Smurfland Lowdown

THURSDAY: We had a fantastic Thanksgiving. Kids were finally feeling better. Fevers were gone. I was feeling particularly nostalgic and grateful this year. We are blessed. I'm so grateful for the health of my children. One of my husband's employees has a 3 year old daughter recently diagnosed with leukemia and she is struggling through the worst of her treatment right now. How did we get so lucky?

I'm enormously grateful that my husband has a relatively stable job (vigorously knocking on wood as that could no doubt change at any given moment). People all around us are losing jobs right and left. We are watching friends, neighbors, and family hanging on to their jobs and homes by a thread. There are no less than a dozen (possibly 2 dozen) homes in foreclosure in my subdivision alone. I believe the morale in MI is probably twice as grim as that in the rest of the US. How did we get so lucky?

I'm incredibly grateful for all my family and friends and their love and support. So many people have so few to turn to. How did we get so lucky?

I feel like I could be tempting fate by asking this...so I'll shut up now.


Our Thanksgiving was spent at my Aunt and Uncle's home with the rest of my family....

This was only half of the food....the rest was put out shortly after I took this photo...

yummmm........

salute.....

After dinner my cousin was showing one of the kids how to make an origami bird out of a dollar bill. And the kids all thought that was the coolest and they all had to have one. Before long my cousin, my mom, and my Aunt had an origami procession going. Until we ran out of dollar bills.

If you pull his tail his wings flap. You wish your family had this kind of talent! =)

Guess what happens when the wife takes the keys from the drunk husband and leaves drunk husband in the passenger seat in charge of holding the pumpkin pie......

FRIDAY: I woke up feel'n a little yucky. I went to the store. Ran a few errands. Came home to my gorgeous DD's excitement. "Mama...guess what.....(she smiles)"

She was so excited to tell me that while eating a cup cake her tooth fell out. In my mind I was thinking "the tooth fairy must write herself a note to remind her to stop here tonight." I don't know what's going on with the tooth fairy these days but I'm thinking she needs to be replaced. She can't seem to keep her stops straight and is constantly skipping right on over us. Leaving me to console my heart broken children. Is our home that difficult to see? Perhaps we should place a strobe light on our front lawn? I was silently pleading with the tooth fairy to please don't forget us tonight. Pretty please.

I made this tooth fairy pillow (pictured below) before I even had a daughter. I made one for my son (decorated as a boy in a cap)....and then made a girly one with the hope that I might one day have a daughter. I've waited 10 long years to pull this out. Isn't it cute?

The back of the pillow has a heart shaped pocket (to place the tooth in) and says on the front "Dear Toothfairy, Here is my tooth as you can see, you may have it for a small fee".





My daughter carefully tucked her tooth in the pocket before we tucked her in for the night. I silently pleaded with my husband to not let me forget. She got out of bed every 10 minutes to ask a question "Mama, do you think the toothfairy will see it? What if she can't see it? Maybe I should put it under my pillow instead? How will the toothfairy know I lost my tooth? Should I write her a note?" "No, honey, the toothfairy will see it. She sees everything. She's magic. She'll find it. Go to bed"



The toothfairy went to bed with a 102 degree fever that night. The toothfairy forgot again. The toothfairy sucks donkey balls.



My daughter woke up devastated. Fighting back the tears...."mama the toothfairy didn't come last night. She must not have seen my tooth."



My heart broke for her. Damned that toothfairy.



"I'm sorry honey, the tooth fairy must have had a busy night with lots of teeth to pick up. Why don't you write her a note and draw a picture with an arrow and we'll show her where your tooth is."



I took a shower and decided to run to the bank to pick up some of the "special gold coins" that tooth fairy always leaves when she forgets. Yes. This happens that often. I get out of the shower and daughter comes running from her bedroom all excited...."MAMA! The toothfairy DID come! I must not have seen it in there when I checked the first time. I must have put my hand in the pocket like this....instead of like this"

So it seems the toothfairy realized her error and came to our home post haste when I got in the shower.

Saturday: When I posted my to-do list last week I purposely left something off the list for fear of my mother reading it. I know she occasionally reads my blog. My step dad decided (somewhat spur of the moment) to throw her a surprise party. My mom has accepted a retirement package after 30 years with Chrysler and her official last day is Nov. 30th.....which also happens to be her 60th birthday. So, with only 2 weeks to do this we pulled it off. I was in charge of the cake and invitations. Grandma was in charge of the party favors. And my step dad was in charge of the hall and a corsage. Divide and concur.

