My Life

Why I Will Never Eat Frogs:

2010-11-11T14:50:00.000-08:00

In light of it being Veteran's Day and all I had to share this story....A little tribute to a brave soldier who just so happened to be my Grandpa.

Before my Grandpa passed away several years ago I was able to video tape him telling the story of how he earned his bronze medal in WWII. It's a story that my cousins and I have heard repeated many times during our lives and never tired of hearing. The following story is directly from my Grandpa's mouth, word for word copied from the video tape. For the full effect you must read it with a thick Italian accent. =)

Disclaimer: Please disregard the grammatical errors and politically incorrect references and keep in mind these are the words of a man with very broken English.

Grandpa's Bronze Star Frog Story

"It was the Isle of Biak. Just south of the equator...close to the equator. We were going to patrol through the jungle to see where the enemies are. There were 5 of us - 1st scout, 2nd scout, radio operator, squad leader (he was an officer), and a radio guard. So we were walking near a stream of water...not a river....just a small stream. There was a lotta frogs. Ribbit... ribbit.... ribbit...*insert grandpa's frog sound effects*. When I went across on a bridge made of wood. I don't know if the natives made that or if the Japanese were there before us. So when you walk on the bridge the frogs stop making the noise. I walk about 200 yards and I stop. The patrol leader said "did you see anything, Marocco?" I said, "I didn't see anything ahead of us but I'm concerned about those frogs." He didn't know what I was talking about...he said, "what about the frogs?" I said, "remember they make all that noise, then we pass and they stopped. Now they should be starting again because there's no body there. But they're still quiet." He was pretty fast, he said, "you think some one's following us?" I said, "yeah...I think we got the Japs right on our back...they're following us." He said, "OK, lets take cover."

You know in the jungle it's easy to take cover behind the bushes. They pass us...They were 12 of them....Only 5 of us....they were looking saying "where'd they go?" So after they passed he (the squad leader) was in charge of it ~ he take advice from everyone. I said, "I think we should follow them see where they are going." So we did. It was a whole battalion...a lot of Japs. So, he said "we call the artillery"....they were about 5 miles behind us with the cannon. They fire 1st round it was a little too short it was almost on top of us. So the next one was right at the target...he said "FIRE FOR EFFECT" and they open up every cannon they had. They blasted...they ruin everything. So we went back to the company.

The next day we went back there to see how much damage we did. There was a lot of dead Japs but you know some of them got away. They left behind a lot of food, even wine, so we drank their wine and that's it. We went back (there was a ceremony) and one day a guy in a jeep came by and said "I'm looking for Private Marocco". I said "I'm Marocco...what do you want?" "Oh, the colonel wants to see you." I had no idea what the colonel wanted.

The Colonel said, "I want you to tell me about them frogs. I got a report from your captain". And so I told him ~ I said, "when I was a little boy in Italy I used to go catch frogs all the time and so I know when you walk by they stop making the noise...then after about a minute they start again....first one, then another, then pretty soon they all start. And this time they were all quiet so it made me suspicious that we were being followed." I said, "it sounds crazy but...." He said "No it doesn't, I'm gonna pass that on to all the training camps! Everybody should know that!" So I got a bronze star and that's it.

I told the Colonel "I used to eat a lot of frogs ~ But I'll never eat another frog as long as I live ~ They saved my life!"

Friday Fragments

2010-11-11T13:20:00.000-08:00

Welcome, to another addition of Friday Fragments...hosted by the fabulous Mrs. 4444 @ Half-Past Kissin' Time.

*Smurfette: "mommy, can boys have babies?"
Me: "No, honey, boys can't have babies."
Smurfette: "I know, mommy, I was only testing you."
*Dear baby girl, please stop testing me. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to continue passing your tests. When the whole "how do mommy's get pregnant?" question pops up? I'm totally cheating off Great Grandma's test and telling you "they swallow water melon seeds".

*Me: *singing to some tunes while cleaning my house*
Dreamy: MOM! PLEASE! 1st I had to go for an MRI this morning and now THIS??!! REALLY??!! How much can a kid take??!! *snicker*

*"Tiny long saggy boobies" and "little boobies nipples pictures" ...these are 2 recent google searches that landed someone to my blog. Seriously.

And so is this....word for word...copied and pasted....
"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad And I’m still trying to figure out how that could be." ...I hope she wasn't looking at my blog for the answer!

*Had a fantastic morning with my kids at their school for "pancakes with parents". Only, they didn't want to sit with me. I tried to explain to them the meaning of "with parents"....but their buddies are more fun to sit with. Gonna have to work on that. I think I embarrassed them when I started belting out Josh Groban tunes. *no, of course I didn't.....YET!* =)

*I haven't even started Christmas shopping. There once was a time when I would have been completely finished by the end of October. *try not to gag*. I would get it all done in one long girls weekend shopping excursion. Now it's just a chore. I'll probably be one of those people at the store at midnight on Christmas Eve. I'm dreading it this year. I don't know why. I'm thinking about doing all my shopping on line this year. But then I can't bargain hunt for the sales. So....any suggestions? I like Amazon.com...but does anyone know of any great bargain shopping sites?

*Dreamy update - MRI was done Monday. Couldn't get in to see the doc for a follow up appointment to discuss the result of the test until NEXT Friday! ACK! But the good news is....he thinks it's getting better. He actually participated in gym yesterday and did a little running and jumping and woke up extremely sore just from that little bit of activity. He has lost all muscle tone in these 4 months of slothful living. And I'm praying this won't lead to yet another injury when he returns to gymnastics.

*We had Hefty's conferences last night and I'm enormously proud of him. Every one of his teachers had nothing but wonderful things to say about him. My personal favorites..."he's very hard working" and "he's very polite". Makes the recently discovered "eye rolling" seem a little less infuriating. =)

*I watched Hitch last night for the 374th time. And I laughed just as hard this time as I did the 1st time. Love that movie.

"Right. Well, see, I'm more of a literal kind of guy. So when I do this...
*twists his arm and slams him on the table* This is more like me saying that
I will literally break your shit off if you ever touch me again. mkay punkin?"

I really want to be able to use that line on someone in real life. Wouldn't that be "bad ass"?

*I steam cleaned all my carpets yesterday. The great room and 3 bedrooms. 2 hours after they dried? My dog shit on it. Why. do. I. bother?

My quarterly report

2010-04-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

2010 update:

*Since my last post Hubby found out he had Wolf-Parkinson-White syndrome. Which basically means he had some faulty electrical wiring in his heart....resulting in his heart rate going all hay-wire...for which he needed surgery (which he just had done today) to short circuit this electrical problem. He is recovering nicely and is currently in la-la land delivering pixi dust with flying unicorns.

*Hubby's aunt passed away. She was a truly inspirational woman. She decided 3 weeks in advance the precise day she would die. And she did. With a smile on her face surrounded by those she loved most. We should all hope for such a dignified passing.

*Her illness is what finally gave me the motivation I needed to put an end to my smoking habit. A woman who never smoked a day in her life passed away from lung cancer. It's just not right. And I have to say, it's been a cake walk this time around. It'll be 3 months on Easter since my husband or I have had a cigarette and it was so easy to quit this time around that I have to attribute it to divine intervention. There's just no other explanation.

*I've started a biggest loser club. There are 19 in our exclusive and oh-so-posh weigh loss club. You wish you could be this cool. *insert "L" sign on forehead* We've lost over 80 lbs so far. =) 8.8 lbs of that came from my very own rear end.

*I leave for my girls trip in 12 days. =) Enough said.

2010

2010-01-09T19:59:00.001-08:00

Dear 2010,

I had high hopes for you.

2009 had nothing but wonderful things to say about you. She said you had extraordinary potential for greatness. I believed her. But, and please don't take this the wrong way, I gotta tell yah....you've been a bit of a disappointment thus far. I feel we may have gotten off on the wrong foot. A misunderstanding perhaps? Whaddaya say we just start over? Start this relationship from the beginning on a better, more stable foot this time? That'd be lovely.

Looking forward to better tomorrows, Mamma Smurf.

January 4th - Hubby leaves work in the morning and drives himself to the emergency room with symptoms of a heart attack. Chest pain, shortness of breath, feels like he's gonna pass out, and diaphoretic. Is later diagnosed with WPW syndrome and is now awaiting an appointment with the cardiac electrician and possibly a cardiac catheter ablation procedure to cure it.

January 8 - Daughter complains of itchy head. A letter was sent home from school before the holiday break saying that lice has been going around the school. So...when my daughter complains of an itchy head? I freak out. Guess what I found. Go ahead. Guess.

YEP!!

Dude...seriously?? They say the dear Lord doesn't dish out more than a person can handle?? REALLY?? I beg to differ. I haven't had a decent night's sleep since. I've washed at least 3 dozen loads of laundry. Bed linens are changed daily. All unwashable toys, pillows, comforters, etc have been bagged and are out in the garage where the creepy little critters can freeze to death until I can get around to washing everything. My furniture, floors, and mattresses are now vacuumed daily. I've spent 2 hours each day for the last 4 days picking through my daughter's hair strand by frick'n strand. In the last 4 days I have discovered where the phrases "nit picking" and "going through something with a fine toothed comb" originated from. Knowledge I could have gladly lived a lifetime without. Thankyouverymuch.

Your head itches now doesn't it??? =)

And now? We are waiting for more bad news. As my husband's aunt is terminally ill with lung and bone cancer. A woman who never smoked a day in her life. She was diagnosed in November and is not expected to make it through this week.

Which, of course, in itself, is horrible....sad...news.

But this also means that my husband will likely have to fly out of town next weekend which means I will have to travel to Chicago with 3 children by myself next weekend for a gymnastics meet. With a child with lice. Most likely in a snow storm. (The last 2 years that we've driven to this meet have been through snow storms....Why should this year be any different?? ).

Oh, well hello there....my name is Mama Smurf....*holding my arm out for a hand shake*....it's such a pleasure to meet you 2010! I'm really looking forward to getting to know you better! And I'm hopeful that this urge to gouge your eyeballs out will pass soon. Let's hope the 2nd impression is better than the 1st.

Better late than never?

2010-01-09T19:49:00.000-08:00

This is how good I am at blogging....or how close I am to a dementia diagnosis...you decide: I wrote the following post over a month ago. Then forgot about it. It's been sitting in my draft box for that long. I sat down on my couch and decided to fiddle around and try blogging from my iPhone cuz, well, it's been awhile, again, and....well....looky there. A 1/2 assed post just waiting for the publish button:

Here I go again! It's been almost a month since my last post. I lay in bed at night thinking of brilliant posts. Yah know...right after I complete the grocery and todo lists in my head. They come to me one after another night after night. And by the time I wake up in the morning? They're gone. Never to be recalled again. I don't know what happens to them. The sand man?

I have my Single Parent Hat on again as hubby is out of town. Again. Somethin's gotta give. I'm overwhelmed, exhausted, and teetering on the proverbial edge of insanity. My prayers lately sound a little like "Dear God, please help me be a better and more patient mother tomorrow". I hate going to bed feeling that way. HATE. IT. Especially during this time of year when nothin' but sugar plums should be dance'n in my (and my kids) head(s). BAH!

Grandma's highly anticipated volume 2 heritage album Christmas gift is still not complete. Once complete it'll take a couple weeks after uploading to receive it in the mail which at this point means the earliest hope for it's arrival will be sometime in.....January....of 2011? I'm dreading that phone call. "ummm, Grandma? You know that scrapbook I promised you? Yeah..... ~~it'll be a little late~~ ~~I'm still not done with it~~ did you really want it? How's about a nice Snuggie instead? They're sooooo comfortable and cozy warm. Toasty even."

We spent the week of Thanksgiving with my FIL. In Texas. That? Just sucked the holiday spirit right out of me. I missed Thanksgiving with my family. I didn't get to do my black Friday shopping. The lights on my house didn't get put up. We missed the last "warm" weekend for outside/yard fall cleanup. Which means I either brave the frigid MI weather to get the leaves off my lawn or they will be the topic of conversation in my neighbors' homes. I didn't start shopping until last week...when in past years I would have had all holiday shopping completed by October. I know I should be happy that my husband was able to spend Thanksgiving with his father....and that my children were able to see their grandfather....and that my FIL didn't have to spend Thanksgiving alone this year. But. Well. Yeah. That's all I'm gonna say 'bout that.

So, for the first time in the 16 years that my husband and I have been together....there will be no outside Christmas lights. That just sucks. I put the tree up. But that's it. There will be no Dicken's Village this year. No wreath on the front door. I didn't even pull out the nativity scene.....*GASP*

Chocolate Milk is the Weapon of Choice

2009-11-18T10:18:00.000-08:00

I just received a phone call from my 7th grader from the school office:

Hefty: "Hi mom"
me: "Hello"
Hefty: "I was sent to the office"
me: "why"
Hefty: "Because I spilled my chocolate milk at lunch"
me: "You were sent to the office for 'spilling' your chocolate milk?"
Hefty: "Yes and it got on a kid's shirt"
me: "spilling is accidental....are you sure 'dumping' isn't the term you're looking for?"
Hefty: "Well....I didn't 'dump' it....I kinda 'tipped' it"
me: "you 'tipped' your chocolate milk on another kid?"
Hefty: "yes"
me: "WHY?" *frustration rising due to his purposeful vagueness*
Hefty: "Well...I was sitting in that seat and I got up to throw something away and when I got back he was sitting in my seat and he wouldn't move so I 'poured' my milk on him"

That conversation was followed by a conversation with the principle which is when I was told that he was given lunch clean-up duty for his crime.

I believe I've just officially received an early initiation into the "mother of a teenager" club. His birthday is tomorrow. Assuming he lives that long....

On the one hand I'm laughing because dude....I will never have to worry about this child being picked on. He can hold his own. But patting him on his back for sticking up for himself is probably not the politically correct parental thing to do. So how exactly does one punish this type of infraction?

And I'm just realizing that I forgot to ask who he did this to. I'm praying it wasn't one of my friends' children.

Another parent of the year award down the drain....

There's Gotta Be A Book In Here Somewhere....

2009-11-17T09:35:00.000-08:00

Stephanie Meyer was on Oprah recently and I just watched the DVRed version yesterday. I find her story incredibly fascinating. She's just an ordinary SAHM of 3 boys. She was at that crossroads in her life on the verge of losing herself (and her mind) in the name of motherhood. I've been there. Hell, I may still be there. She revealed that Twilight came from a dream. She had never written a short story let alone a novel nor had she any aspirations to be a writer. She is an avid reader but had never been into vampires or vampire stories. She simply had a dream one evening about a girl and a shiny sparkly boy vampire. She wrote her dream down and it became the 13th chapter of Twilight. She didn't even tell her husband she was writing this story. She told her sister. Her sister read it and encouraged her to try to find an agent and publisher. She was rejected by NINE agents before she found one that said "I'd like to read more".

And now 5 years, 4 books, and 2 movies later? She's an extraordinary SAHM.

I'm an ordinary SAHM.

I have lots of dreams.

And I read lots of books.

So lets analyze these dreams and see if we can't come up with a general idea for a book...

I used to have recurring nightmares about a certain individual in my life (whom will remain nameless). I haven't had one in a very long time but I've done horrible unspeakable things to this person. They say you never dream about doing things that you would never do in real life? I say an emphatic "BULL SHIT!" They were that bad. Each dream is a little different....my methods of torture varied from dream to dream but the main character was always the same. I would wake up in a panicked cold sweat and it would take me several moments to realize that it was just a dream. It would take me awhile to calm down enough to fall back to sleep...but then the dream would always pick right back up where it had left off. They were always so real. And very vivid. I've never read horror stories. I don't do scary movies. Hell, I couldn't even watch Scooby Doo as a child. And the closest I've come to a scary book is the first four chapters of Patterson's Along Came A Spider. I read those four chapters three weeks ago and haven't been able to work up the nerve to go any further. Too dark for me. But maybe I could turn this dream into a horror novel?

