No "Mom of the Year" awards here!

It seems I have been deceiving my new dear bloggy friends into believing I'm a "really good mom".

I pride myself on my honesty and so I feel I must set the record straight.

My new bloggy friend Kristin sent me this lovely yet ridiculously delusional comment yesterday......

"Your home looks like a nice place to be. You seem like a really good mom."


This comment put a smile on my face....NOT the kind of smile that says "it's true and I'm happy that someone recognizes it"....

NOT the kind of smile that says "hey, you know what, darn it, I AM a good mom".......

but the kind of smile that says....."Kristin...Kristin....Kristin......you are a funny delusional girl!"....with just a touch of "MWAHAHAHAHA.....SUCKERS!"

If you ask my kids right now what they think of their mother I guaranfuck'ntee you they'd respond with a snort and an emphatic rolling of eyeballs....and then just walk away without an answer. I'm pretty sure my oldest thinks I'm a bitch after yesterday morning's battle when the following conversation took place......

Hefty: Mom, after school can you take me up to Dick's sporting goods so I can buy a pellet gun.
Me: NO
Hefty: Why not, I'll buy it with my own money.
Me: Because you already have one (my brother bought it for him for Christmas) and they make me nervous and I don't like them.
Hefty: MOM (insert eyeroll and throw arms in air).....they're not dangerous....I'm careful....No one will get hurt.....I promise.....
Me: Hefty I said no....this is not open for discussion....you can argue till you're blue in the face...my answer will still be no.
Hefty: OH MY GOD!! (eye roll) (stomp off) (insert a few grumbled words under breath) (insert some more dramatic shakes of the head.....you know the "I can't believe my mom is such a bitch" head shake).

And my middle child hates me right now as he's grounded till the end of the school year. I found out SUNDAY NIGHT that he has a 2 minute speech that he's suppose to be working on and he didn't do ANY of it despite his teacher giving the class time to work on it during school. He was suppose to have the rough draft of his speech ready for yesterday and he's also suppose to have a visual aid. Why did I not know about this? Because the weekly newletter that my son was given almost TWO WEEKS AGO was crumpled up and shoved into the bottom of his backpack and I NEVER GOT IT! I screamed asked him ever so calmly last night what on earth he was doing during the class time he was given for the past 2 weeks. His response? Doing research! Like "duh".


My daughter still worships me and the ground I walk on and thinks I'm the most perfect, beautiful, and cool mommy in all of mommy land. But she's still young. I still have time to change her mind!

And that brings me to Rosey. Our sweet new puppy is climbing my and my husband's shit list ladder. This puppy reFUSES to go pee outside. We have had her out for 3 hours straight knowing full well that she has to go. We will finally give up after a few hours and think maybe she went and we just missed it....because who wants to sit outside ALL DAY watching for a puppy to pee....and we'll bring her in the house....and not 30 seconds later she's peeing on my floor. We were told to put her in the crate immediately if she doesn't pee outside and just take her back outside every 10 minutes until she goes because "dogs won't pee in their own crate"......yeah....RIGHT! It worked for Gracie but not this one. We put her in the crate and she pees EVERY TIME within seconds of being put in there. And, yes, the crate is very tiny with a divider so she has very little room. We've done everything we've been told to do....and she still hasn't peed. She's had 3 baths already since we got her on Saturday and several rinse downs because she pees in her crate and just lays in it. My house reeks like urine. She is now confined to the kitchen until we can get her trained. My husband says last night....referring to Rosey......."she's broken." Then called Randy (Kelly's husband) to ask if they'd be interested in trading puppies.

We were spoiled by Gracie. She was so darn easy to train. It took her a while to learn how to bark at the door to let us know she had to go but as long as we diligently let her out every couple hours she wouldn't have accidents. The few accidents she DID have were our own fault.

Does anyone have any potty training advice....I realize it's only been 3 days....I realize I'm sounding unrealistic in my expectations..... but she WILL NOT pee outside. I don't mind cleaning up accidents as long as I'm seeing some type of progress or HOPE....I'm not seeing any hope....I can't praise her because she won't go pee outside. So WTF do I do???!!!! Yesterday I did start with the loud "NO" and pointing her nose to her pee....(I've been told to actually rub her nose in it but I draw the line there....that's just mean and nasty) I always catch her in the act because I'm always watching her like a hawk.....and I always put her immediately outside. We always put her outside when we see her sniffing about....but we get outside and she won't go....and YES we sit for hours waiting.

Advice.....PLEASE.......

So you see Kristin.....you have been mislead. There will be no "Mom of the Year" nominations in my future.....and I'm OK with that....