The party was this afternoon and it went fabulously.

This gorgeous woman on the left is my mother. She's a saint. A hard working, dedicated, giving, loving, and caring saint. She is my hero and my best friend.

Happy Birthday Mom!

She had no idea it was coming. We told her we (my husband and I) wanted to take her out to dinner for her birthday. Because it was just us and not at any fancy restaurant she went for comfort and warmth as she chose her outfit. No make up. No hairspray. My step dad said "you're wearing that" as she was getting ready. "Well yeah, it's just mama and papa smurf, we're not going anywhere fancy." OOPS! Here she is trying to fix her hair as she walked in the door.

And here is a photo of my DD and her Great Grandma. I just love this photo.

And here's another photo that I love.....

That's a photo of me with my mom when I was 2 years old. Isn't my mom gorgeous?

And now, we're suppose to be at another surprise party for my cousin's 40th birthday. But, when we returned from party #1 the Motrin began to wear off and the fever returned. So we've bailed out of party #2.

And now I must sleep.

Nighty night.

Random Updates

It's been a crazy week. I don't have the energy to blog these days and I suspect blog posts will be sporadic until after the holidays. So here's a general over view.

Last Wednesday was Hefty's birthday so in keeping with our tradition I picked him up from school to take him out to lunch. We enjoyed our Big Boy meal complete with free birthday surprise and serenade. It was a rare one on one opportunity for me and I thoroughly enjoyed his company and conversation.

And then late that night (after we returned from gymnastics) we let him open his presents....you know...the gift that takes me out of the running for the Parent of the Year Award....the pellet gun.

The birthday celebration continued on Friday night with the rest of my family at Buca Di Beppos for dinner. We ate with the Pope in the Pope's room.

Saturday I joined my friends for a full 15 hour scrapbooking event. 9am - 12 midnight. That's a full 15 hours with no children. A full 15 hours with no housework. A full 15 hours to do absolutely anything I wanted. I've been paper scrapbooking for the past 12 years since Hefty was born and LOVE it. But I have recently discovered digital scrapbooking and LOVE it even more. As I mentioned in a previous post I've been working hard at completing a heritage album for my Grandma for Christmas and so I spent the entire 15 hours working on that. Still not done but I made a small dent.

Here's my laptop with a couple of the pages I completed.

Sunday we had an appointment to see a photographer for our annual Christmas family photo. Why does this always have to be so painful? Seriously. I dread it every year because no sooner do I say "We are going for family ph...." and my kids all start the "whocancomplainthemost competition." I declared it a tie.

More on that in a future post.

We returned home and hubby removed the not so humble abode of the wasps taking up residence in the tree in our front yard. EEK! And then had to dissect it. Check out the size of this bad boy!

Also, upon returning home from the photo session we discovered that Dreamy had 102 degree fever and he remained in this position for the rest of the afternoon.

And since I'm on a role with the photos...this is how Smurfette spent her Sunday afternoon.

I've spent every spare moment working on the heritage album as I'm in a bit of a panic about it. I had hoped to make one for each Grandma but that's just not happen'n. I'm a little freaked out about what to get Grandma #2 now. Any suggestions?

And while I've been slaving away over my laptop. My wonderful saint of a husband (who is on vacation this week) has spent the last few days working around the house. He spent most of Saturday and part of Sunday doing yard work. He cleaned out our entire garage and stored all the patio furniture for the winter. He spent all of Monday (and I do mean ALL) cleaning our basement. I wish I had before and after photos cuz he did a jaw dropping job. Seriously. My hubby's the bomb.

We had hoped to get some Christmas shopping done these last couple days with the kids in school but due to feverish son on Monday and feverish daughter today that didn't happen. So it looks like I'll be flying the shopping solo again this year as hubby is leaving to go out of town for work next week and then again the following week. My mom's birthday is coming up. My husband's birthday is coming up. My daughter's birthday is coming up. I'm having Christmas day at my house. I'm having another family Christmas party 2 days later. And then we're also having our annual New Years Eve party (yes, I'm already stressing about events that arent's even occuring for another 5-6 weeks). Hubby is going out of town. I'm not even close to being done with Christmas shopping. My kids are sick. I'm never going to finish this heritage album. And I'm stressed.

