My charming sons may not make it to their teenage years!

We received ANOTHER phone call from the school on Wednesday....this would be #3 since the beginning of the school year. Hefty Smurf has inherited his mother's knack for speaking before engaging his brain. I'm not even going to put in here what he said because, quite frankly, I'M embarrassed! The things that come from his mouth should not be coming from a 10 year old's mouth. He's such a good kid....he's a straight "A" student....his teachers love him and tell me what a wonderful sense of humor he has.......BUT........he doesn't think before he opens his mouth. The sad thing is...my mom received the exact same phone call from my gym teacher....Mrs. Porter....aka "Torpedo Tits"..... about my "mouth" back when I was in 7th or 8th grade (I was a LITTLE older). We let the 1st 2 incidents slide with a stern warning but felt that maybe we need to get tougher this time.....So we made him write a note of apology to his teacher explaining that it won't happen again and why swearing is inappropriate anywhere...but especially in school....and he is now my slave child for the next week....maybe a week of slavery will clean his mouth up....& if not.....at least I got something out of all this aggravation!

That same day....Dreamy Smurf says to me...."mom, I punched a kid today at recess....BUT....he threw the 1st punch"......OH MY GOD where did these kids come from!!?? He then promptly reminded me that some time ago we had a conversation & I told him it was ok to defend himself...if someone hits him and he sees no other option to defend himself ......then ....no I won't be angry with him for hitting someone in self defense. Some parents may have a problem with that but my kids are going to be the little guys and may be more prone to being picked on so I want them to not fear defending themselves. Anyway....apparently this kid has been bothering him for awhile at recess and (according to Dreamy) just ran up to him and punched him right in the stomache "for no reason"......so....Dreamy punched him back. Dreamy Smurf may be small but he's very strong from gymnastics. According to Dreamy the kid hasn't bothered him since. I wanted to give him a high five but decided it probably wasn't the parental thing to do.....so.....I instead said if he bothers you again maybe you should just tell one of the recess ladies. Another parent of the year award down the drain.

Talking to myself again....

I received a phone call yesterday and the more I think about the conversation that took place...the angrier I get. This person was a long lost friend of mine that I met when I was 15 and lost touch with once I got married. He found me online through myspace and got my number from information. Haven't seen or spoken to him in almost 12 years.

I'm not very good at stating an effective argument when I've been insulted off guard. I sit there dumbfounded with my mouth hanging open like an idiot wondering how anyone would act like that....then when the conversation is complete I go over and over in my head the things I SHOULD have said. So this blog entry is my conversation with my self....

The beginning of the conversation started off pretty typical....How've you been? How's life? How's the family? That's great....glad to hear it....so on and so forth....but then the conversation took a dramatic leap.....he says...."well the reason I called is because I've become very involved in my Baptist church...blah blah blah....we're working on inviting people to join our church.....blah blah blah....and I wanted to invite you and your family to join us for our service this Sunday." At this point I'll be honest and say that I was a little taken aback by the drastic shift in the conversation...but whatever....I told him politely that I appreciated the invitation but my husband and I are very happy with our church and have no interest in switching.

him: "oh....are you still going to catholic church?"

me: "no".....I told him the story about the last experience we had with the catholic church and why we left and how we then went on a search for a church...explained that we found this church because we heard so many people speak so highly of it and we decided to try a service and it ended up being a perfect fit for us.

him: "can I ask which church"

me: "sure....we go to Kensington"

him: "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TTAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMY!!!" His voice is just dripping with a condescending arrogance that immediately makes my eyebrows raise and the hairs on my neck stand.....I'm pretty sure I'm about to be attacked.....

me: complete silence

him: "that's not a church....that's just a 'feel good' service"

me: "that's probably why I like it....it makes me feel good and inspired when I leave...and my kids love going because it makes THEM 'feel good'"

him: "church is suppose to teach you the word of the Lord and how you can be a better person not just make you feel good"

me: "huh" this is the point that I pretty much went silent and tried to change the subject because my face was turning purple and I was getting just a smidge upset at this guys' pompous attitude. "again, I can honestly say that I will NOT be joining the Baptist religion."

him: (refusing to take no for an answer)....."can I ask why not"

me: "it's just not for me.....it's not for my husband....or for our family....and we're happy where we're at"

him: (again, refusing to take no for an answer)...but how can you say that when you don't know anything about our religion.