Speaking of recurring dreams....I used to have another recurring dream back when I was a child. In this dream I walked through the front door of our house looking for my mother but had found the living room filled wall to wall, floor to sealing, with stacked washing machines and dryers. My mom, of course, was in the bathroom on the other side of the living room....and in order to get to her I had to climb through this maze of washers and dryers. Maybe I could turn this dream into a whimsical children's story about....?.....?......How to help out with the housekeeping??

I always have dreams about losing my children. Several nights ago I ~~dreamed~~ ~~dreamt~~ ~~dreamted~~ dreamed that my daughter and I were riding our Sea Doo...my daughter was riding behind me when I hit a big wave and she flew off the back side. I was sitting on the strap to her life jacket so she flew right out of it. I turned around to go back to get her but she never came back up to the top of the water. I panicked and....woke up. Never did find out if she survived. Another horror flick.

And then there's the dream I had of walking through a meadow full of daisies (my favorite flower)...all by myself....happy as a clam....when out of nowhere a big ugly snake popped up, hissed at me, wrap itself around my leg and sank it's two inch fangs into my thigh. Ironically enough, this dream occurred during the Aunt CB drama.

I think it's safe to say the only story these dreams will ever turn into is as a case study for a Psychiatrist's Digest magazine.

Guess I'll just stick to my day job....SAHM extraordinaire....

A Teenager And His Cell Phone

2009-11-14T19:29:00.000-08:00

My oldest child is about to turn 13.

That deserves repeating.

I am about to become the mother of a teenager.

THIRTEEN!! This is huge.

This child of mine is a blessing (as are all my kids...of course....but this post isn't about the other two). He is a self motivated, responsible, hard working, and confident child.

He has been trying hard to spread his wings and begging us to unclip the tips. We have kept a tight reign. We are tight reign kinda parents. I don't allow him to ride his bike to 7eleven to get Slurpee's....which, according to him, is allowed by all his friends' parents. I don't allow him to wander the woods near our home by himself. I've only recently started letting him take bike rides in our subdivision by himself but only if he has a walkie talkie with him so ~~I can contact him when I start to freak out~~ he can contact me if he gets hurt or ~~if some serial killer lures him to his car with the promise of a cell phone and then promises to chop him into little itty bitty pieces and feed him to his dog~~ if he needs help. Up until now I've always required there to be a definite destination (within our subdivision) followed immediately by a phone call upon his arrival to said destination. And the pièce de résistance....we have not allowed him to have a cell phone.

*GASP*

Are we too strict? Are the reigns pulled too tight?

Truth be told, I remember being a 9 or 10 years old (I know I wasn't older than 10 because we moved from that house when I was 10) and being sent...by bike....to Great Scot! (remember that place??)...which happened to be about 1/2 mile away and required crossing a major 4 lane road....to purchase a gallon of milk for my mom. My friend and I used to ride our bike there all the time. (*Reminding myself to tell you about the time I got caught shoplifting an entire bag of candy from the local Kmart with that same said friend....but that's a story for another day). I also remember being 13 or 14 years old and catching a city bus (by myself) to hitch a ride to my dance classes several times each week. The bus transported me about 6 miles and then dumped me off on a major highway road from which point I then walked another 1/2 mile to the dance studio that was my destination. My mom worked....so if I wanted to get to my dance classes on time after school this was my only option. I was even allowed to catch the city bus with my friends to spend weekend afternoons at the mall. The mall was 8 miles from my home.

But times have changed. (The fact that those words just rolled off my finger tips makes me feel really old!)

But it's true.

Times have changed. And he's my first child. It's to be expected.

But he's about to turn THIRTEEN! A TEENAGER!

And he is such a good kid. I mean....If you forget about the eye rolling and adolescent "tude" that has begun to emerge. He truly is every parent's dream child. He never has to be asked to do his homework. His school work comes easy to him. He always gives 110% of himself in everything he does. He is very confident and makes friends easily so I don't have to worry about him being bullied at school. And he is responsible. Well....as responsible as a thirteen y/o can be anyway.

He has been begging us for the past year for a cell phone. My answer is always the same. A resounding "NO"! What can you possibly need a cell phone for. You're in school all day. You're not allowed to have a phone in school. And then at gymnastics practice 20 hours each week. The friends he spends most of his "off" time with live within our subdivision. And....well....we have a phone! What would you need a cell phone for??

And all of that remains true. He truly has no need for a cell phone. But after long hours of discussion with hubby we have decided to relent. We have purchased our son a cell phone for his thirteenth birthday. If for no other reason than to acknowledge that he is now a teenage. And this is a major milestone. And to show our son that we are reluctantly trying to loosen the reigns (just an inch) because we trust him and, more importantly, he has never given us a reason to not trust him.

This cell phone comes with a long list of rules and stipulations...and he will be paying for a portion of his monthly bill in the form of added household responsibilities and chores....but we are still parental Gods in his eyes. At least for this one night. I'm sure he'll be back to rolling his eyes at our stupidity and cluelessness by tomorrow morning.

And here are the photos from our evening. We celebrated his birthday with a family dinner at a restaurant of his choice 5 days early because Papa Smurf will be away on a business trip on his actual birthday. He chose Kona Grill because he wanted sushi. My thirteen y/o ordered sushi and a rack of lamb! I kid you not!

All he asked for (besides the cell phone which as far as he knew was NOT going to happen) was a sling shot. To be used on our property up north. And here was his reaction to the $12.00 sling shot! Priceless!

He didn't realize there was another gift until Smurfette handed it to him.

Dude...have you lost your mind!!! THIS IS A CELL PHONE!!!! WEEEEEEEE!!!!

His reaction was truly priceless. He had no idea. Little does he know the phone came free with a new contract! =)

And now we enter a new phase of parenthood. God? Give me strength...

I am not that mom.

2009-11-11T08:18:00.000-08:00

We have been fighting the cooties in my house for the past 2 weeks. My daughter started 2 weeks ago with 3 days of fever. I sent her back to school fever free. 3 days later my son got it. After an entire day of trying to get his fever below 104.7.....to no avail after 2 doses of Motrin, 2 doses of Tylenol, and a cool bath....we made a trip to urgent care where he tested positive for Type A influenza. Tamilflu to the rescue. 2 days later my daughter got it....again! I made a call to my wonderful ER doc neighbor who called in another prescription for Tamiflu to the pharmacy...saving me another trip to the urgent care. In the mean time...my oldest son came down with an entirely different virus....no fever...but in it's stead a nasty upper respiratory and intestinal funk. And I wasn't feeling so hot myself. So, in dealing with all that funk....I was stuck in my home with various sick children for nearly 10 days straight.

I tell you that to tell you this....

I thought yesterday was Monday.

Yesterday was our first day in nearly 2 weeks where everyone was back to school and I was feeling myself. I had big plans for myself as I happily shoved all 3 kids out the door to catch the bus. With my to-do list humming through my head I got in my shower and sang happy tunes.

1st item to be tackled was to take the puppy to the vet for her bordetella vaccine....we're leaving for vacation (if visiting and staying with your FIL in Texas for the week of Thanksgiving can be considered a vacation....don't be jealous) soon and dogs can't stay in the doggie hotel without proof of updated vaccinations. On the way to the vet I get a phone call from Dreamy's sports medicine doc. He had his MRI on Monday morning and a follow up appointment to review the results was necessary.

Receptionist: "we had a cancellation for tomorrow Wednesday morning at 10am. Would that work for you?"

pause......

more silence.....

Me: "Tomorrow? Wednesday? Wait a minute......what day is today?"

Receptionist: "Ummm....today is Tuesday mam."

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

It was at that point (sitting in my car in the veterinarian parking lot) that I completely freaked out and told her I'd have to call her back as I had just realized that it was not Monday....but TUESDAY! And I was suppose to be in my daughter's classroom at that very moment helping out. And this is the SECOND time I've done this. I was.... for the 2nd time....a no call no show.

I. am. a. schmuck!

I totally thought it was Monday. It felt like a Monday.

So....

I run into the vet's office and tell them I'm in a rush....they whip out the vaccination in 5 minutes flat. But, of course, puppy wouldn't cooperate....she wiggled and 1/2 the vaccine ended up dripping off her soft coat of fur. Take 2: 25 minutes later veterinarian has successfully administered the vaccine and I am rushing back to my car.

Puppy is in the passenger seat. I live less than 1.5 miles from the vet. But puppy gets violently car sick every time she is in the car and chooses to vomit all over herself and my seat as I'm turning down our street. I run into house, throw puppy in crate, grab a towel and disinfectant wipes, and clean the seat as best I could. I throw the towel on the floor of the garage, jump back in my car and rush to the school.

It is now 10:30. I was suppose to be at the school at 8:30. The teacher relies on parents to help the students with their "stations" so she can pull the reading groups aside and work with them. I walk into the room and find that teacher has decided in my absence to skip reading group.

So, let's recap.....

because of me, little Suzie and little Johny who speak very little English to begin with, whose parents don't speak English at ALL, and who can only recognize 1/2 the alphabet, and can only count to 30....did I mention this is FIRST grade?....will be missing their daily reading session. Nice. I beg for forgiveness and teacher is very very understanding. If not sympathetic.... In a "OMG who decided this woman was capable of being a parent cuz clearly she is in way over her head" sort of way.

An hour later: kids leave for lunch and recess and I decide to try to knock a few things off my to do list.

Birthday present for Hefty: check...this took way longer than it should have as I ended up spending an hour in Best Buy...but it is done and I am confident that I have purchased the perfect gift for my soon to be a teenage son. =)

Groceries: We are all out of milk. Which, in my house? Is a catastrophe of epic proportions....melt downs ensue and panic becomes the general state of emotion when we are all out of milk. We go through nearly a gallon/day. We. need. milk.

So I go to Meijers. I load up on groceries, filling up on everyday staples and get side tracked by a bright sale sign hanging over a rack of tunic styled hooded smocky looking dresses. They were adorable. They looked comfy. And I was imagining how cute it would look with some smokey grey tights and my black knee high heeled boots. Did I mention they were on sale? But I don't have time to try one on. So a grab a small....it looks like it will fit. I head to the check out. The cute dress I picked out? Was probably the one and only dress hanging on the rack that had no tag. I don't have time for this. Too much to do. So I sadly tell the cashier to forget it. I left without the dress. =(

I leave the grocery store, and 3 miles from my home realize I forgot the one thing I HAD to get. Milk. Yes, I went to the store for milk....bought $120 dollars worth of groceries....but forgot the frigg'n milk. Made a quick left and ran into Walmart for the milk.

I get home and now have no time to whip up a dinner so I make some sandwiches, clean some grapes and fresh mixed veggies, throw them in a bag and ~~set the dinner table~~ load up the van before driving to the bus stop so the kids can eat their dinner in the car on the way to their gymnastics and dance classes.

On the way to gymnastics I discover that Jordyn has homework to complete from her days of absence. No problem. She has 2 dance classes but an hour break in between. She can complete her homework during that hour. Except she doesn't have the pencil, glue, scizzors, and crayons that she needs to complete them. We make a pit stop to the corner drug store to pick up necessary items.

Fast forward to this morning. I had high hopes of making it to the gym. To try once again to get on a work out schedule. I rely on my Kindle to get me through a treadmill run. But my Kindle battery is dead. And I can't find my charger. No problem. I'll just grab my ipod and run to some tunes instead. But I can't find my ipod. Where the f*ck is my ipod. I cannot run without my Kindle or ipod. And decide to wait and start my workouts tomorrow.

And so I sit here...at my computer....frustrated, disorganized, and feeling like I could really use an intervention of sorts.

I have a pretty calendar. It's stuck to the side of my frig. I diligently update it with our many things to do. I also have a pad for grocery lists. Those items do no good if you forget to look at them daily. I've purchased a book planner..... a month later I purchased an electronic planner.... 2 months later I purchased the itouch. All in an effort to improve my organizational skills. I even joined FlyLady hoping she could help me in my tidy housekeeping efforts.

I still suck.

Hello, my name is Mama Smurf, and I am a scatter brain and I suck.

I long to be the mom that has her shit together. The mom that drops her kids off at the bus stop freshly showered and stylishly dressed. The mom that works out regularly. The mom that cooks 4 course meals filled with nutrition daily. Even it is eat'n in the car. I long to be the mom who's laundry is always caught up, and sink is always sparkling, and who's kitchen valences are clean from the inch of dust and cob webs.

I am not that mom.

Our little piece of heaven.

2009-10-27T05:15:00.000-07:00

My husband and I in the past 2 years have been tossing different ideas around. Do we want to move? Upgrade our home? We love our house but having a 4th bedroom would be REALLY nice. The boys share a room and their closet space is shrinking as their clothes get bigger each year. And a 3 car garage would be nice. We have a 2.5 car garage and can't even fit .5 cars in it. Sad. But true.

But we love our house. We've been here 10 years now. We love the neighborhood. We love the location of our sub. hubby's job is a 15 minute car drive away. We are less than a mile from major freeways. My parents live just one block away from us. I can see their home from my front porch. Only one side street and three homes separate us. I love that.

Do we really want to give all that up??

No. We don't.

And I won't even bother going into the whole "oh my gosh, we've put alot of money into this house and would probably just barely break even if we sold it right now" issues.

We decided that moving is not an option for us.

So, summer of 2008, we started tossing around the idea of purchasing a vacation home. We started casually looking at up north waterfront vacation homes listed online. And quickly discovered that vacation homes were not coming down in price like they were here in the suburbs. So we gave up on that thought.

Fast forward to August of 2009. We went on our annual 1 week trip to Higgins Lake with 4 families. We rented 2 homes side by side. 4 families, 8 adults, 11 kids. One week spent with our best friends and families. One week of jet skis, skiing, swimming, building sand castles, campfires, roasting marshmallows, telling ghost stories, relaxing, drinking, playing euchre & poker....my kids will be the first to tell you that this is our family's favorite vacation every year. And we take lots of vacations. And this vacation is only 3 hours from our home.

The day after returning from this vacation...totally on a whim because Hubby and I hadn't even revisited the "should we buy a vacation home" conversation....I decided to do a quick google search on waterfront vacation homes for sale in MI. To make a somewhat long story short....I completely fell head over heels in love with the 2nd home I stumbled upon (online). The little yellow house. I spent the next several hours (while hubby was at work) searching. Am I being impulsive? I must have looked at over 100 homes that day. All meeting my search criteria but non of them made my heart go pitter pat the way the little yellow home did. I spent hours that day watching and re-watching the on-line virtual tour.

My husband called to tell me he was on his way home and I could barely get the words out. "Honey, You're not gonna believe the house I just found online". My husband was a little confused because "eh-hem...why are you looking at houses?"

And when he got home? He fell just as hard as I did.

*The covered front porch I've been wanting all my life? It's got it.

*The lined up Crackle Barrel Chairs on the covered porch that I've always wanted? It's got it.

*The price was right.

The house was beautiful.

The house was being sold fully furnished.

5 bedrooms.

5 bathrooms.

SEVENTEEN BEDS!!!

On a gorgeous 2 acre lot.

Almost new pontoon boat included.

On the lake.

It's only a 2.25 hour drive away.

We have friends that live a 5 minute boat ride away right on the lake.

We know the lake as we've gone up there with our friends several times.

And last, but certainly not least, it was the perfect home for our annual vacation with our friends.