I fully realize that there are women out there who work full time and still do all this and more with a relaxed smile on their face. But in case we've just met....I don't do stress well. I don't do chaos well. I'm easily overwhelmed. It's a character flaw that I am very well aware of. I freak out very easily. And I'm kinda freak'n out.

I've sunk to a whole new level of bad parenting.

When my now 12 y/o son was just two years old we went up north to my parent's cabin with my parents for a little fresh air outdoorsy family vacation.

This is a hunting cabin situated on 80 acres of land. I'm a city girl but enjoy the relaxing outdoor atmosphere of a little cabin vacation of (very) short lengths every now and then. A four day weekend is about all I can take.

It's a hunting cabin. Not a vacation home.

You won't find photo collages on the walls. You'll find deer heads and antlers mounted in their place.

You won't find tall standing indoor plants ornamenting the corners of the living room. You'll find a tall mounted stuffed black bear instead.

The wall hooks in the entry way are cluttered with hunting gear paraphernalia.

When you're walking to the bathroom in the dark in the middle of the night?....don't trip over the stuffed turkey in the corner of the bedroom.

Instead of counting sheep to help yourself fall asleep, you can count the number of bats you hear fluttering inside the walls.

My step dad is a hunter. He hunts. Often.

He hunts for deer, bear, turkey, duck. Anything.

It's a hunting cabin.

There are guns.

Those guns are always kept behind lock and key.

Except....

For this one time when we went up there for vacation when Hefty was just 2 years old.

Hefty came from my step dad's bedroom with a pistol dangling between the fingers of his precious little 2 year old hand...."mama, what's this?"

There are no words in the English language to accurately describe the 30 seconds that followed. The panic, the terror, the guilt, the rage that followed will be in the back of my mind to recall at any given moment for the rest of my life. My son's life flashed before my eyes in that split second. And hearing "the safety is on" somehow did not make me feel any better.

So as my son grew older and the second son came along that terror turned me into the gun Nazi. There will be no guns in my home.....real or otherwise. There will be no squirt guns. There will be no weapons. There will be no pretend shooting. And the word "kill" is strictly forbidden as a "bad word" even in play acting.

Yes, I was one of THOSE moms.

But as my boys got older and the testosterone spillith over I began to see that my efforts in gun control were failing. I'd walk to the kitchen to find my 3 and 5 year old biting their peanut butter sandwiches into the shape of guns and playing cops and robbers at the kitchen table with their peanut butter pistols. I'd walk into the bathroom and find my hairbrush being used by son #1 as a pretend rifle with son #2 spread eagle against the wall in surrender.

What's a mom to do, I mean, other than pray to the Gods that her next child be a girl?

There's just no delicate way of saying this. So I'll skip right to the chase. I'll jump right to the punch line of this story and get it all out in the open so as to not delay the inevitable backlash of bloggy parental cattiness that is sure to follow. And the emails. I'm anticipating a flow of hate mail to the tune of "what the hell were you thinking," "OMG you suck as a parent," or....my personal favorite ......"well, I NEver.....(said with disdainful eye roll)"

I bought my son a pellet gun for his birthday.

And this is no ordinary pellet gun.

It's an automatic sniper rifle pellet gun.

There.

I've said it.

I'm afraid I've sunk to a whole new level of bad parenting.

So, please tell me...indulge me if you will....in your own bad parenting moments. Is there anything you said you'd never allow your kids to do that you now find yourself allowing. Cuz I could really use a self esteem pick-me-up right about now....

Or, if your not a mom, but hope to be in the near future....please tell me the one thing that you simply WILL NOT ALLOW in your home.

You know, So I can laugh at you...

Kidding.

Kinda.

How did it happen?

My oldest child turns 12 today and I have no idea how it happened. I mean...I know HOW it happened but where did years 1 - 11 go?

It's 1:30 AM 3 days before my due date and I wake to make my second trip to the bathroom. I pee, I wipe, I walk 10 feet and.....uh oh....what was that? GUSH! Well hot damn and hallelujah this baby is coming out TODAY! I rush back to the toilet because with every step I take I gush a little bit more.

Me: PAPA SMURF!

