We need a cure for Stupid Bird Syndrome....

Friday I was sitting on my back patio with a book while the boys and all their neighborhood friends were playing football. Smurfette says..."Mom, go get your camera and take a picture of me"...she's my little camera diva...

"Take a picture of me Hopping like a bunny"

"Take a picture of me acting like Hannah Montana"

"Take a picture of my muscles"

And then the boys got jealous and decided they wanted to participate...

Look at these two little studs of mine! LOL!

I went back to the lounge chair to read and Smurfette joins me and asks if she can share my seat with me. We squeezed in and she says...

"Mama, can we chat"

Me: LOL..."sure, what would you like to chat about"

Smurfette: "I don't know. It's nice out today isn't it?...the birds sound pretty."

Me: "It sure is, I missed this nice weather"

Smurfette: She jumps up from her seat and says "OOO... MAMA LOOK ....THAT STUPID BIRD IS BACK!!" She points up in the tall pear tree that is right next to the patio.

And sitting on the very top of the tree is indeed that "stupid bird"....

One lonely cardinal.

No, I don't condone the "S" word in my house but there truly is no other appropriate adjective to describe this stupid bird. And this "stupid" bird is back!

All last summer this bird tormented us.

The tree that I just mentioned is beside our patio and near our master bedroom window. This bird would start at the butt crack of dawn and continuously body slam himself into our bedroom window....


ALL . DAY . LONG!

THWACK...........THWACK.........THWACK..........THWACK..........THWACK.........THWACK
It would begin at 6am in the morning ....


EVERY....SINGLE.....MORNING......

Now, you all know by now that I've been on this happiness quest of mine for quite some time but this "STUPID" bird was messing with me at 6 am in the morning....I think I've also mentioned that I'm not the most pleasant person in the world when I can't sleep....This "STUPID" bird was preventing my happiness....toying with me and my happiness at 6 am in the morning..... EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING!

We were kind'a hope'n he'd body slam himself one too many times and knock the stupidness out of himself....but this didn't happen......So I googled "stupid bird syndrome" (ie. why is this stupid bird body slamming into my window at the butt crack of dawn and waking my ass up)....and the first thing I read suggested I purchase and place a fake owl somewhere near the tree....it'll scare the bird away....

So we did. I purchased this ugly plastic owl and put it outside our bedroom window so we could be the stupid neighbors with the ugly plastic owl in the yard save this bird from himself.


It didn't work. My bird was too stupid to scare.


The next morning at 5:59 am he started again....


THWACK.......THWACK........THWACK..........THWACK........THWACK.......THWACK......


over and over and over and over and over again.....


....Until I was leaning over my husband in bed with my head spinning, eyes rolled to the back of my head, and teeth clenched shut and I grabbed his kahunas and I said with my best "Chuckie" impersonation "shoot that bird or I'll dismember you".....

RELAX! I didn't actually say that....but that's what I was thinking.....


So we googled "stupid bird syndrome" again and discovered that this charming cardinal was chasing his reflection in the window because he thought it was another bird and he was protecting his territory....which explains why this all started after we washed all the windows....


We ended up having to buy a netting to tape over the window so this bird couldn't see it's reflexion. We then became the "stupid neighbors with the ugly netting taped to their window"...

It worked for awhile....until....he started seeing himself in my great room window....UGH!



This bird is back and nesting in our tree again....


We've already washed the windows....


It's only a matter of time.....

I'm not above hiring a hit man....