven him for being so nasty and cowardly and moved on. That comment was not meant to show a constructive opposing view....it was meant to me malicious and condescending. Dave couldn't come up with a valid constructive argument and so chose to be mean instead. Whatever. But here's where I start thinking he's an unstable freak.....re-reading his most recent comments...."I loved the post but of course did not comment as they were turned off." Ummm.....liar.... & "Your blog is amazing!" I'm sorry....but I do believe you called me "hate-filled, greedy, and selfish" just two days ago. And now you've changed your tune??!! So now not only do I question your stability but I'm also questioning your legitimacy. I'm guessing your entire blog is a farce.



Then I decide to take a look at my stat counter....it's been awhile....and now I see that there is someone in a very close town to me that has been to my blog over 30 times in the last 4 days. I'm more than a little freaked out people....that's just creepy....and I was up half the night wondering if I now have my very own crazy stalker guy (Kori, you have ruined me forever....you've turned me into a basket case). Now, in Dave's defense, I have no idea if this is him....as I have no idea where Dave lives. But when I couple all these things together.....Yeah, I'm a little freaked out. And now questioning how smart it is to be throwing "my life" out there and talking so intimately about my family for the world to see.



Am I being irrational? Maybe. But I don't care. I'm leaving this bloggy world for awhile. I may come back in the future but if I do it'll be to a more secure blog....as in maybe an invitation only blog. I'll have to look into that. I'll still be reading all your posts....my bloggy friends.....you'll be seeing me around. Just not here for awhile.

Edited to add: As of right now, until I figure out what I'm going to do....I'm changing my comment settings. All comments will have to be approved by me before publishing. And Anonymous comments are no longer allowed. If you can't back up your comment with a name then you are not welcome here.

25 comments:

balancedmeltingpot.com said...

I just stumbled on your blog and find it very interesting. I'm sorry to hear that you will be stepping out for a while. Hope you're not gone too long...

R.L.Scovens said...

I hate that you're not gonna be posting for awhile; but you never can be too careful about people. I don't blame you. Just come back when you're comfortable.

LittlePaintedPolkaDots said...

Wow girl. I have the heebie jeebies. I read your post like I would any good suspense story. I wanted to know about Dave. Is Dave Anne C. from Cali (or whereever it said?) I am so sorry that the wackadoodle has gotten to you and caused you to feel that you need to give up what you seemed to have loved. I get it though. Completely. I will miss reading your blog though!

Marni's Organized Mess said...

OMG we are so in the same boat.

I just posted a bullshit thing about this last night. Some fucker won't tell me who they are and it's too close to home to make me sit well with it. :( I closed mine up for a while and hope to open it when I trust they aren't reading. :(

I was so thinking of you last night too because you and I share our full names and stuff and it's been starting to really scare me with all the traffic I have been getting.

PS. I made my blog private for the time being. Email me if you want me to add you to the safe list! :) I'm monitoring my traffic a bit.
marniself@sbcglobal(dot)net

Leslie said...

Oh no Tammy! I'm so sorry. See? It's always that one horrible rotten person who ruins it for everybody. I'm sorry that Dave, or whoever it is, is even out there doing this, being hateful. I'll miss your posts. But when you return, I'll be here. I totally understand, and would feel the exact same way if I were you. (((hugs)))

Brooke said...

Dont be gone too long! Let me know if you start something else up.

jessica @pianomomsicle said...

i'll really miss hearing what's going on in your life, but i completely understand why you're doing this. Sorry this sucky thing has happened. :(

*bloggy hugs*

Tracey said...

I am so sorry all that happened to you. I too check all comments before they are published. I allow anonymous but don't publish if they are nasty. I hope you stick around or if you go private...PLEASE INVITE ME! BEST OF LUCK AND GOD BLESS!

Backpacking Dad said...

Crap. I'd use stronger language, but this is a family show.

Christy said...

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I had my own scare with an internet stalker, but it turned out to be a real life friend who had stumbled upon my blog.