PS: Woken from a deep sleep grumbles "mmwhat"

Me: IT'S TIME! MY WATER JUST BROKE!

PS: Really?

Me: I sit on the toilet and wait patiently for a towel as hubby dresses himself. My heart is racing. I'm giddy with excitement. Holy shit I'm gonna be a mama today!

5 minutes pass....

10 minutes pass...and my rump is now numb....

WTF

Me: PAPA SMURF!

PS: What?

Me: WTF are you doing!!??

PS: Sleeping!!!

Me: Get your butt out of bed we have a baby coming!

A recap of my pregnancy:

What I expected: A first trimester with mild morning sickness. A second trimester full of energy and a third trimester of mild discomfort and much anticipation. And, of course, the average 35 pound weight gain. I'd look cute with my mommy bump. I read 3 pregnancy books and my parenting bible (highlighted and tagged with post it notes) all within the first month of pregnancy.

Reality: I slept through my entire first trimester and experienced no morning sickness. I could transition from a deliriously happy laugh to an ugly cry faster than you can say "holy shit it's Sybil." And, more often than not, that ugly cry was a result of a quick flash glance in the bathroom mirror and an "I'm so ugly" epiphany melt down. I was anything BUT cute. I gained a total of 75 pounds. I gained no weight my first 3 months which means I gained 75 pounds in 6 months which equals an average of 12.5 pounds per month = more than 3 pounds each week. I did not enjoy being pregnant. I was miserable. I'm a stomach sleeper. I learned that pregnancy and water beds are NOT compatible.

A recap of the birth:

What I expected: An uneventful if not long and painful labor filled with pacing the floors and intermittent massages from my husband followed by an epidural followed by a blissfully happy and healthy birth and immediate mommy/baby bonding.

Reality: My water broke and I never went into labor. At 7am nothing was happening so pitocin was started. Three hours later baby's heart rate was dropping and I still wasn't dilating. Two hours later I have an epidural attached to my back, 3 different wires draped from my hoo-ha (one is stuck to baby's head to monitor baby's heart rate, one is replenishing the fluids in my uterus to cushion baby, and one is supplying antibiotics because my water has been broken for too long), a big black elastic band is strapped around my waste to monitor contractions, an IV is strapped to my left arm, an oximeter is attached to my right index finger, an oxygen hose is strapped to my face and I'm beginning to resemble something of a science experiment. After three ultrasounds it is determined by three different doctors that baby is approximately "7 - 8 pounds." Fifteen hours later I'm still restricted to laying on my left side, I'm "not even fingertip dilated", baby is still "floating", and baby's heart rate is dropping dangerously low after every contraction.

Enter C-Section.

Here's were it gets fun.

17 hours after my water broke I'm strapped to an operating table and can still feel and move my legs. Doctor starts to operate and I completely wig out on the table and start kicking my legs to prove to surgeon that "dude, I'm TOTALLY NOT NUMB!" To say that I freaked out is a bit of an understatement. Lets just leave it at that.

Enter general anesthesia....and TEN POUND ONE OUNCE BABY!!! (7-8 pounds my ass!)

The bonding moment:

What I expected: I would hold baby immediately after his birth we would look into each others eyes and fall instantly in love. I would hold him to my breast and give my baby nourishment while gazing at him lovingly.

Reality: Eight hours after his birth I wake up all alone in my room after sleeping off the anesthesia and am finally allowed to see and hold my baby....apparently they told hubby to go home because "I'd just be sleeping all night anyway." Grrrrrrr. Baby wants nothing to do with breast feeding and I have 2 nurses and a lactation consultant surrounding me and pawing at my boobs and prying baby's mouth open like vultures. And an hour later I have a syringe full of formula strapped to my shoulder, that syringe is connected to a tiny little catheter, and that catheter is draped over my boob and taped to my nipple so that baby can "learn" to breastfeed. It was humiliating. It was unnatural.

The first day:

What I expected: Motherhood would come naturally. I would instinctively know what to do and how to care for him.

Reality: 12 hours into the first day with baby and baby's diaper hadn't been changed. Dude, where are those nurses and why haven't they changed his diaper yet? Oh, you mean I have to change it?? Well, shit, nobody told me that! First day of life and baby already has a diaper rash. I really suck at this.