And have I ever mentioned that my favorite color is yellow? Yeah, the house is yellow. Such a happy house. =)

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this house was destined to be ours since the day it was built 8 years ago.

The previous owners just walked away from the house leaving it exactly as it was. Every piece of furniture, every wall hanging and decoration left exactly as it was. We walked in and had to do nothing. It was home the second we walked through the door.

The photos below are all from several different sources...hence the different sizes.

Without further ado....

Our new love...

They even left the 6 Cracker Barrel chairs...=)

Check out my new professional grade Viking stove. I'm in love.

The built in griddle on the stove....we can fry 9 eggs or 16 pancakes at once. =)

My boys' ship themed bedroom. Is this the bomb or is this the bomb??.....

My daughter's bedroom has 6 beds (there's another single under another window on the right that you can't see in this photo) and the bunk beds each have a trundle under them...for a grand total of 8 beds!!

We hope to finish the basement one day...

Our best friends came to help us celebrate our first weekend up north.

There's been a change of plans....

2009-10-22T06:06:00.001-07:00

Today's to-do list was suppose to look something like this:

*Go to the gym
*Groceries
*Buy Jordyn dance shoes
*Take dogs to groomers
*Pack for weekend trip up north

Now it just looks like this:

*Stay home and take care of sick baby girl

=(

2009-10-19T14:22:00.000-07:00

I miss blogging. Terribly.

Facebook, kinda took over. It's fabulous in a "OMG, I've reconnected with so many long lost child hood friends" kinda way. I don't enjoy writing. I have no aspirations to be a writer. Never have. But I enjoy keeping a journal of sorts for myself and my family. I originally thought that facebook would kinda kill 2 birds with 1 stone....I could give quick little 140 or less character updates about our family's happenings in a family journal sort-a way....AND....reconnect with friends at the same time.

Not so.

You can't go back in time on Facebook to a specific year or month...say...August of 2009 to read about how my son qualified for nationals in his Future Stars gymnastics meet (oh yes he did!!)....or how the offer we placed on our dream waterfront vacation home was accepted....(oh yes it was!!)...Or to Sept. to read my quick little blurbs about our closing and our 1st weekend trip to our beloved new home. Instead, you have to scan through page after page of recent updates to get to the later updates. Not convenient. Within a week...posts are pretty much to be forgotten about.

So, now, I feel like there are 5 months of our lives that will be forever forgotten. Never to be revisited again. And these past 5 months have truly been 5 of the best months this family has lived. And I now have no words written to remind myself or my family of how special a time in our lives this has been.

But (YES! I started a sentence with the word "BUT"! Get over it!) every time I've thought about sitting at the computer and starting up this blog again....I've felt over whelmed. And (*gasp*) I have no idea why. I think I've let all these fabulous writers in this bloggy land intimidate me. No one's fault but my own. I can't keep up. And I really don't want to try. I let my growing desire for comments and bloggy approval make me forget my original purpose in starting this blog to begin with. It bothered the hell out of me to read other bloggers criticizing (on their own blogs) how other people were horrible writers... grammar and spelling imperfect....or how their blog content was boring....or offensive.....giving "tips" on how to have a great blog.

Really?

I felt like I was doing this whole blog thing wrong. That unless I was a fantastic writer I had no business writing a blog. And so I quit.

But now I have nothing written down to account for the past 5 months of my life and that makes me sad. So....

There will be poor grammar, misspelled words, and maybe even some offensive language from time to time. That's me *shrugs shoulders*. Don't get your panties in a bunch over it....just walk away. I promise you won't hurt my feelings.

In a nut shell....

2009-04-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

I'm in a hurry cuz I'm get'n ready for my girls 4 night / 5 day "Group Therapy" trip to a Florida beach resort. I'm tie'n one on as I type to cure my pre flight gitters. And I'm still not done pack'n. I've been a sucky blogger lately. I know. I'll try to be better....but no promises.

I have a new addiction. Facebook.

I've kinda started thinking of my bloggy and twitter friends as my "imaginary" friends....friends I've never met and in all likelihood never WILL meet.

Facebook? Takes up only a fraction of my time and keeps me connected to my IRL friends. So? The novelty may wear off eventually but for now I'll be an occasional blogger and try to keep up as best I can with my "imaginary" friends. =)

If you're on facebook...and you're reading this.... look me up!

I'll be back from my trip on Sunday and hope to have some pics to share of my therapy session! =)

She died from "Fright"

2009-04-16T08:59:00.001-07:00

I've been trying to spend some time with my Grandma to go through her old photos so I can get started on her heritage album. This is one of my favorite things to do. Learning about my heritage and preserving family members' legacies.

So, I was at her house yesterday afternoon and have to share this story with you. My Grandma is the funniest woman you all will never meet. She doesn't try to be. It's just natural.

In going through her old photos we came upon a photo of my Great Great Grandfather. My Grandmother's father's father. I started asking questions about her father's parents and here is what she told me:

G: Well, you know, he was raised by his father (in Italy) because his mother died when he was a baby.

Me: (writing all this information down in my notebook....fascinated) How did she die?

G: A milk snake.

Me: Huh?

G: Yeah, a milk snake scared her to death.

Me: Huh?

G: Well, you know, back then they didn't have finished floors...they were poor and slept on the dirt. She was nursing the baby on the ground and fell asleep. She woke up to a 'milk snake' drinking her milk and she died of fright.

Now, I obviously don't believe a word of this but she totally does. I was laughing hysterically while she told this story and she was just looking at me like "what the hell's so funny....it's a true story". So this will be the story that will go in the heritage album that will forever preserve this family's legacy.

Let it be known that my dear dear Great Great Grandmother died because a 'milk snake' latched on to her lactating tit and scared her to death....literally.....

This is why I'm trying to preserve this families legacy now....while I'm still alive....cuz there's no telling what kind of ridiculous stories will be passed down to my own family about my life...... or death.

Easter 2009

2009-04-03T10:48:00.000-07:00

Easter's almost here and I've been hard at work with my annual Scavenger Hunt Madness poem. Bringing out my inner Edgar Allen Poe. And I think it's complete. I may tweak it here and there or add another verse or 2 but this is the semi final product. Thought I'd share it with ya'll again. For those of you that have stuck around this past year, you may remember last year's poem. I hope to get Easter morning on video and I'll share it with you. Assuming I can remember how to post a video!

I've returned to Smurfland
One of my favorite homes
To leave some Easter clues
For you little blue gnomes.

I watched with excitement
During Easter last year
As you found all the clues
With smiles and cheers.

I know how much you like
to run to and fro
looking for Easter eggs
both high and low.

But you know the rules
You must first hear my speech
About things I am proud of
And goals you must reach.

Justin,
You should be very proud
Of the accomplishments you've made
Both at the gym with your skills
And your report card grades.

Your dedication and focus
And constant personal best
Really makes this rabbit
Rather impressed.

I've seen lots of improvement
In this past year
In the way you treat your sister
Your efforts are clear.

But please remember
To always be nice
Before you open your mouth
You must first think twice.

Brendan,
you're next
My sweet dimpled boy...
Your handsome smile
Brings me such joy.

I've been watching you at school
Working very hard
You deserve every "A"
On your report card.

But will you really force
Your mom to agree
To allowing a mohawk
If you don't get a "B".

I think that a head
With that spiky hair
Will only encourage
People to stare.

Jordyn,
Your big wide smile
Is so very sweet
And watching you grow
Has been a huge treat.

This past year has flown by
With amazing speed
I mean...oh my gosh
You can already READ!

The one thing I love
Above all other things
Is your kindness to others..
It makes my heart sing.

Be sure to talk kindly
To your brothers too
Because I know you want them
To be kind to you.

All 3 of you smurfs
Fill my heart with pride
But you still have to work
To find where your baskets reside.

My clues have been too easy
these past few years
So I'm adding a little twist...
Open your ears.

I'll be smiling wide
Cause you may look like fools
Following the instructions
And all of my rules.

But remember I'm watching
And if you don't do as I say...
I may not return
For next years' Easter day.

Are you guys ready
To get this show on the road?
You'll find your first clue
Near the basement commode.

I stubbed my toe
When I left that last clue.
Please find me a band aide
To help heal my boo-boo?

Ah, Thank you!
I feel so much better!
Now walk on your hands
To where you'd send an email letter.

To find another clue
You could make a wish
Or simply tap dance to the cupboard
And grab a dish.

Now put on your shoes
We're going outside
You must walk backwards
To your daddy's new ride.

If your looking for your baskets
I might suggest
That you hop on one foot
To that birdies new nest.

Nope, not here
*giggles* this is so much fun
Now you must dance your way over
To the water guns.

I feel so cruel
For teasing you so...
All 3 of you must hold hands (& don't let go)
While you search behind a photo.

To find another clue
You won't have to go far
Just skip on over
To your tiki bar.

So, have you had enough
What do you think?
Maybe you should bunny hop
Your way to a sink.

Now go run 3 laps
Around your home
And don't you dare cheat
Or I'll ship your baskets to Rome!

After you've completed that task
Go talk to your mom
For she holds your next clue
Right in her palm.

Are you all out of breath?
Now touch your hands to your knees
And keep them just so
While you search under pine trees.

Remember I'm watching
I see all that you do
So cartwheel to the mailbox
To find your next clue.

Now you must twirl around
Like a ballerina in a costume
While you make your way over
To the basement storage room.

Now pat your head &
Rub your tummy
As you look in the freezer outside
For something yummy.

I really hate
For this fun to end
But I'm running out of rhymes
And I have more homes to attend.

For the grand finale
You must get down low
On your hands and knees
In a row.

Now all 3 of you smurfs
Must transform into toads
And leap over each other
To the room with the laundry loads.

Good-bye my little Smurfs
I look forward to next year
Prepare yourselves well
for the fun will be far more severe.

MWAHAAHAAHAHAHA......

Mom's Famous Cannoli Recipe

2009-03-18T09:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I promised you a cannoli recipe so here you go.

My mom is known for her cannolis. You will not taste a better cannoli. I promise you. I will not purchase cannolis at bakeries because they taste like dirt next to these. Seriously. They're THAT good. When mom has a party? People come. Not for the party, not to see family, not for the holiday....but for the CANNOLI!!!

Although, in all honesty, this isn't actually my mom's recipe. She got this recipe from one of my Grandma's friends. So I kinda feel a little dirty for sharing this. Like I'm sharing someone else's secret family recipe. But I think it's safe to say that my Grandma's friend isn't reading this blog....so....you know....

And since I'm being all honest and stuff...I should probably also point out that I've never actually made this recipe myself. Because I don't have any of these:

It's on my to-do list to acquire some cannoli shell tubes of my very own but I still haven't gotten around to it.

I've been making them with my mom for years. My brother and I used to tag team it with her in her kitchen making the shells when we were growing up. Making the shells is a bit of a chore. And almost requires more than one person. Unless you have...like....50 of the above pictured tubes. But it's sooooo worth it!

So, without further ado....I present to you my mom's famous cannoli recipe:

Cannoli shell:
4 cups of flour
3/4 cup Crisco
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg
20 tbsp of water or wine (there are 16 tbsp to a cup)
1/2 tsp. cinnamon

(makes approx. 50 cannolis)

The key to a good flaky shell is to NOT work the dough too much..."cut" the Crisco into the dry ingredients until the mixture is no bigger than pea sized, then add the egg and slowly stir in the water until it forms a ball.

Mom usually makes this in advance and refrigerates the dough. It's easier to roll and work with when it's cold. Roll it thin (using flour so it doesn't stick), like less than an eight of an inch. Use a round cookie cutter (or a cup or a glass...anything round will do)...there are different sized tubes so you'll have to experiment with the size of the circle you're cutting. Wrap the cut circle around the tube and seal the edge with water...be sure the edges are sealed good because they tend to pop open when frying.

Confession: My brother and I used to pray for shells that popped open because then mom let us eat them. You can't fill a cannoli shell if it pops open. =) And sometimes....just sometimes....we'd purposely not seal it well. Sorry mom.

Fill a pan with a whole lotta vegetable oil and crank the burner up to "high". When oil sizzles with a splatter of water...it's ready. Electric deep fryer works too. Gently place several of the cannoli shells in the oil and fry until deep golden brown. If you have many tubes then making these are no big deal....but if you only have a hand full it becomes a chore because you have to wait for the tubes to cool before reloading the circles of dough. Hence, our tag teaming it as children. When you pull the tubes from the oil and slide the shell off the tube...place the shell on paper towel to soak up extra oil.

The shells can be made several days in advance and keep well.

Cannoli filling:

5 cups of milk
1 cinnamon stick
2.5 cups of sugar
1 cup of cornstarch
1 tsp vanilla

Heat sugar, milk, and cinnamon, leaving a little milk out to mix with the cornstarch. When milk comes to a boil add cornstarch/milk mixture. Mix until thick stirring continuously. Scrape the bottom of the pan as you stir so the milk doesn't burn...cuz then you end up with yucky ugly brown chunks in your filling. Put in the frig. When cooled, stir in vanilla. (Fills approx. 25 cannolis).

The easiest way to fill the cannoli shell is to use a cake decorator's bag such as this:

You're still not done.

Then you mix (very) finely chopped walnuts and some (very) finely chopped Hershey's chocolate together in a bowl. You can even mix some of the finely chopped Hershey's chocolate into the cooled filling. Yummy. Then dip the ends of the filled cannolis into the nut/chocolate mixture.

For best results...don't fill the shells too early. The shells with get a little soggy and lose their flakiness if you fill them too soon.

And that's it.

I'm going to make some soon....just as soon as I purchase my very own tubes....and take pictures along the way.

If you make these? You MUST share your opinion with me . It'll make my mom happy. =)

Eggakooga

2009-03-14T05:23:00.000-07:00

Eggakooga - This is the phonetic spelling. Say it exactly how you see it. Egg-a-koo-ga. Sounds funny doesn't it? It's fun to say. Eggakooga, eggakooga, eggakooga.

Eggakooga is another one of those family legacies that I'd like to share with you.

I grew up with eggakooga. Eggakooga has been a part of my life ever since...well....as far back as my memory begins. I obviously don't recall, but I'd bet my bottom dollar that eggakooga was one of my first solid foods. Some kids start with cheerios...we (I'm quite certain) started with eggakooga. We always looked forward to our weekend breakfast of eggakooga. It was such a huge part of our lives that I remember being absolutely shocked every time a friend came over to spend the night and had no idea what eggakooga was.

WHAT?!

You don't know what EGGakooga is??!! How is that possible? Dude, it's eggakooga! Surely your parents haven't deprived you your entire life from the yumminess of eggakooga!!

I'm so sorry. You poor, poor thing. Here. We'll fix that. Mom? My friend here has never had eggakooga. Will you please make her some? She needs to know eggakooga.
It wasn't until I was older that I learned no-one knows of eggakooga because it came from Belgium.

Three of my Grandparents are from Italy and one of my Grandparents (my paternal Grandmother) is from Belgium. My Grandma moved here with her parents when she was a little girl and brought this deliciousness with her. She used to make it for her kids...apparently it was my dad's favorite....so Grandma taught my mom how to make it....and now I make it for my kids. Although, truth be told, my mom makes it for my kids more often than I do. When my kids spend the night over there that's their little treat. They look forward to spending the night over there mainly because they know if they beg...Grandma will make them eggakooga.

Again, I'm not sure where this recipe originated from...whether it started with my Great-Grandma or Great-Great-Grandma is unknown. But I believe all the world should know about eggakooga.

Your life will be better because of it.

So here it is...

Eggakooga:

4 eggs
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup flour
and a pinch of salt.

That's it. So simple.

Put above ingredients in a blender and mix.

