Saturday, September 13, 2008

Republican, Democrat, or Southern Republican?

I don't talk politics on my blog...or in person for that matter. 90% of my family is democratic. I am not. I call myself a republican with democratic tendencies.

I have found over the years (albeit a little late) that people get entirely too fired up over the issues and take it VERY personally when you don't agree with them. I think it's ridiculous. If you're going to get pissy with me over my views...then quite frankly....we weren't meant to be friends. So I, for the most part, keep my views to myself.

A couple years ago I received this email below that had me in tears laughing hysterically. It's lame....I know.....but in an effort to lighten up the barrage of serious political blog posts and perhaps put a smile on someone's face I've decided to share it with you.

Enjoy....

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock .40 calibre, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

Republican's Answer:

BANG!.......

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.......


Southern Republican Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click "Damn! I'm out!"

Daughter: "Nice pattern Daddy! Were those the Silver Tips, black talons, or them new Hollow Points?"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one Daddy?"
Wife: "You ain't takin' THAT to no Taxidermist!"

7 comments:

Kate @ Life As I Live It said...

LOL - I guess I was probably raised by a Southern Republican, from the sounds of it. :)

Kelly said...

Bang Bang Bang Bang!!!!!!!!!

Leslie said...

ROFL. :) Loved that!!
And Amen to what you just said. I could have written that same post.
Thanks for the laugh.

LittlePaintedPolkaDots said...

LOL - Oh politics! They make me want to scream or cry. That's why I choose to not say much at all...lol!

April said...

Yeah, I had to laugh at that one!
You already know where I stand.

Domestic Accident said...

Learning to keep my mouth shut about politics is a much needed skill I must acquire. Funny post!

Backpacking Dad said...

Holy how-am-I-friends-with-you-Batman? :}

Green Party answer: "Bang. Wait. was that bullet reclaimed steel and reusable lead? Pull that sucker out of his forehead. We can shoot seven more bastards with that thing before it disintegrates. Yeah yeah, everyone deserves to live etc. But dude was wearing fur."