First three weeks:

What I expected: We would come home and baby would instinctively sleep all night and be on an every two to four hour eating schedule. And we would all live happily ever after. What? That's what happens in the movies! I watched a lot of movies back then.

Reality: Baby still wanted nothing to do with breast feeding. I was pumping every two hours and feeding him breast milk from a bottle every two hours. I was at all times either pumping or feeding or pumping or feeding. My nipples were cracked and bloody and hurt worse than giving birth. Baby would cry from 5pm till 11pm then sleep until 1am and then cry again until 5am. I sit Indian style in the middle of my bed crying along with baby at 3am wondering when the motherly instincts would kick in....cuz dude...I really suck at this. One month later I gave up on the breast milk pumping and started feeding him formula and the gates to heaven opened up and the angels began singing.

I was absolutely head over heals in love with this child of mine but couldn't figure out how to enjoy and embrace motherhood until well into his 2nd month when I finally released my expectations and let him guide my way. It took me 6 weeks to figure out that being unable to breast feed this child did not make me a bad mother. It took me 6 weeks to figure out that having a baby that cries all night long does not make me a bad mother. It took me 6 weeks to figure out that motherhood is a learn as you go occupation. Books can give you direction and guidance but they are not the end all be all bible for parenthood because no 2 babies are the same.

It was not easy. It did not come naturally. And it was not at all as I expected it to be. The transition from DINK to parenthood was a shock for both my husband and I.

This 12 year old son of mine taught me how to be a mother. He taught me how to nurture. He taught me how to love.

I fall more and more in love with this child every day of his life. He makes us laugh. His humor, his laughter, his confidence, his self motivation, his love, and his fun loving nature are just a few of the many gifts that he brings to this family of ours. He is such a very good person and makes me so incredibly proud to be his mom. He makes me feel like maybe I don't suck so much at this mommy thing after all.

I love you Hefty. Happy birthday.

Every month to his 1st birthday

22 months old in Palm Springs

2nd birthday

7 Years Old

9 years old

This past summer

Our gymnastics season has begun!

What kind of mommy blogger would I be if I didn't take a moment or two....or three...to brag on my kids and their talents.

Sunday marked the official start to our looooooong gymnastics season. This was a very small meet in Ohio. More of a practice meet than an official meet. It was that small. But my boys kicked it off with a fantastic finish.

Dreamy came in 1st place in the All Around for level 6 and Hefty came in 2nd place for the level 7s.

I've decided to post each of their best routines. There's 6 routines in all so I just can't see trying to post all 12 routines. And, of course, celebrate the fact that I think I've figured out this video posting. So I'm participating in Leslie's Video Me Monday.

Isn't her button cute! It's so darn cheery!

This is Hefty on Floor. He received a score of 15.4.

And this is Dreamy on mushroom/pommel. He received a score of 15.2.

The difference between boys and girls.

On a school night....


11 y/o boy- Mom can I PLEASE stay up a little longer. Please. I just want to see the end. Can I finish this game? Why? Why not? OMG. Rolls eyes. Stomps feet. Can I at least say good night to Rosie. Gosh. The sky is NOT blue. It's periwinkle.

Me - It's time for bed. Keep your hands to yourself. Stop wrestling before someone gets hurt. Did you brush your teeth? Go brush you teeth. Go brush your teeth. Stop stalling. Go brush your TEEEEEEEETH! Quit arguing. 30 minutes after he's in bed I open his bedroom door to discover he has wedged a pillow case under the door so I won't see his light on in the room because he is in bed playing his gameboy instead of sleeping. GO TO SLEEEEEP! I love you.


9 y/o boy- While he's suppose to be brushing his teeth he screams in pain after hitting his back on the bathroom faucet while trying to get a good look at his wedgie in the mirror by standing on the counter. (I couldn't make this up if I tried). Oh wait mom I forgot to do my homework. Can I get a snack? Where's my backpack? I'm hungry. Where's my homework? I think I left it at school.


Me - Quit waiting until I say it's time for bed to decide you need a snack. Go brush your teeth. Keep your hands to yourself. Quit wrestling before someone gets hurt. Quit screaming. QUIT SCREEEEEEAMING! Go brush your teeth. Quit making goofy faces in the mirror and BRUSH! Quit stalling. I love you.