Melt some butter (1/2 TBSP or so) in a frying pan (over medium heat) while the blender is going.

Pour a thin layer of the mixture into the frying pan to cover the bottom.

Cook a couple minutes on each side....give or take.

And that's it.

You can roll it up with fruit.

You can sprinkle powdered sugar on it.

Or...you can eat it plain just by it's yummy self like me and my kids do.

And for some reason we've found that eating it like cavemen without utensils makes it taste even better. Go figure.

I've tried altering the recipe a little to make it a little healthier. Using Splenda to replace the sugar....using wheat flour to substitute white flour. And it works. But the original is so much better.

I should also warn you that we usually go through 16 eggs when we make this. I usually have to make four times the recipe. My kids are insatiable when I make it. Demanding more and more.

So, go try it and tell me what you think.

Holy Canoli! Spell check is NOT liking me today!

Hmmm....speaking of canoli...Maybe I'll share my mom's canoli recipe with you next. Pure heaven I tell you. Pure heaven.

The squacoon made me do it!

2009-03-13T06:31:00.000-07:00

Parenting tip #213:

Telling your kids to "stay away from drugs" is not enough....

Dreamy: Mom, remember when you first started talking to us about how we should always stay away from drugs, and how they hurt you, and how they're bad for your body and brain and make you do stupid things and even if a friend tries to give us a drug we should always say no?

Me: Yeah

Dreamy: Well, I used to think that drugs were an animal.

Me: huh???

Dreamy: Yeah. I used to think that "drugs" were an animal. I figured in my brain that they were like a cross between a squirrel and a raccoon. Like a racquirl or squaccoon.

God Bless...Beep Beep

2009-03-10T17:05:00.000-07:00

I spoke with my Aunt on the phone recently and she reminded me of this story and it got me to think'n.....

Most of you know when I was a little girl my father passed away. Leukemia. My mother found herself in the precarious position of being a widow with 2 small children (ages 5 & 2) at the tender age of 28. She didn't have a job nor did she have a college education. So, my dad, being the oldest of eight had a large family and they stepped up to the plate to help my mom out. My aunt came to live with us. She basically provided my mom with a live in nanny so my mom could get a job by day and go to college by night. I was only 5 at the time so I honestly have no conception of time. As far as my 5 year old memory is concerned it could have been 2 years she lived with us or just one month. I have no idea. But I remember that time very vividly. My Aunt made an impression on me and had a huge impact on my life. And she was only a young adult at that time. Maybe 19?

On a side note, and this has absolutely nothing to do with the purpose of this post, my Aunt is a dwarf. She stands less than 4 feet tall. I often wonder if I connected with her because she was my height at that time...or maybe it's because she was my father's sister. Whatever the reason, kids seem to be drawn to her as she has an incredibly wicked sense of humor.

But I digress...

So she came to live with us. And every time she would put me down for a nap or tuck me in at night she had a little ritual. She would lean over my bed, we would say our prayers, and she would then make the sign of the cross on my forehead with her thumb saying "God Bless" and then press my nose twice saying "Beep - Beep".

"God Bless Beep Beep."

This may sound like a silly little inconsequential gesture to you but it became oddly comforting to me. It was our little "thing." And I'm sure she did the same with my young brother at the time and she did the same with her future daughter. So it wasn't really "our" thing but my 5 year old self believed it was. I never knew, and often wondered, where that little gesture came from.

Until my Grandfather's funeral.

My Grandpa passed away several years ago. And at his funeral several of his kids (my Aunts and Uncle) stood up to share a few memories with all who mourned him. One of the stories that was shared was his nightly "God Bless Beep Beep" ritual. He did the same gesture to them every night before bed. And it touched them, enough to mention it at his funeral, the same way it touched me.

He had passed on this gesture to his kids, his kids passed on this gesture to me and probably all their own kids (my cousins), and now I pass on this gesture to my kids.

So this silly little inconsequential gesture has been passed on through 4 generations. Maybe more. Because now I wonder, where did my Grandfather get this? Did his mother (my Great Grandma) start this "God Bless Beep Beep" night time ritual when my Grandfather was a child? Did HER mother (my Great-great Grandmother) start this with HER in the Italian version of "God Bless Beep Beep"...which, according to free (and not so accurate) online translation, would be "Dio Benedice il segnale di segnale." Who knows? And maybe now my kids will carry on this silly little inconsequential night time ritual with their kids...and so on...

How many generations of this family will be touched by that one little inconsequential night time ritual? That one little piece of "whateveryouwanttocallit" has become a small part of SOMEone's legacy.

I wish I knew who that someone was.

So I could say thank you.

Time flies...blah blah blah....

2009-03-09T07:13:00.000-07:00

Has it really been almost a month since I last posted? It's probably been nearly as long since I've taken a peak in my google reader. In fact, hang on, I must go take a peak at my google reader numbers....this should be good.....

Don't go anywhere.....

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

My google reader has almost reached quadruple numbers! I miss ya'll. I do. Terribly. But I really suck at time management. As evidenced by my scatter brain household and parental mishaps. The most recent mishaps being......

1) With 3 kids all bringing notes home both from school and extracurriculars I tend to skim read them trying to pick out important information at a glance to save time. I mis-read the latest note from gymnastics thinking they didn't have practice the day before a meet....which didn't make sense....but whatever....and proceeded to tell another mom the same wrong information so they missed practice too. Yeay me.

2) We seem to have lost a very important part to my son's gymnastics uniform. Whether this is my fault or my son's fault is debatable but I'm guessing parents who are on top of things don't lose their kids' uniforms. Just a guess.

3) I somehow missed a very important school newsletter stating that there was a HUGE project due on Monday. My son has known about this for 3 weeks and I just found out 5 days before it's due date and 2 days before we left for an out of town gymnastics meet. Which meant I he we had approximately 24 hours to complete said project. The fault of this is, again, debatable but as the parent of this child I must accept a portion of the blame. A little aside here for any teachers who may be reading this.....please keep in mind I'm a little bitter about this.....HOW do all these FREAK'N projects contribute to my child's education AT. ALL???? They don't. Not at all. These projects are NOT for the children....they are FOR THE PARENTS!!! KNOCK IT OFF!!! I HAVE ENOUGH SHIT TO DO!!!

I would also like to say that I worked very hard on my son's project and fully expect an A+.

And for any parents out there who will undoubtedly feel the need to point out that my doing this project FOR him undermines the purpose and his education....I say...."save it."

Just trying to cover all bases here.

Kay, I feel better. If any teachers out there take offense to this....I apologize. I really do wish though that I could understand the purpose of these projects. They serve no purpose other than to stress an already "at her limit" mom out. If you feel projects are that necessary to their growth, development, and education....then how's about yah do them in the classroom? Just a thought.

Those are just a few of the most recent parental failures that come to mind...there are more....many....many.....many more.

On a happier note...

Our family vacation to Cancun was fabulous. There are very few things that make me happier than vacationing with my family. And every year that passes it becomes more enjoyable than the year before. The older our kids get the more self reliant they become. Plane trips are no longer the dreaded field trip they once were. (cue Bill Cosby and his "Jeffery" skit). I no longer have to worry about packing the pack-n-play, the stroller, the car seat, the diapers....etc. I no longer have to worry about how the kids will all fall asleep in the same room, making sure we're in the room for naps, or how to heat up a bottle. Up until a few years ago (for 9 years straight) vacationing was just a whole lotta work. Exhausting even.

Now?

It's the blissful escape and adventure it once was.

I assumed this position for much of this trip ~ Kindle in one hand & cocktail in the other. =)

Dreamy

The boys playing basketball at the kids camp with some of the friends they met.

We enjoyed a little putt putt.

Smurfette had her face painted at the kids camp.

Me smooch'n on my hubby. I would just like to point out what the humidity does to my hair. ACK!

Me and my favorite travel companions....

My husband joined a poolside activity...he volunteered to be a judge for bikini models. But instead got suckered into participating in a poolside Iron Man contest....he won and was deemed the King of Cancun for the week. I'm so proud.

Cramming an entire week in one post.

2009-02-11T04:12:00.000-08:00

The past week’s highlights in bullet form:

Monday the 2nd: Dreamy’s birthday

*Smurfette woke up at 1am and announced at my bedroom threshold that she had puked in her bed. I stumbled into her room with one eye open to discover the mound of blown chunks had actually made it to the carpet. Bonus.

*Kept Smurfette home from school. Within hours of waking she was chasing the dog around the house. No fever. Good appetite. Which lead me to believe that my skinny little Smurfette simply ate way more than her tiny tummy could handle at the previous night’s Superbowl Party.

*The family then celebrated Dreamy’s birthday at Outback Steakhouse per Dreamy’s request…he loves a good steak.

*Notice his diligence at scraping away all the good stuff off his dessert. All he wants is the ice cream.

*This is Dreamy's year for the "friend party". All 3 of my kids alternate and so get a "friend party" every 3rd year. Due to the gymnastics schedule and full weekend calendar Dreamy's birthday party with friends has been pushed back a couple weeks. We will be celebrating his 10th birthday with his friends at an indoor water park during their mid-winter break from school.

Tuesday the 3rd:

*Pulled Dreamy from school for the traditional birthday lunch. Big Boy restaurant gives a huge free dessert to the birthday child. We went to collect. Apparently the economy has hit Big Boy because the mound of Brownie, vanilla ice cream, and cool whip has been reduced to a brownie with chocolate syrup and whipped cream. They can no longer spare the scoop of ice cream. This child doesn’t like whipped cream. This child doesn’t like cake (they call it a brownie…but Dreamy begged to differ). So I ate his free dessert and bought him a scoop of ice cream. What’s a mom to do.

Wednesday the 4th:

*Hubs and I collectively had a minor ohmyfreaknGoshitscoldashellout winter blues melt down. So, we decided to call our travel agent and see if she could find this family of 5 a deal to somewhere (anywhere) with sand, sun, and heat... preferably with palm trees. And, to make a long story short…she did. An all inclusive four nights in Cancun. So, now I can muscle my way through the next 3 weeks of winter knowing that our family will see sunshine very soon. I just needed something to look forward to. Nothing helps pass the weeks of winter like shopping for swim suits and sandals.

Thursday the 5th:

*Met some friends for lunch where our annual trip to Florida was discussed. The trip is now officially booked. In roughly 10 weeks there will 6 gorgeous mom’s and wives lounging on the sandy shores of the golf coast with their umbrella drinks in one hand and books in the other. We will be the ones without children. We will be the ones without husbands. We will be the ones with the gleaming relaxed smiles on our face. And you may not want to visit our condo cuz we don’t cook, we don't clean, and we don't clean or pick up after ourselves (or each other) during this trip.

Friday the 6th:

*The kids stayed at Grandma’s over night while Hubs and I went out with some lovely new friends. K & I met at the gym. We’ve been work out buddies since last October. Our husbands hadn’t met till Friday night. Going out with new friends can be a little daunting. Not entirely sure what to expect or what they’re like. But we had a very good time and lots of fun with this couple and look forward to going out again in the future.

Saturday the 7th:

*My parents held a surprise 85th birthday party for my Step Dad’s mom….my step grandma so to speak. It was a surprisingly nice party. I say surprisingly not because my mom doesn’t know how to throw one hell of a spread…cuz she totally does…. but because of the attendees. There was no redneck hillbilly drama. All present were surprisingly pleasant….and kind...and dare I say….friendly. And Granny was touched…moved to tears even. And that alone speaks volumes….cuz this redneck hillbilly hard nosed granny of a woman….doesn’t cry. Ever. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that….

Sunday the 8th:

*Our little boy smurfs had a gymnastics meet at their own home gym. The first of many (we hope). They did very good. It was a very small meet. Hefty was one of 4 in his level and Dreamy was one of 8. They both took 1st place and walked away with a really cool trophy. More importantly, they walked away feeling proud that they had done their personal best.

I tried like hell to blur out other children's faces but I can't figure out Photoshop to save my freak'n life. I now have a Photoshop for dummies book and hope to make it a priority in my life real soon.

Monday the 9th:

*We attended Dreamy's 4th grade winter music concert. Where he refused to sing, refused to dance, and refused to do the sign language. And he was standing smack dab front and center. *sigh* This child's stubbornness will be my undoing.

*And here it is Wednesday morning and I woke again at 1:00am to the sound of my oldest child blowing chunks in his bathroom sink. Why his sink? Because someone had used the toilet yesterday and didn't flush....leaving a lovely surprise. Nice. I know. So, now I'm home with another sick child. *sigh*

Other happenings this week....

*My Step Dad used his amazing work shop skillz to make us this fabulous custom made built in bay window seat and book shelf. LOVE. IT! Please ignore the missing panel on the window seat...it will be put on shortly.

*There's lots of shelves and storage behind those closed doors!

*And even more hidden storage under those seats!

The Middle Child

2009-02-02T08:41:00.000-08:00

My first born holds a special place in my heart because he's my first born. He taught me how to be a mom. He taught me how to love and nurture. But his first year was difficult for me because I had no idea what I was doing as I explained here.

My last born holds a special place in my heart because she's my baby and my only daughter. But her first year was difficult for me because she was colicky as I've explained here.

My middle child holds a special place in my heart for other reasons entirely. I worried my whole pregnancy how I could possibly hold and give the same amount of love for another child that I did for my first. The idea was inconceivable to me. I worried that it wouldn't be possible to divide my love and attention. But when this middle child of mine entered our world it all became instantly clear. Your love isn't divided. It's multiplied.

I worried that having two children so close together in age would be very difficult. A toddler and an infant. But this child was so easy and content that I felt silly for worrying.

This whole second experience was just so much better than the first. In every aspect.

My pregnancy was more comfortable because I only gained 40 pounds instead of 75.

His birth was a piece of cake. I had hoped to try for a VBAC but after 15 hours of labor and no progress I simply asked for a C-Section & he was born. On his due date. Groundhogs Day. I was awake for the birth this time. I didn't freak out on the operation table this time. I held him, nursed him, bonded with him immediately instead of 8 hours later.

This baby's dimples captured my heart in seconds. He's my only child to have inherited those gorgeous dimples from my father's side of the family.

This second born son held a special place in my heart the instant he entered our world. He nursed instantly and easily. My goal was to nurse him until he was sleeping through the night. He was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and I stopped producing enough for him. It was an unplanned weening. I never went through the engorgement and pain of weening. It just happened. Easy.

He never cried. And when I say "never" I truly mean "never". He'd let out a little whimper every now and then when he was hungry but that was it. My mother thought there was something wrong with him and thought I should ask the doctor about it because "it's just not natural for a baby to not cry."

When he'd finish nursing at night he'd fall instantly to sleep. There was no dinner/evening time bewitching hours for this one.

He was the only one of my infants to let me rock him to sleep. I could sit and rock him for hours and he would just stare at me and smile. He was my only cuddler. Content to just be in my arms. And yet, if I put him in his crib awake? He'd fall asleep all on his own without a sound or complaint.

He was a perfect baby. The happy and easy infant that every mom dreams of having. If all my babies had been this easy I probably would have ended up with ten kids.

It's 10 years later to the day and he still manages to squeeze my heart daily with his dimply smile and happy-go-lucky eager to please ways. He's got just a touch of my hard headed stubbornness. That stubbornness makes me want to pull my hair out some days....but it mostly just makes me smile. He's my sweet one. The one that will still cuddle with me on occasion. The one that is very stingy with the kisses but gives one hell of a hug. The one that notices when I've gotten a hair cut and compliments me when he likes what I'm wearing. He's the one that offers helpful tips when needed and who's teachers adore him. He's the one that is learning to cope with sensory integration over load and over came his delayed speech and now gets straight As. He's the one that is hoping to get two more card markings of straight As so that he can get the Faux-hawk I promised him *God help me*. He makes us laugh with his goofy ways and sense of humor (only Dreamy could hurt himself on the bathroom faucet while trying to get a good look at his wedgie in the mirror). He makes us (and himself) giggle with his Monk-like OCD ways. He's obsessed with the TV show Monk for a reason. He understands Monk. He "gets" Monk.

