Reason #287 - Why we might be rednecks -

I'm trying so very hard to raise my boys to be gentlemen. It's not going so well.

My oldest will be turning 12 in less than 2 weeks. And since we'd rather not have to remortgage our home to cover any further baby sitter wages we've decided to start experimenting with leaving the kids at home for short periods of time.

"This is a test"

"I'm testing you"

"Don't abuse your power"

"Don't answer the door"

"Don't answer the phone (unless it's me)"

And most importantly....

"No fighting!"

I left the oldest with the youngest for approximately 30 minutes while I went to pick up Dreamy (the middle child).

I returned home to find the youngest crying.

Smurfette: "Hefty was being mean to me."

Hefty: "I was not being mean to her mom (he starts crying)....I was only trying to tell her the things she does that gets on our nerves....like whining and tattling and being bossy....but I was telling her nicely....and then I asked her what she wanted to do....do you want to play a game? Do you want to do a puzzle? And she was being a brat and she REJECTED me! (still crying) She rejected me so I told her that was the last time I would ever try to be nice to her. And now she's tattling on me again."

Me: "Can't we all just get along. Smurfette, if you want the boys to be nice to you....you need to start being a little nicer to them. Go give your brother a hug and show him how much you love him"

Smurfette: (still sobbing) No mom! (hiccup sob) I'm not hugging them any more! (hiccup sob) Cuz every time (hiccup sob) I give them a hug they TRY (hiccup sob) to squeeze out a fart!"

I tried to show dismay. I tried to bite my cheek and give my son "the look". But dude.....(insert southern drawl) I don't care who you are, that's there's funny right there...