me: "I know enough to know that I don't want to be a part of it"......If I wasn't turned off before I certainly am after THIS conversation. One of my best friends growing up was Baptist and I know that the way her family was is NOT the way I want my family to be. Her father was a very arrogant, pompous, opinionated, judgemental, holier than thow person who made me feel that I would be going straight to hell for not believing in what they believed in....they were constantly trying to "save" me from myself by bringing me to their baptist church services....It irked me then and it irks me now....but I would never sit before them and tell them that MY church is BETTER....good for them for finding something that works for their family. Same thing with the Catholic religion....I've always had my issues with the hypocrisy of the catholic religion....you can sin as many times as you want but just come confess those sins to another sinning priest whose computer is filled with child pornography and do your assigned penance and you'll be absolved of those sins so you can start fresh this week.......the incident with Jordyn's Baptism was just the last straw. But I certainly don't look down on those that still follow the catholic religion....good for them for finding something that works for their family. When the whole baptism thing went down I had someone say to me....I understand how you feel but don't give up on the catholic religion....I can't leave the church because I just can't help but think that one day there will come a time when I'll really need someone....someone to lean on....give me advice...or help with a severe problem.." To which I responded "I can't ever imagine something so horrible in my life happening that I would chose to confide in a priest over friends or family".......but.....I'm glad that the Catholic Church gives YOU that sense of security.

The arrogant, pompous, know-it-all, judgemental, opinionated ways of these churches is EXACTLY the reason we don't go there.....

I found the following description at Kensington's website and it sums up our church and the reasons we love our church beautifully!

At Kensington, Our pastors are real people with real solutions to real problems. They tackle tough issues head on with practical advice straight from the Bible. They show how God wants to be involved in our lives and the help only he can offer. And they do it in real, everyday language we can all understand.
No Hymns, No Pews, And No Excuses Not To Come. Instead of an organ and choir, we have a dynamic band playing music that matters to you. Instead of ritual and routine, we have compelling dramas, comedy skits, and exciting multi-media. All designed to present biblical truths and how they apply to your everyday life.
A New Way To Do Church. Our casual, relaxed atmosphere is a place to investigate Christianity without guilt or pressure. A place to grow spiritually at your own pace. With unconditional love, support, and acceptance during your journey. No strings attached. So come as you are. Go as you want to be. From modern dance to computer animation, we approach church with a wide range of artistic expression and a sense of humor. And we build this freshness and fun into our children's and youth programs, too.

K I'm done....I feel better......

I was mistaken...

turns out it wasn't brain cancer after all...imagine that......just the beginnings of a cold. I've been a germophobe for the past month avoiding contact with my entire family as they have 1 by 1 gone through a nasty head/chest cold. My hands are raw and chapped from washing them countless times a day. I've been very conscious about keeping my hands away from my mouth...I'm a compulsive cuticle bitter....no kisses....hugs only....and still......the germs won. Get out the finger violins...I'm officially miserable....and currently wallowing in self pity...very unbecoming I know...but there you have it...I'm a wallower.

I have brain cancer again.....

My head hurts....I mean really hurts....the kind of hurt that can only be caused by cancer...I'm guessing the tumor is located directly behind my eyeballs. By my best estimations I have approximately 1 hour before brain matter will start oozing from my ears and nostrils....2 hours before my eyes pop from their sockets from the pressure....and 3 hours before death....

jk......kinda.......

ran 9 miles yesterday with Dianne and her friend. It Felt awesome.....no soreness today.... I'm back on the fitness wagon. Took a class this afternoon at the gym that hits and strengthens every major muscle group. I'll be hurting tomorrow. Gave up....again....on the whole diet thing....trying to do Atkins during Halloween just wasn't one of my more brilliant ideas. Every year after Halloween the boys' school does the forgotten harvest candy collection asking each kid to bring in any extra candy they don't want for underprivileged kids in the area. Last year after trick or treating....I handed each of the 3 kids a gallon sized zip lock bag and told them to fill it for the forgotten harvest... with 3 kids' worth of trick or treating we had a ridiculous amount of candy. So my oldest takes the bag and tells the others "well we may as well just give away all the chocolate because you know mom's just going to eat it all anyway!".......brat....go to your room!.........LOL......

Stop making me laugh I'm trying to be mad at you!

So, me and my darling husband were perched in front of the tv and realized it was getting late. Time for the kids to get ready for bed. So we call them upstairs from the dungeon to begin the inevitable ritualistic scream fest that takes place almost nightly in our home...asking the boys to shut the lights off down stairs...they come up 10 minutes later the lights are still on...."boys I asked you to shut the lights off"...."oh yeah, sorry"....they go down stairs and turn the main lights off but the tv and bathroom lights are still on...10 minutes later, "boys did you shut ALL the lights off?" ....."I think so".....they go back down stairs....and so on....and so on.....it usually takes 1/2 an hour to get everything turned off in the basement. This is a nightly occurance....