5 y/o girl- Picks clothes out for school the next day. Lines up her shoes next to said outfit and stuffs clean matching socks in them. Brushes her teeth. Are my teeth shiny mama? She comes from her room 20 minutes later....come in my room mama I have a surprise for you. I enter her room to discover she has lined up her shoes neatly on the floor of her closet. I'm tired. Who's turn is it to tuck me in tonight?


Me - You're such a good girl. I love you. Good night.


Before school -


11 y/o boy- (10 minutes after waking) I can't find anything that matches. I don't have any clean jeans. I think I left my back pack in the van. I can't get my contact in. Can you put my contact in? I don't need a coat. I don't want a coat. It's NOT cold. It's chilly. He's out the door and 30 seconds later returns to tell me he forgot he needs 50 cents for bagel day.

Me - The laundry is all washed. Where are all your jeans? You have no clean jeans because they're all shoved on the floor in the corner of your closet. Hurry up. Quit goofing around and brush your teeth. Please be quiet your sister is still sleeping. Hurry up. Be quiet. Quit goofing around. Where's your coat. You're going to miss the bus. Quit arguing. I love you. I walk to the kitchen after he leaves and find his back pack on the kitchen table. He has already gotten on the bus.

9 y/o boy- (15 minutes after waking) I have no clean gym pants. Where are all my gym pants? Can you find me something to wear? I can't find matching socks. Where's my shoes? Did you put my back pack somewhere? Takes 20 minutes to brush his teeth and put his contacts in because he's wasting all his time making goofy faces at himself in the bathroom mirror.

Me - All the laundry is washed. Where are all your gym pants? 9 y/o goes to his gym bag and proceeds to pull out 6 pairs of filthy, stinky, chalky gym pants. That's why you have no pants to wear. Hurry up Dreamy it shouldn't take 30 minutes to eat a bowl of cereal. Hurry up. Quiet down. Quit goofing around. Go brush your teeth. The bathroom is THAT way....turn around....walk to the bathroom...and BRUSH YOUR TEETH! Quiet down your sister is still sleeping. Your going to miss the bus. Quit goofing around. I love you.

5 y/o girl- Comes from bedroom 5 minutes after waking her up. She is dressed. She has her shoes on. She walks to the pantry and picks out her breakfast. She eats her breakfast in 5 minutes flat all the while chatting pleasantly about the day to come. She walks unprompted to the bathroom and brushes her teeth. She comes out 5 minutes later. Are my teeth shiny mama? She walks back to the bathroom unprompted and brushes her hair. She returns 5 minutes later with a "pretty" for her hair. Does this headband match mama? She goes to the toy basket unprompted and pulls out a toy. I will bring this for show and tell today mama. I know today is show and tell because we had art yesterday and show & tell is always the next day. She walks to her backpack. She puts her toy in her backpack. She pulls her lunch box from her backpack. She walks to the kitchen unprompted and begins filling her lunchbox with a smuckers peanut butter and jelly sandwich from the freezer, a fruit cup, and one piece of candy. She walks back to the pantry and gets a chocolate milk. My lunch is made mama. Did you sign my paper mama? Lets go mama. I don't want to be late mama. Is it time to go yet mama? PLEASE mama let's go. We can't be late.

Me - You're such a good girl. I love you. Have a good day at school.

After school....

11 y/o boy- Can I please wait to do my homework? It's not due till....? I got detention for not getting this paper signed. Can I please call....? I'll do my homework later. It is NOT raining. It is drizzling.

Me - Please do your homework. Where is the paper I need to sign? Quit arguing. I love you.

9 y/o boy- I couldn't find the homework I did last night so I got detention. I forgot my book at school. Takes 3 hours to do a homework assignment that should have only taken him 15 minutes because he's been hard at work picking the dirt from under his fingernails.

Me - Do NOT forget your book tomorrow. Please find the homework you did last night. And PLEASE stop picking your fingernails and finish your homework. No more goofing around. I love you.

5 y/o girl - I have homework mama. She sets it on the table. She finds a pencil. She finds a pair of Scissors. She finds a glue stick and completes her homework. She places her homework (unprompted) into her backpack.

I love them all.

Of course.

But I don't care what anyone says....

girls....

are....

easier...

and SO much more organized!

Xanax would make it ALL go-away....