And he's the one that tends to get slightly shafted because of where he falls in this family line up. Today is his birthday. Today, as tradition dictates, I should be pulling him out of school and taking him out to lunch for his birthday. But Smurfette decided to vomit in her bed last night and had to stay home from school today. Did Dreamy get upset? No. Did he complain or put up a fight? No. He said "It's OK Mom, we'll go tomorrow."

I love this child more than words can say.

Happy 10th Birthday Dreamy. You've finally made it to the double digits!

New Born Hospital photo:

6 months old:

Monthly photos up to first birthday:

18 months old:

2 years old (would yah just look at those dimples...I just wanna eat'm up):

3 years old:

4 years old:

5 years old:

6 years old:

7 years old:

8 Years old:

9 year old:

What does your medicine cabinet say about you?

2009-01-28T06:44:00.000-08:00

I've been watching this meme go around for a few days now and was honestly a little disturbed by it at first. You mean friends/family that have been invited into my home, may possibly be and quite probably are, peeking in my medicine cabinets for no other purpose than to be nosey?? Seriously?? I swear on all that is Holy....to any person reading this that has ever invited me over to your home....I have NEVER peeked in your medicine cabinet for the sole purpose of being nosey. Ever. Not because I'm above peeking in your cabinet, mind you, but because the thought honestly never even occurred to me. And not because I'm worried that your cabinet door might have squeeky hinges that may or may not alert you that I may be peeking in your cabinet. Just say'n....

Now that I'm finding out this is the thing to do....I will be....peeking in your cabinets that is. Consider yourself warned.

You know what? My medicine cabinet is in my master bathroom. A bathroom that only my husband and I use. So, I have nothing to be worried about. I have no medicine cabinet in the bathroom that is most likely being used by my company.

And so now I'm feeling guilty because, as I've just warned you, I'll be peeking in your medicine cabinets and you haven't had equal opportunity to peek in mine. So, Colleen tagged me for this meme and I'll be taking advantage of this opportunity to even the score between myself and any future guests.

I have 3 different areas in my home where medicine is kept so I'll share all three with you and follow up with some necessary explanations.

First on the list is the cabinet in my master bathroom.

This cabinet holds very little in terms of medicine.

Let's break this down.

Several points of interest in above photo:

The Clean Pore bottle in the back? Expired in 1999. I didn't realize pore cleansers expired. We bought this house in 2000. I had to have bought that cleanser sometime in 97 or 98, no? Which means that I had not used it in the 2 - 3 years prior to moving (note the completely full bottle)...but still chose to pack it for the move to this house....then unpacked it and stuck it in that medicine cabinet where it has remained ever since. I remember trying that cleanser and not liking it because it left a sticky (not clean) feeling on my face. So why did I keep it, pack it, unpack it, and keep it again....for 10 or 11 years?? Couldn't tell you.

The bottle of lotion in the back? I won it at my cousin's bridal shower. Like, twelve years ago. I love the smell of it (Lavendar & Thyme) but not the texture of it. So I kept it? Again, no clue why.

Neutragena shampoo bottles? Please note the rusted caps. That is all.

Hemorrhoid cream? Also expired several years ago. And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

WHAT!?!

These bottles of perfume? I've had them since high-school. I don't wear perfume. I don't like perfume. But I keep the bottles anyway. Why? I have no frick'n clue. But, back in college when I DID like perfume Dune and Passion were my favorites.

I prefer scented body sprays such as Victoria Secret's Vanilla Lace.

The above items are kept on stand by just. in. case. We've had several scares over the years that have resulted in quarantining the home for precautionary measures. The latest scare being last years lice epidemic at the kids' school that lasted a few months. We some how lucked out and haven't had to use the stocked supply of Nix...but one can never be too careful. Because, dudes, if lice should ever find it's way in my home? I'll need to be committed.

Now, let's take a peak in the kitchen cabinet. This is our catch-all kitchen junk & medicine cabinet. Are we the only one's that keep medicine in the kitchen? I'm realizing as I write this just how much this one cabinet says about me. I'm starting to understand the fascination with peeking.

For example, upon careful examination......

You will learn I like to buy in bulk. As evidenced by the 5 pound bottles of flaxseed oil and calcium. Both of which, by the way, have been in this cupboard for several years.

And, FYI, don't take the triple omega unless burping up the taste of fish for several hours appeals to you (has also been in this cupboard for several years....for that reason).

And lets just say I used to have some stomach issues and leave it at that....m'kay?

For the record? My stomach issues seem to be resolved (for the most part) ever since I took up running.

It seems I also have some body image / weight loss issues as evidenced by....

And sleeping issues.....

And three kids who are always sick with one virus or another......

And then there's the hallway bathroom pantry closet.

With more of the same.

I had hoped to use this meme as inspiration to clean these areas out and share the before and after pictures with you but I am now officially out of time and have spent the entire evening running around with the kids. So...it's not happening. Today, anyway. Maybe I'll get to it later and share my purging pictures with you. No promises.

If you are reading this concider yourself tagged. Play along if you like and let me take a peek in your medicine cabinet(s) so I won't have to feel guilty about peeking behind your back when you invite me over for a glass of wine next week.

Edited to add: I swear I'm convinced someone is messing with me. I've edited and re-edited this stupid post because pictures and paragraphs keep sporatically dissappearing. I give up. I'm still missing paragraphs and photos but I'm too frustrated to redo it. BAH! Spell check is not working right now either and I don't have the patience to edit or look things up. You're just gonna have to deal with it. =)

Fabulous Weekend

2009-01-26T05:21:00.000-08:00

Fabulous because we had no where to travel to and nothing in particular to do. I love lazy weekends like this.

Friday: Hubby and I had a hot date. My mom came by to stay with the kids and we spent the evening together. We don't do this nearly enough during these winter months because of the busy gymnastics schedule. We had a lovely dinner and then walked down the street to a bar for a couple drinks. We then walked over to the comedy club where a group of middle aged house wives (celebrating a 40th birthday dontchaknow) tried desperately to ruin the show by making a point to let the rest of the audience know that they were surely having a far better time than the rest of us because they were wild, obnoxious, and loud housewives who never get out of the house. They got kicked out after rendering the 2nd comedian speechless. He couldn't get a word in edgewise and didn't stand a chance next to these fine ladies. This sparked a whole conversation with comedian #3 who then proceeded to let the audience know that in his experience it's always the middle aged housewives that cause the problems. I'm guessing that's because many of us feel the need to prove to the world that we're just as young at heart and just as wild & crazy as we once were? Just a guess. It turned out to be a good show once we got past the disruption.

And, yes, we smoked. UGH. Broke the 18 day smoke free streak we had going. But we're back on and starting the count all over again. Once again. So here we are back at day 3 of "Breathing Free." We will forever be quitters. I said I wouldn't bore you with the redundant smoking updates. But you know what? This is my blog. And nicotine addiction is part of me.

Saturday: I spent most of the day doing laundry, cleaning house, and planning and filling out invitations for Dreamy's upcoming birthday party. After the boys returned from gym practice we took the kids to DQ for their report card reward (All "As" dontcha know). We went to the movie store and picked out Hancock. Not the most appropriate language for kids (it's PG-13 for a reason) but a good movie. Smurfette ended the day with 102 degree fever and "tummy ache."

Sunday: Smurfette was still spiking 102 degree fevers so we didn't do much. I spent the day hemming drapes. My Dad, a man with skillz, built us a custom made bench seat with storage for under our bay window in our office. It's not 100% complete yet. The moldings still need to be put up. This picture doesn't do it justice. Really. I wish I had a before and after photo to show what a difference it makes in the room. But I don't.

This required me to chop off a foot and a half from the drapes. And now he's gonna build us a custom made built in floor to ceiling cabinet to replace this book shelf. It's gonna be perty!

I'm trying to talk Papa Smurf into joining the gym with me. I had hoped to bring him with me to the gym for a work out while the boys were at gym practice but Smurfette's fever didn't allow that. So I went solo and got a run in. And that's it. Our weekend in a nutshell.

And now I leave you with some gymnastics bloopers photos from the last meet in Chicago.

Thou shalt not separate legs on pommel:

Thou shalt not bend body in half, flex the feet, or fall off (3 times) when on pommel:

Thou shalt not fall off Parallel Bars:

Thou shalt not fall out of hand stand (twice) on floor routine:

Thou shalt not take steps on landings:

Thou shalt not.....do THIS....EVER~!

Can't win'em all boys.

Chillax'n in Chicago

2009-01-23T11:05:00.000-08:00

It’s been over a week since I’ve last posted and almost as long since I’ve looked in my Google Reader. I miss reading about everyone’s days but I’m really enjoying this time off from the pressure of staying up to date. I hope to get caught up this weekend but I may have to just empty the reader and start fresh. I'm just not getting into this blogging thing anymore. If I'm being completely honest I'd have to say that this has become more or a chore lately than the enjoyable escape that it once was. I'm getting tired of wasting my days in front of this computer.

I have no less than twenty little notes written with things I’ve wanted to share but I’ve gotten so behind that I think I may just have to scrap those notes and, like the google reader, just start fresh.

Our family took a little road trip to Chicago this past weekend for a gymnastics meet. We left Thursday late afternoon and returned at 3am Monday morning. Both drives there and back were horrendous. White out blizzard icy conditions that turned what would have been a 5 hour drive into a 6 ½ - 7 hour drive. I was doped up on pain meds but still in pain and dreadfully uncomfortable. Hubby was cranky from the white knuckled driving conditions and the bitch speaking to him from behind the GPS screen. Once upon a time, it was the kids we had to worry about surviving a road trip with. But thanks to the geniuses at Chrysler who stuck DVD and satellite TV in their vans….the kids were perfect the entire trip. I am forever indebted to those Chrysler powers that be. And for those of you out there who are judging me for sticking my kids in front of the TV to shut them up and missing out a perfect "bonding moment" of a road trip? Bite me. And I mean that in a very kind way.

The weekend in a very brief nut shell.

Thursday - We arrived in Chicago sometime around 11pm. We were tired. We were cranky. We went immediately to sleep.

Friday - Dreamy competed and did not do very well. He had a rough start which stomped all over his confidence and he just couldn't pick it back up. We've chalked this meet up to a much needed lesson in humility. His little ego was crushed as he's become accustomed to sweeping all his meets. As awful as this may sound....he needed this. Sometimes a little beating of the ego is all it takes to remotivate.

Saturday - The kids spent a few hours in the pool while Papa Smurf and I took turns in the gym. Our hotel had a kick'n gym (Did I just say "kick'n" out loud? My kids are rub'n off on me). I actually worked out. And my back was actually feeling a little better. We then spent the afternoon at the Science and Industry Museum which we all really enjoyed. And it just happened to be a free admission day. Bonus. We then met up with the rest of the team at Hard Rock for little dinner and a whole lot of obnoxiousness (the parents ~ not the kids). That was fun. Then we divided and conquered ~ the boys/men headed over to the ESPN Zone for some bonding time (aka grunting and farting) while the girls headed to the American Girl Place to chillax with Kit. (I'm just throwing these pre-adolescent words in here to embarrass my boys...they just love when I try to be all cool like them) Fun was had by all. =)

Sunday - We spent the early afternoon walking up Michigan Ave. It was bitter cold which sucked all the fun right out of shopping. Hubby purchased a new pair of running shoes and we hit the sales at the Disney Store. And that's it. Sad. Hefty competed in the evening. He also had a rough meet but didn't take it as bad as Dreamy. A couple years make a world of difference in emotional maturity. Two years ago it was Hefty beating himself up and sulking over his mistakes and deductions. He's finally learning to let it go and move on.

I haven't down loaded any photos or video yet. I'll get to it eventually and share them with you.

My back is feeling much better. I'm sleeping again. Without the assistance of illegal drugs or stomach tearing NSAIDS I might add. That's always a good thing. There's a whole lotta crack'n and creak'n goin on down there now but I think that's a good thing as maybe that means everything is trying to work it's way back into place.

And now I must go and beautify myself as hubby and I have a hot date tonight. I also must clean my house as my mom is coming to babysit my kids and my house is a mess. Have I mentioned that I'm trying to go without my cleaning lady. It's not working out so well. She hasn't been here in over a month. She used to come, on average, 3 times per month. I can give up a lot of things but I just don't think I'm ready to give up the cleaning lady. My inner domestic goddess died the day I gave birth to my 3rd child. And I'm OK with that. But I'm NOT OK with having a filthy house. Thus, the cleaning lady.

I'm only human, people.

Trudging right along....

2009-01-14T12:17:00.000-08:00

I'm muscling my way through yet another 6 y/o's knock knock joke phase. I'm a little disappointed that after her I won't have any more lame jokes to laugh at. Besides my own of course. It's funny that all kids seem to go through this somewhere between Kindergarten and 1st grade.

dd: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: To get to the other side?
dd: No, To save the world. MWAHAHAHAHA.....

dd: Why did the duck cross the road?
Me: I don't know.
dd: So he could fly and save the world like batman. MWAHAHAHA....

dd: Knock knock

Me: Who's there?
dd: paloopidoop

Me: paloopidoop who

dd: paloopidoop poop. MWAHAHAHA....

dd: Knock knock

Me: who's there?
dd: cha cha cha cha cha cha

Me: cha cha cha cha cha cha who

dd: cha cha cha cha cha cha doo doo. MWAHAHAHA....

dd: Knock knock
Me: Who's there

dd: Strawberry doo doo
Me: Strawberry doo doo who
dd: Strawberry doo doo mama's feet stink. MWAHAHAHA....

Clearly she gets her humor (or lack there of) and her potty mouth from me.

On another note: I forgot to mention in Monday's update how the boys did at their gymnastics meet in Lansing on Sunday. I was too busy ranting about my failed diet and sucky Michigan weather. Hefty had an incredible meet. He could do no wrong. Took home 6 gold medals. A gold in 5 out of 6 of the events and the All Around. Dreamy could only compete in 3 of the 6 events because of an injured finger. So he couldn't compete in the all around competition. But he took a gold and a silver in 2 of those 3 events. I am a proud mama.

On another note: Dreamy came home from school yesterday afternoon with 102 degree fever. Thus begins round 348 of the winter virus blues. Poor kid can't catch a break. He's missed more practices than he's actually attended in the last couple weeks because of the finger and now he's sick so he missed yesterday's practice as well....which was the last practice before he's scheduled to compete in Chicago on Friday. We still don't know how his finger will hold up on those 3 other events because he hasn't had a chance to test it out. So it should be an interesting meet. Hefty isn't scheduled to compete until the very last session on Sunday so we have all day Saturday and half the day on Sunday to meander around the city. Should be fun. Assuming, of course, I don't lose a nipple or two to frost bite.

Let's see. What else?

Ah. I finally bit the bullet and went to my doctor yesterday about my back. What a waste of time (and money) that was. I knew there wasn't much he could do for a pulled muscle but I wanted to get some drugs (pain killers or muscle relaxers) so I could sleep (I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep since last Thursday) and I've been over dosing on Motrin and Aleve for 5 days straight now. If I don't end up in the ER for the back pain then I'll surely end up there for an ulcer. I also wanted to make sure I could tolerate the 5 1/2 hour car ride to Chicago tomorrow. I can't imagine sitting in the car for that long with my back hurting like this. And then sitting in bleacher seats for 5 hours to watch a competition. Do you know that SOB wouldn't give me a prescription. Pissed me right off. So I'll be taking Leslie's advice (thank you Leslie) and bumming a couple more Vicodin from dear old dad and taking them with a benadryl chaser. Actually, my neighbor's an ER doc...maybe I'll hit him up for a script instead. Come to think of it...so is my team fitness partner. I Should'a just done that to begin with. I think it's time to find a new doctor. Which is really a damn shame cuz he's awfully cute.