Then the brushing of the teeth begins.....



"go brush your teeth".............Apparently they didn't hear me........"GO brush your teeth".........still didn't hear me.........."DREAMY, look at me ....I said LOOK at me and FOCUS.......GO.....BRUSH........YOUR........TEETH"......."oh OK....geez.....you don't have to yell I'm right here". Now my jaws are hurting from grinding my teeth. I'm trying to count to ten and deep breathe. Then they spend the next 15 minutes in the bathroom laughing and carrying on abnoxiously....... I here things banging around ...they must be wrestling again.....until I'm yelling because I still don't hear the water running....I enter the bathroom and they're standing in front of the mirror making silly faces and smearing toothpaste on the counter and picking on Smurfette until she's screaming....."BRUUUSSSSSHHHHH YYYYOOOUUURRRRRR TTTEEEEEEEETH!!!!!!!!" My eyes are rolling to the back of my head my head is spinning and my face is turning purple......Brushing teeth shouldn't be a 45 minute venture....2 minutes max.....so I'm irritated and telling the boys that we really don't have to go through this every night if they would just listen and focus on doing what I ask them to do all our lives would be so much easier......I'm trying to give them "The Look".......but through my voice as they are in the bathroom while I'm talking from the great room.....and as I'm giving them my stern speech they come prancing into the great room like this.......

I'm guessing my stern speech became ineffective once I started laughing at their goofyness.

It's a bird....it's a plane....no...it's just me running down the street in my skivies!

I now know why people spend thousands of dollars on vet bills for their dogs. I hang my head in shame when I say......I used to be one of those people that would stare at pet owners in bafflement when they say they payed ungodly amounts to have their pets treated at the vet. I mean it's JUST a dog.....right??!! I....and the rest of my family.....have in the last 5 months fallen completely & madly in love with our little Gracie and so have reluctantly succumbed to this money pit of madness. She's just the cutest damn thing you ever saw. But besides that....we've already paid an arm and a leg for Gracie and so I feel we're already financially invested. There's no turning back now.

So a couple weeks ago I decided that it was time to invest further.....this decision came one night after I let her out to go potty....oh my God....did I just say potty....ugh.....and my darling dog decided to go chasing after something. She was running in the middle of the street in the pitch black of night (we have no street lights)....I was in my pajamas....and thinking that if a car drives down the street they'll never see her so I was running down the middle of the street in the hopes that they'd see me in my skivees and come to a screeching halt. I chased after her to almost the end of our block before finally catching her. Thank God for all this marathon training....6 months ago I would have made it 3 houses before saying.... "to Hell with it ....sianara pup"! That was it. We need an electric fence.

Then, 3 days ago, Justin's friend who lives one block over on the busiest street in our sub came waltzing over with our dog in his arms to tell us that Gracie had been in front of their house in the street. Apparently my kids who had been told to let Gracie out to go potty a half hour prior to this had forgotten about her....needless to say....Gracie wandered off.

This brings me to today's highlight....had Invisible Fence come out to give us their shpeel....I'm sold. No more standing in the cold rain waiting for Gracie to sniff out her spot....and then praying she won't make me chase her. In 1 month she will be electronically fenced in.....yahoo!

So, to all my neighbors....put your binoculars away...there will be no more nightly comedy shows!

It's all an act!

My darling daughter has been labeled as "shy"....she's slow to warm up to people and tends to "assume the position" with her head buried in my thighs when someone she doesn't know tries to talk to her. I discovered last week that this "shyness" that she displays has been an act all along! She's smarter than I gave her credit for! For several months now there is a gymnastics coach at our gym that is always saying "Hi Smurfette"...but Smurfette immediately assumes the position. Last week the coach says..."Smurfette....why won't you say "hi" to me....one of these days I'll get you to say "hi" ". So when the coach left the room ....Smurfette's head emerges from my thighs and she sneaks a peak from the corner of her eye to make sure she has indeed left the room.....

me: "Smurfette, when someone says hi to you...you should say "hi" back...you're not being very nice....you're going to hurt her feelings."

Smurfette: "Nahhhh......I won't hurt her feelings.......she thinks I'm cute."

I truly believe that this "shy" act has all along been her way of cranking up the "cuteness factor"......where on earth does she get this from......