I had another one of THOSE nights last night. You know the ones....where you lie awake in bed all f*cking night tossing and turning and your mind just won't shut off cuz your feeling overwhelmed and anxious over things that you have no business feeling overwhelmed and anxious about. They don't come very often but when they do I feel like the only cure is a double dose of Xanax.

I went to bed at 11pm and by 2:30am I was actually contemplating getting up to blog my to-do list to empty my brain before it exploded. I didn't get up....nor did my brain explode. But I woke up at 6:45 this morning with only approximately 2 hours of sleep and then after getting the kids off to school high-tailed it to the gym for an hour of boot camp with a female Gestapo standing over my shoulder. And wasn't THAT fun!

So, here I am....once again, in front of my computer blogging instead of knocking out items on my to-do list. It's a sickness I tell you.

I may be missing in action for a couple weeks. Or maybe it'll only be a couple days....who knows....but I will be missing in action for as long as it takes me to feel less overwhelmed by the chaos that is my life.

So here's me emptying my brain....

* Gotta cancel Sunday night's hotel reservation for January's trip to Chicago as we've decided to ATTEMPT to pull an all nighter by driving home after Hefty's meet session which isn't scheduled to be finished until 10pm Chicago time. Will be a looooong night!

* Gotta call to RSVP for this Saturday's birthday party that Dreamy was invited to.

* Get birthday present for above mentioned birthday boy.

* Gotta call to cancel and reschedule the family photo session that I scheduled for this Saturday because Dreamy really wants to go to above birthday party which is at the same time. She squeezed me in on a Sunday! This woman rocks!

* Get oil changed in car (I'm only 3,000 miles over when oil change was suppose to happen.....I have almost 15,000 miles on my van and have only gotten the oil changed once....this is a problem....or so my husband tells me).

* I told Leslie from Got Kids Need Valium that I would participate in video blog post today and there's just no way in Hell that's going to happen (yes, I actually stress about this shit. It's a sickness I tell you).

* Apologize to Leslie.

* Need to call family about Hefty's birthday party....birthday is next week.

* What will I cook for Hefty's birthday party?

* Screw it....we're going to Buca's for Hefty's party so I don't have to worry about it.

* Call and make reservations for Buca's.

* Mom's birthday is in 2 1/2 weeks. Get present.

* Hubby's birthday is in 3 weeks. Get present.

* Smurfette's birthday is in 4 weeks. Already got present but should figure out when to have the family over to celebrate.

* I think we'll do Buca's again...or maybe I should switch it up a bit and find a different restaurant. Figure it out.

* Figure out what day to go to Wicked and purchase tickets for nieces for Christmas.

* I've called the family we chose to sponsor for Christmas several times in past 2 weeks and left several messages for the mom and have yet to hear back from her. Am feeling like a schmuck for being naive enough to believe that this would be an enjoyable experience. Considering calling Volunteers of America to tell them we're not feeling good about this and bow out.....so that I can feel like an even bigger schmuck. The mom called me late yesterday afternoon. Turns out she didn't return the call until now because she was in the hospital again for her asthma. I'm taking her to lunch tomorrow afternoon. Asked her if she wanted to meet or if she'd like me to pick her up and she told me she has no transportation. Single mother with 5 kids and NO transportation....hmmm....maybe THAT'S why mom doesn't work! Feel'n like a schmuck again.....

* Boys have their first gymnastics meet this Sunday and I STILL can't find blue cotton ankle socks for their uniform. May have to buy non cotton but they're slipperier (don't know if that's an actual word but it is in MY dictionary). Will boys fall on their ass if I do? I bought them the non-cotton ones because I'm tired of looking. I hope they don't fall on their ass cuz of it...but...if they do....they'll get over it....

* Need to take Dreamy to another gym to purchase wrist guards as the one's I ordered on line have been on back order for over 3 months. DONE!

* Call and cancel online order for wrist guards.

* Get hair colored Tues. morning. YEAY!

* Reverse raffle fund raiser Tues. night. I should probably let ya'll know we plan on winning that one too. Grand prize is $10,000. We didn't win! Can you believe it? I know...I know....I'm as shocked as you are....

* Ask mom to take kids to gymnastics/dance class while we're at fund raiser.

* Thursday night parent/teacher conferences. My kids are the best!