*After re-reading that last paragraph I feel I need to add a disclaimer....Just so ya'll know, I am NOT a drug seeking narcotic addict. The last time I took prescription pain medication was....years ago....probably with my last c-section. Just say'n.....

I just now...as in 2 seconds ago....received a phone call. It was a Chrysler Financial automated message asking me to "please hold for an important message from the next available representative." Are you eff'n kidding me?!?

Before that? I received a phone call from my darling husband telling me that (another) "emergency" has arisen at work and he will be unable to attend Hefty's Dare Graduation at the school tonight. Are you eff'n kidding me?!?

I think I'll leave the phone off the hook for the rest of the afternoon.

On a brighter note....I'm starting to plan our annual girls' long weekend "group therapy" themed trip to Sanibel, Florida. 4 nights and 5 days sans husband or children. *sigh* Can't wait.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is officially kick'n in.

2009-01-12T11:02:00.000-08:00

I apologize in advance for this ridiculously boring and pissy post.

So, one week into my New Years declaration and I'm doing, OK. Just OK. I haven't dropped any pounds but I haven't gained any either and when you consider the fact that this is day 8 of "breathing free" that's really quite an accomplishment for me. Only a smoker can fully appreciate this. When the hand mouth oral fixation isn't being satisfied through smoking we replace the cigarette with food.

Note to self: Invest in an industrial size bag of suckers.

Don't judge. It's very unbecoming.

I was doing really good with the eating healthier until yesterday. We were at a competition and the food that was available to us didn't leave us with many choices. So I snacked on crap all day. And by "crap" I mean gigantic (and by gigantic I mean 8 inches in diameter) m&m sugar cookies and big buckets of popcorn. Our family also ended up at a fast food joint last night because it was late and we were out of town and we had a long drive home and we didn't have any healthier options. Yes, I could've chosen a healthier alternative than the crispy chicken club (fresh from the deep fryer) from Wendy's. But I didn't.

Sue me.

And this week Thursday we leave for another gymnastic's meet in Chicago and so eating healthy this weekend will be a (another) huge challenge. There's always something in the way, isn't there?

I worked out 5 days last week. Monday - Friday. Did something really awful to my lower back during Friday's Fitness class and was down and out in pain all weekend. I think I pulled a muscle. The pain progressively got worse all day Friday until I ended scamming a couple Vicodin from my dad so I could sleep. The Vicodin took the edge off but I was up all night anyway itching from the drugs. Figures. The pain is still there and I still can't sleep because of it and I'm just not a nice person to be around when I can't sleep. I'm over dosing on Motrin and Aleve, I smell like freak'n Bengay, and I walk around with a cold compress strapped around my waste all day. Still trying to decide if I should just suck it up until it heals or actually make a trip to my doctors.

I'm tired, I'm crabby, I'm in pain, and I am sick. to. death of winter. Seriously. I've had enough.

Forget yesterday's post. I was high on drugs. Michigan sucks.

Excuse me while I go take a hefty dose of Vitamin D.

And to add fuel to my fire I can't space my paragraphs apart in this post....or yesterday's post. WTH!

Michigan

2009-01-11T07:16:00.000-08:00

When I first met my husband the summer after our first year in college he was majoring in International Marketing. I knew early on in our relationship that this was the guy for me but his major concerned me. I come from a large close knit Italian family and had absolutely no desire to move out of Michigan. None. I would not move. Period. My husband is an only child and his parents are divorced and live out of state. He has no family in Michigan so moving out of Michigan has never been a big deal to him. He knew this was important to me and eventually changed his major to Accounting.

Up until recent years I still held on to my "No-way, No-how" stubbornness. I. will. not. move. I never particularly cared for Michigan per say it was only my family that I refused to leave. I could do without the cold winters thankyouverymuch. I truly believe that I was meant to live in a warm climate. And by warm....I mean hot. Hot as in palm trees and sandy beaches. My family, however, is rooted here. I blame them for not getting the hell out of Dodge when they had the chance. Just kidding, Mom. =)

But in recent years I've begun to change my views. It's bad here in Michigan. In a way that only a fellow Michigander can understand. The morale in these parts is at a dismal low. The economy is all we talk about. 75% of my family work for one of the "Big Three". At every family gathering we take inventory on who still has jobs and who's worried about their job. Decreased home values, home foreclosures, and the down fall of the Detroit car companies is the conversation topic of choice when standing in line behind Joe Shmoe at the super market.

It's bad here.

Real bad.

So, I've been trying in recent years to be more open minded about "getting the hell out of Dodge." My husband has been trying to talk me into moving further south for years. He was considering calling the head-hunters and letting them know that a job out of state is no longer "out of the question."

But this morning? Things have changed. I think I have finally, after 36.75 years, fallen in love with Detroit.

Mitch Album recently wrote an article for Sports Illustrated and it was published in the Detroit Newspapers this morning. To my fellow Michiganders....."I love yah man." If you didn't pick up the papers and read it this morning you can read it in the link below. It is brilliant.

Mitch Albom: The Courage of Detroit

Twilight

2009-01-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

The house is silent and all I can hear is the loud rhythmic ticking of the clock in my kitchen and the zipper from a pair of jeans clanking against the walls of my dryer.

The kids are in school.

The dog is asleep in front of the fireplace.

The TV is off.

The sun is shining.

I haven't blogged or twitted a whole lot lately because I've been in this position.......

...for the past two weeks.

I'm almost done. I'm almost ready to say "good-bye" to Edward and Bella forever.

*sniff*

Shedding the Fluff once and for all!

2009-01-06T10:03:00.001-08:00

So, yesterday was a serious kick in my bee-hind. I needed that kick...bruises and all. Yesterday was the first day of my second session of the fitness class I joined. I've been going 3 days per week since the end of last October (minus a few days for holidays, snow days, and sick days....OK, maybe more than a "few" days) and am now officially 2 pounds heavier and 1.1% higher body fat than I was back in October when I first started. Seriously?

I suck.

So this is IT!

I'm coming clean to bloggy land. And if I don't make my goals by the end of this session I'm going to....to.....I don't know.....what do you all want? I'll have a giveaway or something. Any ideas? Share your ideas with me. Cuz I really need to get serious about this.

So here it goes

I was weighed at the gym this morning for our testing day (now, keep in mind, this is fully clothed, with shoes, after breakfast).....I weighed 151 pounds....*GASP*.....and had 32% body fat....double *GASP*.

ACK!

Seriously, The last time I weighed this much I was pregnant. That sucks. I'm only 5' 3". That SO sucks. I used to be in very good physical shape. Very firm. Now I just feel fluffy and saggy. I hate it.

So! That's it! I'm losing this extra layer once and for all. And I'm taking you on my journey with me to keep me accountable.

I'm running the bayshore 1/2 marathon on May 23rd. My goal is to drop 20 pounds by that date. That gives me 16 weeks!

See these love handles?......they'll be GONE!

See this Budda gut? GONE!

This unsucked 4 - 5 month pseudo pregnancy? GONE!

Double chin? History!

This is me getting serious, folks!

I've gone full circle in less than 4 days.

2009-01-03T17:12:00.000-08:00

I've spent the last 4 hours on the internet reading various frugal living blogs, printing online coupons, clipping newspaper coupons, going through grocery store sale papers, meal planning, and making grocery lists.

I'm almost certain I've developed a necrotic sore on my rump from sitting here and developing my new and improved frugal living ways.

I'm sure the doctor's visit to treat said necrotic sore will be far more costly than the money I'll save in my attempts.

Re-thinking the cost effectiveness of this way of life.

It was a good year.

2009-01-02T05:20:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned yesterday, New Years Eve and New Years day are my 2 favorite days of the year. Not only because it marks the end of a stressful time of year but because I find myself reflecting on the blessings in my life more on those two days than any other.

2008 was a great year for my family. Arguably our best year yet. I tend to overlook the events in my life as they're happening and it's not until the turning of the year that I'm able to look back on many of those events with wistfulness and gratitude.

The best moments of 2008:

Our trip to the Atlantis resort in February 2008. This was our family's first middle of the winter vacation. I've never felt so relaxed and care free on any other family vacation we've gone on. I'm getting much better at travelling calmly with my kids. Or maybe it's just getting easier because they are now older. Either way...it's good.

The boys' taking home the Gold and Bronze medals at their State meet in March.

My annual girl's trip to Florida in April. An entire 4.5 days of stress free, child free, husband free mommy glee. I love my friends and I love spending alone therapeutic time with them.

My daughter's first dance recital.

Weekend scrapbooking slumber party with my gal pals.

Our annual 4th of July party.

Completing my 2nd marathon in Chicago.

Our week long annual trip in August with our friends to Higgins Lake.

And, of course, another New Years Eve party spent with those we love.

Other Note worthy 2008 happenings:

The books Happiness Now and Eat Pray Love have both collectively changed my life forever....and I do mean that in the corniest way possible. The way I view and live my life has been completely transformed in the year 2008.

I officially resigned from my job as an RN this past May.

I recently ran into a former co-worker at the gym I work out at. We were having a very pleasant "How have you been" reunion conversation until the tone took a drastic turn...

her: We've missed you. Where have you been?

me: I resigned in May and am a SAHM now.

her: Oh. How can you afford to do that with this economy? (yes, she actually said that)

me: Um. We're doing just fine.

her: Oh. Well, better you than me. I could never stay home. I'd be bored stiff. What do you do all day, *said with pitiful cringe on her face*. (yes, she actually said that)

I'm not a quick thinker. It usually takes me several minutes to realize that I've been insulted. I'm sure she didn't mean to be insulting but I was insulted non-the-less. My immediate reaction resembled a stunned, slack jawed, deer in headlights. I honestly can't even remember how I responded but I know I walked away pissed at myself for not having a quick snarky reply.

I am not bored because I choose to not be bored. I do not feel unfulfilled because I choose to find fulfillment in other ways. I have many interests and many hobbies and friends in my life that keep me plenty busy. I enjoy being at home and feel grateful and enormously lucky that I am able to stay at home. And I hate, hate, HATE, that I feel the need to justify my SAHM status to other people. I view my SAHM status as an enormous blessing. Not because I didn't enjoy my job as an RN but because I enjoy the lack of stress in my life even more. I like that I don't have to worry every day who will take my kids to their extracurriculars after school, who will get dinner on my table, who will get my laundry caught up & when will I find time to clean my house. I don't have to worry about working holidays and weekends. I don't have to feel guilty for not being able to help out in my kids' classrooms on those special holiday party days.

So there! :-P

This was also the first year that I really didn't stress out about all the holiday parties we hosted. I am finally able to simply enjoy gathering my family and friends together in my home for the sake of the gathering. Once upon a time I would become a basket case at the thought of hosting parties. I would lose sleep and stress over making everything perfect. Worried about what everyone was thinking of me and my family and my home. What will they say about the food? What will they think if my faucet is spotted with water and toothpaste. What will they think if there's clothes on the floor of my laundry room. I've gotten over it. I can feel a transformation taking place in me. Which, I think, is the result of something much bigger. I am finely, at the age of 36, comfortable in my own skin. Comfortable with who I am as a person. Happy with my life and less reliant on the approval of others. Of course love and approval is important in my life. It's important in everyone's life. But I no longer feel my happiness is reliant on it.

2008 was a great year. It'll be hard to top. But I am truly looking forward to seeing what the year 2009 has in store for us.

I'm not going to set New Years resolutions this year as my track record for keeping those resolutions is really quite depressing. I thought about using reverse psychology on myself...I figured a New Years resolution like...say...."I will gain 20 pounds by the month of May"...is a much more attainable goal. But I decided that just wasn't healthy....on so many levels. But I will say that there are a few things I'm going to try harder to improve in my life.

1. I am going to make this the year I become successful at quiting smoking. I'm not going to call this a New Years resolution because that's just too much pressure. But I'm going back on Chantix tomorrow and I'm going to look into hypnosis and/or acupuncture for help. I'm desperate. I'm not going to update you on my progress because, again, that's just too much pressure...and since I've said all this before....you don't want to keep hearing about it.

2. I am going to work harder at maintaining a healthier lifestyle. ie. eating healthier, staying away from fast food, and continuing with my regular workouts.

3. This one has been made FOR me by my dear hen pecking friend who insists she is going to run the 1/2 marathon in 2 hours. She is my running partner and I need to keep up with her so by default I guess I'll have to do the same. =)

4. This one has also been made for me because that same hen pecking friend won't stop pecking at me until I agree....so it looks like I'll be attempting my first mini-triathlon before the end of the year. =) I'll try (almost) anything once.

5. I hope, by being successful at #s 2, 3, & 4, to drop 20 pounds before summer swim suit season hits.

6. Suzy Orman inspired this one: Suzy says you should have an 8 -12 month "rainy day fund" for emergencies. We don't have that. We have no debt (except our mortgage). We'll be set when we retire, and our children's college will be paid for but we have only a small emergency fund. If hubby loses his job tomorrow....we're screwed. We'd be OK for a few months but certainly not 8....at least not without digging into the retirement and college savings. And I take a lot of the blame for that...not all of it mind you....but most. I like to shop. That's no secret. That's going to change. I'm putting myself on a budget and we're going to start saving money for our emergency fund. My goal is to save $12,000 by the end of the year. I'm going to start clipping coupons again, I'm going to start bargain shopping again, I'm going to try harder to stay away from fast food and eating out, and I'm going to start meal planning again! No more vending machine diet cokes! Do you know that I spend almost $100.00 in vending machine Diet Cokes each month!? It's a sickness. I'm giving up Diet Coke.

7. One Random act of kindness each day.

And that's it for now. I may add on to this list in the future if I come up with something else.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T13:00:00.000-08:00

Shhhhh. Can you hear that? That, my friends, is the sound of relief. The sound of no more holiday parties, no more last minutes trips to the store, no more frantic 2am gift wrapping sessions, no more cooking, no more baking, no more preparing......no more.

*sigh*

When people are asked what their favorite day of the year is I believe most respond with the typical "Christmas" answer.

Not me.

My favorite day of the year? New Years Day.

It follows my second favorite day of the year. New Years Eve.

These last couple weeks have just flown by in a whirlwind. In a good way. As much belly-aching as I do about my to-do lists and feeling overwhelmed I, believe it or not, truly do secretly enjoy the hustle and bustle of the Nov. and Dec. holiday season. I get overwhelmed at times and I have the occasional stressed out sleepless night but all-in-all I enjoy everything about it.

Our Christmas was wonderful.

I thought Christmas was ruined this year when Hefty found Santa's stash and showed Dreamy, who in turn showed Smurfette. I was devastated when my DD came up to me and said "Mama, the boys showed me a bunch of toys in the basement and said they were our Christmas presents and I think they were tricking me but the toys I saw were toys that I put on my list. Were they tricking me, mama?" I recovered quickly with a "Santa sometimes visits early to make Christmas day easier for him" explanation. "He hides the toys and then returns Christmas morning to finish wrapping the gifts and puts them under the tree." She bought it. And thankfully I had half the gifts wrapped already so they didn't see everything.