I hope you decide to continue blogging.

April said...

I hope you're able to put this behind you. It saddens me that people - of any opinion - feel forced into silence. It goes against the grain of what it should mean to be a part of the blogging community, or - in our case - an American. I hope the safeguards help you come back very, very soon.

Colleen said...

Oy! I feel for ya, hon! (I say that with a wink, of course!) I'm sad that these A-HOLES could force you to eliminate from your life something you obviously enjoy, but obviously understand how creepy the situation really is! I hope you come back to bloggy land, and that you'll think of me and let me know where you land!

BTW - on your original post - HEAR FUCKING HEAR! I'm all for contributing money to worthwhile causes, but DAMN. It should be on MY schedule and up to me to decide how much $$ I give and to whom, not the governments'!

Ashley said...

I hate that you are leaving, as I've just found your blog. I do understand though. Hopefully Dave or whoever it is will not be a problem. I, too, am very open about my family/life - hopefully there will be no problems.

I also wanted to let you know that I do disagree with you on your political post (respectfully) but I didn't leave you a comment on previous posts because I figured there was a reason you didn't want comments. I think partisanship in this country has become too cut throat. I don't know why we have to put others down for having opposing beliefs. We are allowed to have different beliefs and can share that through civil discourse and voting (or in our case - blogging). Having said that, I do think you were a little harsh to Biden (and the rest of us) in particular (as a progressive Democrat I've heard far too often the cry of 'unpatriotic' when we question the necessity of this war and the judgment of our current administration). But that is your choice. Also, (to respond to one of the commenters) any household making more than $250,000 (the top 5% of Americans) will pay a slight percentage more in their taxes while the other 95% will see their taxes remain the same or decrease slightly. I think this is fair.

Kori said...

Will you email me daily anyway? Becuase I will MISS you, even though I totally understand. TOTALLY. though am sorry to have helped push you over the ende into paranoia, ha.

The Cabrelli's said...

Sorry you have been so freaked out Tammy! I get the same questions from folks too - mostly about using real names. If it makes you feel any better the reason why I don't worry is because I am in the internet business. I know how hard it is to get people to find you at all. Honestly - it is next to impossible :-) But to get a dangerous crazy person to find you, who happens lives close to you, who could figure out who you were - is about as likely as getting struck by lightening. Especially amongst the community you are blogging with.

I wouldn't worry if I were you - it was a nasty comment and a wierd blip in your traffic conspiring to just generally freak you out. Don't go too far because we will miss you.

Bahama Mama

Domestic Accident said...

Oh, Tammy, you have every right to be weirded out by that. I'm freaked out for you. I hope your break doesn't last too long because I will miss you terribly. Your part of my daily blog trip. Stay safe.

Dana said...

NO.... i will be sad forever if you leave! Please don't I will miss visiting you very day!

Kelly said...

I have to hear this story in person cuz I a very confused!

MomOf3 said...

I hopped over here from the Zen of Motherhood. Bummer about your stalker. I hope you find a way to come back to the bogging world safely!!

Mama Zen said...

Tammy, this just sucks! I totally understand where you're coming from, but I hope that this is just a temporary break!

jodieboedie said...

I'll miss reading your blog . . . but I totally understand. I'll keep checking back, hoping to see a new post some day :-)

http://www.commonmom.com

Happy2bme said...

Wow!! That is really scary and pathetic for someone to be doing that. I will keep checking back to see if you write anymore posts. Keep your chin up. I hope you'll be back soon.

Nicki Mann said...

Well, thats just freaky! Its weird that he made up an alter-ego so he could say negative things to you, while commenting more positive things as his regular self. If you can't say something as your own self, then why bother saying it at all?

Rozzbin said...

So sad :-( to see you go.

OHmommy said...

Yay. I have had my fair share of really bad comments and stalkers. But. I have had my fair share of AWESOME comments and people.

Do NOT let one looser break you.