* Read book for homework from Hefty's class....yes they are even giving parents homework now. I'm talking a full blown novel here folks....I have to actually read it and leave sticky notes with comments for my son for when he reads it. Cuz I have nothing better to do. I finally started the darn thing. It's a story about a family growing up in Denmark during the days of the Nazi invasions. Deep. Edited to add.....I'm finished! Awesome book! Remember the Stars. Read it if you ever get a chance.

* Trying to make a digital heritage scrap book for each of my Grandmothers for Christmas. I have all the old photos of ONE Grandmother scanned and saved and organized into folders on my computer. But the computer scrapbooking is taking much longer than I anticipated and am now stressing about whether or not I'll have enough time to do the same for the other Grandmother. Grandmother #2 will be present when Grandmother #1 gets hers so I can't very well give one to one and not the other. She'd be all "oh, how nice of you to make that for Grandma #1....where's mine....oh I got a pair of slippers instead....how nice...." So WTF do I do. It'll take me a month just to go through and organize all her photos let alone scan them all in and organize them into folders. UGH!

* Figure out whether I'm going to do the 10K "Run Like the Dicken's" run or not with friends. And register for it if I decide to do it. It's Dec. 13th which is the day before a gymnastics meet....which has absolutely nothing to do with anything but is one MORE thing to think about. Would really like to run it but would also really like for there to be one less thing on my to-do list.

* MIL and her husband are coming to stay with us for (almost) 2 weeks during Christmas and New Years.

* Call Doc and persuade him to give me a double dose prescription of Xanax.

Reason #287 - Why we might be rednecks -

I'm trying so very hard to raise my boys to be gentlemen. It's not going so well.

My oldest will be turning 12 in less than 2 weeks. And since we'd rather not have to remortgage our home to cover any further baby sitter wages we've decided to start experimenting with leaving the kids at home for short periods of time.

"This is a test"

"I'm testing you"

"Don't abuse your power"

"Don't answer the door"

"Don't answer the phone (unless it's me)"

And most importantly....

"No fighting!"

I left the oldest with the youngest for approximately 30 minutes while I went to pick up Dreamy (the middle child).

I returned home to find the youngest crying.

Smurfette: "Hefty was being mean to me."

Hefty: "I was not being mean to her mom (he starts crying)....I was only trying to tell her the things she does that gets on our nerves....like whining and tattling and being bossy....but I was telling her nicely....and then I asked her what she wanted to do....do you want to play a game? Do you want to do a puzzle? And she was being a brat and she REJECTED me! (still crying) She rejected me so I told her that was the last time I would ever try to be nice to her. And now she's tattling on me again."

Me: "Can't we all just get along. Smurfette, if you want the boys to be nice to you....you need to start being a little nicer to them. Go give your brother a hug and show him how much you love him"

Smurfette: (still sobbing) No mom! (hiccup sob) I'm not hugging them any more! (hiccup sob) Cuz every time (hiccup sob) I give them a hug they TRY (hiccup sob) to squeeze out a fart!"

I tried to show dismay. I tried to bite my cheek and give my son "the look". But dude.....(insert southern drawl) I don't care who you are, that's there's funny right there...

A new economic stimulus plan....

Got this in an email today. It made me chuckle so I thought I'd share it with ya'll.....


Subject: A lesson in Irish economics


Young Paddy from the liberties, moved to Offaly and bought a Donkey from a farmer for €100.00.

The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.

'Paddy replied, 'Well,then just give me my money back.

'The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Paddy said,'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'What are ya gonna do with him?

Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said,' You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Paddy said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two euros a piece and made a profit of €898.00.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two euros back.'

Paddy now works for the Irish Government.

AC/DC

We went to the AC/DC concert last night with our friends Randy and Kelly. A fun time was had by all. We started the evening with a little dinner at Chile's.

We missed the opening band...not even sure who played for them to be honest.

Hubby brought his velcro mullet but he just couldn't bring himself to wear it.

Watching the Palace fill up. As you can see we were about as far from the stage as you could possibly get. Hubby went on line within 30 seconds of the ticket sales opening up and this was the best he could do. Actually he rejected the first TWO sets of tickets because he wasn't happy with their location...but the seats kept getting further and further away with each rejection so this is where we ended up.

A Whole Lotta Rosie.

Dear Angus, At some point in your career you'll need to start keeping your clothes on.