There was still excitement in the air on Christmas Eve. Carrots were left out for the reindeer and brownies and milk (and a lactaid) were left out for Santa. I was so disappointed and angry that the boys would ruin Christmas for each other that I told them all their toys would be returned (I'm cruel like that). When the boys woke up Christmas morning and saw that the gifts were not returned Dreamy got a little a teary eyed and actually kissed me on the mouth and gave me a huge hug. This may seem like no big deal to you but to put how huge this is into perspective...my little Dreamy is a little OCD about kissing on the mouth. I haven't received a kiss from this child in YEARS. He'll allow me to kiss his cheek and he'll pretend kiss me on my cheek but that's it. But I got a voluntary smooch and a tearful & heart felt "thank you mom" when he saw that his gifts were under the tree. Made my day.

It was a rare treat to spend Christmas morning with Grandma & Grandpa. They have been staying with us for the past couple weeks visiting from Alabama. I'm sure she'll appreciate that I've put this photo on my blog.

The family arrived around 2pm for our Christmas celebration.

We ate LOTS of food.

We Jammed out to Rock Band on the WII. The boys' favorite Christmas gift.

My niece did the singing.

My Grandma with her most recently born Great Grandchild.....My cousin's baby.

Dreamy was glued to his coveted DS.

The kids all decorated gingerbread men.

My charming mother told me I look like Oprah.

Go ahead. Take a moment to let that sink in.

My MOTHER! Told me I look like Oprah.

Hmmm....What could it be?

The eyes?

The nose?

The lips?

The hair?

Skin color?

The only resemblance I can see is viewed from the rear. THANKS mom! =)

Two days later we had another Christmas party with my Dad's side of the family. More food. More fun.

My Grandma's reaction to the heritage story book I gave her was priceless. She loved it!

Last night was our annual New Years party. Nothing makes me happier than bringing in the new year surrounded by our closest friends. 20 adults and 20 kids. Unfortunately, I only got a few photos because I kept forgetting to grab the camera.

And now I can breathe. The holidays are officially over. The New Year has officially begun.

I sincerely hope that every one of you had a blessed holiday season and will enjoy a happy and healthy 2009.

The Cookie Capers

2008-12-21T10:29:00.000-08:00

Once a year I make pizelle cookies. I make one batch of vanilla and one batch of chocolate. I don't make the Annis flavor any more because a lot of people don't care for the licorice flavor & then I end up eating them all.

So last week I sat on my cushy red chair with my coffee table and pizelle iron in front of me. My kids were in my face and prancing about waiting for a spoon or a bowl to lick. The dog was on the ottoman extending her little neck in an effort to nab herself a pizelle treat. Nothing signifies the beginning of the holiday rush like pulling out and dusting off the pizelle iron.

It was almost two weeks before Christmas. Christmas was far enough away that I wasn't in danger of eating every morsel before the holiday gatherings and close enough that the cookies wouldn't get stale.

Or so I told myself.

I woke up every morning with six stacks of pizelle cookies tormenting me from my kitchen counter top. I make my coffee every morning....and there they are. Coffee and pizelle cookies go very good together.

I'll just have two.

I return from the pantry closet after a failed attempt at finding a better breakfast alternative. And there they are. I'll just have these two more and that's it.

Every morning I wake and my stacks of pizelle cookies get shorter and shorter.

After dinner the stacks are on my kitchen counter tormenting the kids. "Mom, can we have just one for dessert?"

"Just one"

"Mom they're so small, just one more?"

"Just one more"

And every evening the stacks of pizelle cookies get shorter and shorter.

I brought a couple dozen to my Italian class last week to share in the last class party feast.

I returned home and the stack seemed to have shrunk even in my absence.

I had a couple friends over for a morning coffee on Thursday and put a couple dozen out to munch on with them.

My son brought a note home from his teacher stating that they were planning a cookie exchange at their class holiday party and each child was to bring in eight cookies. "Handmade cookies are preferred." Perfect. We have pizelle cookies.

There were only a dozen left.

Let me take a brief moment of silence to let that sink in.

Out of approximately 200-300 cookies that were made a mere seven days ago....we only have a dozen left.

A DOZEN!

So I counted out eight cookies put them carefully into a zip lock bag and told Hefty to put them on top of his backpack. Not IN his backpack as pizelle cookies are very fragile and delicate and will get smooshed very easily.

So he did.

He listened to me.

He put the zip lock bag on top of his backpack in his bedroom.

Getting ready to leave the house with the family yesterday afternoon...."Where's Rosie?" (the canine smurf).

She found the cookies.

She ate the cookies.

And now we only have four pizelle cookies left. One pathetic little stack of pizelle cookies remain on my counter.

So yesterday while at Costco I picked up a pack of cookies. (They were "handmade" by someone, right?). My son was instructed to inform his teacher that his dog (and his mother, and his father, and his brother, and his sister) ate his homework.

This morning? I caught Papa Smurf (AKA The Cookie Caper) with one of Hefty's homework cookies in his mouth.

"WHA? No-ody tole me" *said with a mouth full of cookie crumbs spraying from his mouth*

And now I have no more pizelle to share with my family and friends at our holiday parties and we are once again one cookie short for the cookie exchange.

Anyone want a pizelle iron. I'm DONE making "Christmas" cookies.

Funny, as in Ha-Ha?

2008-12-18T10:03:00.000-08:00

From his preschool teacher: "He's a delight in the class, but that belly laugh of his gets the whole class going and then it's like mass chaos and it becomes very difficult to teach. You should nip this in the bud now because you don't want him to become a class clown."

From his kindergarten teacher: "He's so much fun to have in my class."

From his 1st grade teacher......Well, let's just say she found absolutely NO humor in him whatsoever. He was just the thorn in her side.

From his 2nd grade teacher: "He brings laughter to our class every day.

From his 4th grade teacher: "He has such a funny personality."

From his 5th teacher: "So YOUR Mrs. Smurf. I couldn't wait to meet you to find out who the mother of this funny boy is. And this is Mrs. P....she wanted to meet you too."

From another of his 5th grade teachers: "I told Hefty that I was going to make a book and write down all his little hefty-isms. He's the funniest kid I've ever had in my class. The things that come from that kid's mouth are just so funny."

From his 6th grade teacher: "He's a lot of fun and a very smart boy but tends to get carried away and disruptive in class."

Phone call #1 from school: "He stuck a tack on a child's chair because he "thought the other kid had a great personality and would think it was funny"."

Phone call #2 from school: "He took a drink from a water fountain and was squirting water through his teeth at the other kids in the hallway because he thought they would think it was funny."

Phone call #3 from school (2 days ago): "He belted out in the middle of class "My mom farted and the whole building blew up."

Because he thought it would be funny.

The teacher went on to say something about him being way too chatty and disruptive but I lost all ability to listen after hearing that above statement.

Just what you want to hear from your child's teacher. No?

How, exactly, do you respond to that?

"Um, I'm sorry but I swear I never blew any buildings up with my farts....rooms have certainly been evacuated because of them but an actual blowing up of the room never occurred?" That just doesn't sound very mature and is probably not her concern.

"I'm so sorry for my son's behavior?" That just doesn't do my mortification justice.

"I will certainly take care of the problem when he returns home. Thank you so much for notifying me"? Sounds a little too somber. Maybe if I inserted a little snicker at the end it would be more fitting and appropriate for the situation?

Mor-ti-fied!

So, Hefty returned home. I scolded/grounded him. I made him write a note of apology to his teacher. And here is his note....Which, by the way, I failed to read before he took it to school the next day to have his teacher sign (so that I knew he actually gave it to her).

"Dear Mrs. A, I'm sorry for disrupting class. It is wrong to disrupt your Social Studies class. It is wrong to disrupt class because then no one gets much done and everyone goofs off. I will stop disrupting class because I don't want to disrupt your class or become the cause of such circumstances in the classroom because nothing good comes out of it except for getting to enjoy your work at the cost of everyone else's work not getting done and if no one gets work done then the point of class time is ruined. Also, it is hurtful to my mother to say such things because it puts out the wrong vibes about her and makes others think she is a bad parent. Sincerely, Hefty Smurf"

His teacher replied by saying "Thank you for your support. I look forward to a quieter work time for everyone!

I'm more mortified now then I was after receiving the phone call. Should I reply back to the teacher and maybe throw it out there, nonchalantly, that I really don't fart all that much anymore since I eliminated all dairy from my diet?

I should probably just let it go....

Pun intended.....

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

2008-12-15T12:18:00.000-08:00

This weekend marks a turning point for me. The big gasping deep breath after a month and a half of drowning in my to-do list.

All November & December birthdays are behind us. My Christmas shopping is completed. Grandma's heritage album (volume 1) is complete and has been uploaded and ordered. My Christmas cards are sent. Yearly well-checks for 2 out of 3 of my children are done. Santa has been visited. And we just returned from our last gymnastics meet of 2008. Tonight is the last Italian class of the session and because they've changed the day/time for the continuation class it looks as if this will be my last Italian class period. Which really stinks, but, whatever. And last, but not least, hubby has no further business travel planned for this year.

Taking a big deep reoxygenating breath.

And feeling good.

And finally beginning to enjoy the holiday season. It's hard not to when my daughter insists on listening to Christmas music every time we get into my van.

SO, Thursday was Smurfette's birthday. Several years ago I made the executive decision to alternate "friend parties" for my 3 kids. All 3 of my kids birthdays are within a month of Christmas and planning these parties every year for all of them so close to the holidays was just too much. I've discovered that they really don't miss it much. Instead of stressing out for weeks in advance over guest lists, goody bags, and entertainment I now make extra efforts to make their birthdays special in other ways. Last year was Smurfette's turn and we celebrated her 5th birthday with all her friends and "Tootsie the Clown." So Smurfette's birthday this year was low key.

I signed her out of school for lunch and took her out to eat. She talked the entire time about how her teacher gave her a crown, a birthday certificate, a birthday pencil, and a book and the whole class sang to her. She was just as excited to receive that one little birthday pencil and book as she was to receive 15 gifts from her friends at last year's party.

She received her free birthday treat at the restaurant and all the staff came out to sing to her. She was grinning from ear to ear at all the attention.

After dropping the boys off at gymnastics I then took Smurfette to Toys R Us so she could get her balloon and crown and over head announcement. Having all the store customers randomly wish her a happy birthday made her feel special. I forgot my camera in the car. We exited the store and saw this....taken from inside my car so please excuse the window reflections. But she just thought this was beautiful. "Mama, I've never seen the sky so pretty before."

We then headed to her hip hop dance class where it was parent viewing night. I rarely get to watch her class as they keep the door shut and parents aren't allowed to view. So this was a special treat. She's such a ham and loves shake'n her booty.

After the extracurricular shuffle we returned home where daddy was waiting for us so she could open her birthday presents.

She was so excited to receive her very first American Girl doll. "Mama, thank you so much for getting me an American Girl doll. I wanted one forever."

Friday night we celebrated her birthday with the immediate family at TGIFridays where they again sang to her and tied her all up with balloons. She loved being the center of attention.

Saturday we left first thing in the morning to visit Santa. Not just any Santa, but THE Santa! I convinced my boys into going but found out that the first available appointment was at 3:30pm. So I had to leave to take the boys out to gymnastics and then return with my niece and nephew later that day. I don't have the Santa photos yet but will post them soon.

And Sunday was the boys' second gymnastics meet of the season. They both kicked butt.

Dreamy once again took 1st place all around and Hefty once again took 2nd.

And I am once again sharing one video clip of each boy on a different event.

Hefty on high bar:

And Dreamy on rings:

And the lucky? winner is.....

2008-12-13T09:21:00.000-08:00

Well, it seems my little Hot Blogger Calendar giveaway was a bust. Since there was only one participant a random drawing is unnecessary. =)

The lucky? winner is.....Kori! I'm off to go order your calendar now! I haven't received mine yet but when we both get it we'll have to compare notes.....ogle and tell so to speak.....

My baby's SIX!

2008-12-11T04:12:00.000-08:00

We waited a little less than 4 long years to have our 3rd child. I was basically waiting until I was OK with the fact that our 3rd child would more than likely be another boy. It took me 4 years to come to terms with that and decide that I just wanted a 3rd child. It didn't matter what the sex was. Or so I told myself over and over again. The truth is, deep down, I did care. I knew this would be our last child. I wanted a girl.

Don't misunderstand this as me being disappointed in the gender of my first two children. I was thrilled that my boys came first and were so close in age. But now I wanted a girl.

I wanted a girl so desperately that I went to the library and took out the book, How To Choose the Sex of Your Baby. I needed to know that if our 3rd and final child turned out to be another boy that I had done everything in my power to have that girl. Even to the tune of a hokey book's suggestions. That book became my bible. I took notes.

After 3 months of failed pregnancy tests Papa Smurf had to take a two week business trip (which took place right in the middle of my cycle) so we decided (without much choice) to take the 4th month off from trying. I must have ovulated really early or really late that month because that's the month I got pregnant. We did everything wrong. Everything the book said NOT to do to conceive a girl. I was actually disappointed when I found out I was pregnant because I just knew I had ruined my last chance to conceive a daughter.

I cried many happy tears at my ultrasound when I found out I was wrong. We were having a girl.

Our little beautiful Smurfette entered our world 6 years ago today.

We were on cloud nine for the first two weeks. She was a perfect baby. I remember telling family and friend visitors how content & happy she was. So quiet. Slept like a champ.

And then two weeks into her life we woke up to this ....

And it didn't stop for SIX. LONG. MONTHS. The worst 6 months of my life.

What have we done?

Please remind me again why I had to have a 3rd child so bad.

I begged her doctor over and over again for tests....Or drugs....if not for her then for me...

At 6 months of age a different doctor finally listened to me. I think it was the melt down I had in the office. I'm sure he thought I was suicidal. I came completely unglued right there in front of him. He gave her medicine.

And she smiled.

And I smiled.

And she slept through the night for the first time.

And I slept through the night for the first time.

And my precious little girl was born.

Smurfette 6 mos old

The following picture is Smurfette at every month up to a year. Yes, we did capture the occasional smile on film before that turning point but they were NOT easily won.

And she has been lighting up our house with her gorgeous smile ever since that glorious day.

She adds a calm and dainty sweetness to the overabundance of testosterone in our home.

She brings innocence and laughter....

And I get to buy girly clothes. And take her to ballet class. And put ribbons and bows in her hair.

This little girl came into our lives and completed our family.

My little baby girl is growing up fast. I wish I could stop time and bottle these days up.

"How many more sleeps till my birthday, Mama?"

I've heard that question every day for the last month.

It's finally here baby....you're SIX!

Happy birthday!

Hot Blogger Calendar Giveaway! And an award!

2008-12-09T04:59:00.000-08:00

So, last night I promised myself I'd get my Christmas cards done after the kids went to bed. But I returned home to find out some exciting news and I just HAD to tell ya'll about it. So the blank envelopes remain on my counter taunting me.

It happened again.

I won.

Again.

TWICE.

You know, it's really kinda eery how I'm always winning things. You all can think I'm a freak...I'm OK with that....but I'm convinced that I have a special guardian angel that sees to it that I win everything. You think I'm just trying to be funny here but I'm really not. I really do believe that. Cause it's just not natural for a person to win things as often as I do.

And this time? I won me 12 ~~handsome~~ HOT men. These men will be in my kitchen starting January 1st and will be with me 24/7 for the 365 days that follow. An entire year of 12 HOT men. Unfortunately, these men won't be cleaning or cooking in my kitchen. I know, right? They'll just be providing me with some yummy eye candy looking all HOT on my refrigerator keeping me company as I gaze into their "dreamy" eyes while laboring with a sweaty brow over my stove.

HA!....oh come on now....that was funny, admit it......that even made me laugh. Me?!?....cooking?!?....MWAHAHAHA!

I digress....

Eat your heart out mommy bloggers...I won me my very own Hot Blogger Calendar (2009).

Oh yes I did.

I won this from none other than Backpacking Dad himself....AKA Mr. September. And since I'm all about "paying it forward" I'm gonna purchase another calendar through the button on his blog to be shipped directly to one lucky reader for my very own Hot Blogger Calendar giveaway. You know you want one.

AND, Backpacking Dad is donating his proceeds from this calendar (ordered through that button on his blog) to families staying at the Ronald McDonald house at Stanford Hospital.

So, lets see, to enter this HOT giveaway contest you simply have to leave me a comment telling me how you plan to (or already have) "paid it forward." Have you changed someone's life for the better? Tell me about it. Contest closes at midnight on Friday....A winner will be randomly picked and announced on Saturday.

Thanks again Backpacking Dad!

But that's not all...

I've also been given this fine award below....

Kristin over at Jilli Java Garden of Eden gave me this award.....

"because I never have bloggingly met an individual who can be as self deprecating as this gal and she will blog about the good and the bad with no question. She's an equal opportunity blogger."

That's so sweet. Who knew that my self deprecation would win me an award? Thank you Kristin for making my day!

And now, per award rules, I'm suppose to share 10 honest things about myself. But...because I'm so fricking honest....I'm running out of things to tell you. My blog is pretty much an open book of me and my life and I've already shared just about everything I can possibly share about myself. I'll try to be original here but I'm sure these are things many of you already know about me.

1. I love to read but haven't read a book since that REALLY good smut novel during our trip with our friends back in August. I have purchased no less than 10 books since then. And still haven't gotten to them.

2. I absolutely canNOT stand to be near a person eating an apple. Makes me want to scream. Or gouge out there eyeballs.

3. When I was in 8th grade I use to sit next to a girl in English class that chomped on her wad of gum like a frick'n cow. We came close to getting into many a fist fights over it.

4. I enjoy talking on the phone with friends. I'm much more productive during the day if I have the phone glued to my ear. I try to have a contest with myself while I'm on the phone....How many household chores can I complete during this phone conversation?

5. I hate to cook. But then, you already knew that didn't you? That's not to say I'm not good at it when I DO cook. But I still hate it.

6. When I decorated my house for Christmas recently I realized I had a Christmas decoration right in my kitchen that was never put away from last Christmas...it just sorta blended right in. And the bathroom in my basement? still had the wreath on the wall and the Silver Christmas trees on the counter since last year. I'm all about efficiency. Why put it away when you'll just have to pull it back out in 11 months?

7. I love the color red. I love decorating for Christmas. And I love for my house to be color coordinated. So one of the biggest reasons I bought red couches for my great room is so that my Christmas decorations would match. I'm SO not kidding.

8. I've had electrolysis treatments done on my eyebrows, and laser zaps on my dego stache, and bikini area. I'm a hairy dego. May go back in the future for my legs and arm pits if I can ever get over the trauma from the pain of the first treatments.

9. I. Want. A. Tummy. Tuck. And when I do get that tummy tuck...and I WILL get it one day...I'm so darn honest that I'll be sharing before and after photos with ya'll....

10. I have a bald spot the size of a nickle on the crown of my head (slightly to the left) that has been there since I was born. And EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I got my haircut growing up....the hairdresser would say "you know you have a bald spot on your head...you should have that checked out." My dear friend Kelly now cuts my hair and up until about a year ago she also would say those exact words to me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. she cut my hair. Until I pointed out to her that she had probably said that to me no less than 20 times previously. She hasn't said it since. =) Luv ya Kel!!

So I pass this award on to the following..

Life As I Live It cuz she's moving into a brand new house in a couple weeks and could use the new bling as a house warming gift. =)

Got Kids, Need Valium cuz she's a fellow shopping enthusiast and us shopping enthusiasts like a little bling. And she's got kids and she needs valium....(her words not mine...she's a very delightful woman)

Grace Comes By Hearing cuz she and her husband have just (as in less than 48 hours ago) become the proud parents to a beautiful little boy as their adopted son, Samuel, was just born. Congrats Tracey!

See Kori Rant cuz I have a soft spot for a gal that tells it like it is. And I just have a soft spot for this chic in general. Life has dealt her some pretty low blows but she always comes out pointing at the shiny spot on a rusty old dilapidated Lincoln.

Common Mom I can relate to her...and her "common-ness". I like her humor. She makes me laugh. Except, of course, when she starts talking about loving snow and winter and sh*t. =)

Mommy Always Wins cuz she's one of the very first blogs I started following way back when and she's a full time working mom who's totally got her sh*t together and can laugh at herself when she doesn't.

Spoiled Mommy cuz I've just recently "met" her and I like her.

Here are the rules for the recipients:

♥ list 10 honest things about yourself

pass the award onto 7 blogs that you find brilliant in their content or design

♥ link to the blogger who gave you this prize

♥ link to the blogs receiving the prize

♥ notify the recipients

Fly'n Solo

2008-12-08T10:11:00.000-08:00

I'm still alive.

But I'm flying solo. I'm the pilot of a 6 passenger air craft (doggies are allowed on this flight) and my co-pilot is missing in action. He was out of town Sunday through Thursday last week. Then worked Fri, Sat (which was his 37th birthday by the way), AND Sunday and will now be out of town again Monday through Thursday. So, I'm flying solo. This little puddle hopper of a plane flies on autopilot but I'm in imminent danger of falling asleep at the wheel. I think it'll all be OK....cuz the plane is on autopilot after all. But, what if when I fall asleep my head bounces off the little red "do not touch" button and the plane suddenly sputters and coughs and dives nose first leaving a nasty little blemish on the Earth's surface.

I was not cut out for ~~single parenthood~~ solo piloting. I need a partner. I need a co-pilot to keep me in check. To talk to me so I don't fall asleep at the wheel and accidentally push that forbidden little red button.

When the co-pilot is in his seat we can take breaks to relieve each other. But when you're on your own you can't very well step away from the cock-pit to go to the bathroom....or, you know, blog....cuz who would man the control panel and fly the plane?

Some outsiders may read this and say "dude, wake up, your co-pilot is shacking up with a stewardess or working for a different airline entirely." But no. Not so. This airline has more perks than those others. Oh, sure, those other airlines may offer better food meal choices....you're lucky to get a bag of stale peanuts here....but the health benefits given for loyalty are much more enticing here at Smurfland Airlines. Just say'n....

So, I'm here. I'm alive. All is well in Smurfland. But I've been a little preoccupied with telling the Airline Control powers that be to kiss my a** cuz I could use a break....to tinkle....or blog....or something....

I'm SO behind in keeping up with everyone's blogs....among other things. Sorry bout that. But I will be back as soon as my co-pilot returns.

Smurfland Lowdown

2008-11-29T16:35:00.000-08:00

THURSDAY: We had a fantastic Thanksgiving. Kids were finally feeling better. Fevers were gone. I was feeling particularly nostalgic and grateful this year. We are blessed. I'm so grateful for the health of my children. One of my husband's employees has a 3 year old daughter recently diagnosed with leukemia and she is struggling through the worst of her treatment right now. How did we get so lucky?

I'm enormously grateful that my husband has a relatively stable job (vigorously knocking on wood as that could no doubt change at any given moment). People all around us are losing jobs right and left. We are watching friends, neighbors, and family hanging on to their jobs and homes by a thread. There are no less than a dozen (possibly 2 dozen) homes in foreclosure in my subdivision alone. I believe the morale in MI is probably twice as grim as that in the rest of the US. How did we get so lucky?

I'm incredibly grateful for all my family and friends and their love and support. So many people have so few to turn to. How did we get so lucky?

I feel like I could be tempting fate by asking this...so I'll shut up now.

Our Thanksgiving was spent at my Aunt and Uncle's home with the rest of my family....

This was only half of the food....the rest was put out shortly after I took this photo...

yummmm........

salute.....

After dinner my cousin was showing one of the kids how to make an origami bird out of a dollar bill. And the kids all thought that was the coolest and they all had to have one. Before long my cousin, my mom, and my Aunt had an origami procession going. Until we ran out of dollar bills.

If you pull his tail his wings flap. You wish your family had this kind of talent! =)

Guess what happens when the wife takes the keys from the drunk husband and leaves drunk husband in the passenger seat in charge of holding the pumpkin pie......

FRIDAY: I woke up feel'n a little yucky. I went to the store. Ran a few errands. Came home to my gorgeous DD's excitement. "Mama...guess what.....(she smiles)"

She was so excited to tell me that while eating a cup cake her tooth fell out. In my mind I was thinking "the tooth fairy must write herself a note to remind her to stop here tonight." I don't know what's going on with the tooth fairy these days but I'm thinking she needs to be replaced. She can't seem to keep her stops straight and is constantly skipping right on over us. Leaving me to console my heart broken children. Is our home that difficult to see? Perhaps we should place a strobe light on our front lawn? I was silently pleading with the tooth fairy to please don't forget us tonight. Pretty please.

I made this tooth fairy pillow (pictured below) before I even had a daughter. I made one for my son (decorated as a boy in a cap)....and then made a girly one with the hope that I might one day have a daughter. I've waited 10 long years to pull this out. Isn't it cute?

The back of the pillow has a heart shaped pocket (to place the tooth in) and says on the front "Dear Toothfairy, Here is my tooth as you can see, you may have it for a small fee".

My daughter carefully tucked her tooth in the pocket before we tucked her in for the night. I silently pleaded with my husband to not let me forget. She got out of bed every 10 minutes to ask a question "Mama, do you think the toothfairy will see it? What if she can't see it? Maybe I should put it under my pillow instead? How will the toothfairy know I lost my tooth? Should I write her a note?" "No, honey, the toothfairy will see it. She sees everything. She's magic. She'll find it. Go to bed"

The toothfairy went to bed with a 102 degree fever that night. The toothfairy forgot again. The toothfairy sucks donkey balls.

My daughter woke up devastated. Fighting back the tears...."mama the toothfairy didn't come last night. She must not have seen my tooth."

My heart broke for her. Damned that toothfairy.

"I'm sorry honey, the tooth fairy must have had a busy night with lots of teeth to pick up. Why don't you write her a note and draw a picture with an arrow and we'll show her where your tooth is."

I took a shower and decided to run to the bank to pick up some of the "special gold coins" that tooth fairy always leaves when she forgets. Yes. This happens that often. I get out of the shower and daughter comes running from her bedroom all excited...."MAMA! The toothfairy DID come! I must not have seen it in there when I checked the first time. I must have put my hand in the pocket like this....instead of like this"

So it seems the toothfairy realized her error and came to our home post haste when I got in the shower.

Saturday: When I posted my to-do list last week I purposely left something off the list for fear of my mother reading it. I know she occasionally reads my blog. My step dad decided (somewhat spur of the moment) to throw her a surprise party. My mom has accepted a retirement package after 30 years with Chrysler and her official last day is Nov. 30th.....which also happens to be her 60th birthday. So, with only 2 weeks to do this we pulled it off. I was in charge of the cake and invitations. Grandma was in charge of the party favors. And my step dad was in charge of the hall and a corsage. Divide and concur.

The party was this afternoon and it went fabulously.

This gorgeous woman on the left is my mother. She's a saint. A hard working, dedicated, giving, loving, and caring saint. She is my hero and my best friend.

Happy Birthday Mom!

She had no idea it was coming. We told her we (my husband and I) wanted to take her out to dinner for her birthday. Because it was just us and not at any fancy restaurant she went for comfort and warmth as she chose her outfit. No make up. No hairspray. My step dad said "you're wearing that" as she was getting ready. "Well yeah, it's just mama and papa smurf, we're not going anywhere fancy." OOPS! Here she is trying to fix her hair as she walked in the door.

And here is a photo of my DD and her Great Grandma. I just love this photo.

And here's another photo that I love.....

That's a photo of me with my mom when I was 2 years old. Isn't my mom gorgeous?

And now, we're suppose to be at another surprise party for my cousin's 40th birthday. But, when we returned from party #1 the Motrin began to wear off and the fever returned. So we've bailed out of party #2.

And now I must sleep.

Nighty night.

Random Updates

2008-11-25T18:28:00.000-08:00

It's been a crazy week. I don't have the energy to blog these days and I suspect blog posts will be sporadic until after the holidays. So here's a general over view.

Last Wednesday was Hefty's birthday so in keeping with our tradition I picked him up from school to take him out to lunch. We enjoyed our Big Boy meal complete with free birthday surprise and serenade. It was a rare one on one opportunity for me and I thoroughly enjoyed his company and conversation.

And then late that night (after we returned from gymnastics) we let him open his presents....you know...the gift that takes me out of the running for the Parent of the Year Award....the pellet gun.

The birthday celebration continued on Friday night with the rest of my family at Buca Di Beppos for dinner. We ate with the Pope in the Pope's room.

Saturday I joined my friends for a full 15 hour scrapbooking event. 9am - 12 midnight. That's a full 15 hours with no children. A full 15 hours with no housework. A full 15 hours to do absolutely anything I wanted. I've been paper scrapbooking for the past 12 years since Hefty was born and LOVE it. But I have recently discovered digital scrapbooking and LOVE it even more. As I mentioned in a previous post I've been working hard at completing a heritage album for my Grandma for Christmas and so I spent the entire 15 hours working on that. Still not done but I made a small dent.

Here's my laptop with a couple of the pages I completed.

Sunday we had an appointment to see a photographer for our annual Christmas family photo. Why does this always have to be so painful? Seriously. I dread it every year because no sooner do I say "We are going for family ph...." and my kids all start the "whocancomplainthemost competition." I declared it a tie.

I've sunk to a whole new level of bad parenting.

2008-11-20T05:07:00.000-08:00

When my now 12 y/o son was just two years old we went up north to my parent's cabin with my parents for a little fresh air outdoorsy family vacation.

This is a hunting cabin situated on 80 acres of land. I'm a city girl but enjoy the relaxing outdoor atmosphere of a little cabin vacation of (very) short lengths every now and then. A four day weekend is about all I can take.

It's a hunting cabin. Not a vacation home.

You won't find photo collages on the walls. You'll find deer heads and antlers mounted in their place.

You won't find tall standing indoor plants ornamenting the corners of the living room. You'll find a tall mounted stuffed black bear instead.

The wall hooks in the entry way are cluttered with hunting gear paraphernalia.

When you're walking to the bathroom in the dark in the middle of the night?....don't trip over the stuffed turkey in the corner of the bedroom.

Instead of counting sheep to help yourself fall asleep, you can count the number of bats you hear fluttering inside the walls.

My step dad is a hunter. He hunts. Often.

He hunts for deer, bear, turkey, duck. Anything.

It's a hunting cabin.

There are guns.

Those guns are always kept behind lock and key.

Except....

For this one time when we went up there for vacation when Hefty was just 2 years old.

Hefty came from my step dad's bedroom with a pistol dangling between the fingers of his precious little 2 year old hand...."mama, what's this?"

There are no words in the English language to accurately describe the 30 seconds that followed. The panic, the terror, the guilt, the rage that followed will be in the back of my mind to recall at any given moment for the rest of my life. My son's life flashed before my eyes in that split second. And hearing "the safety is on" somehow did not make me feel any better.

So as my son grew older and the second son came along that terror turned me into the gun Nazi. There will be no guns in my home.....real or otherwise. There will be no squirt guns. There will be no weapons. There will be no pretend shooting. And the word "kill" is strictly forbidden as a "bad word" even in play acting.

Yes, I was one of THOSE moms.

But as my boys got older and the testosterone spillith over I began to see that my efforts in gun control were failing. I'd walk to the kitchen to find my 3 and 5 year old biting their peanut butter sandwiches into the shape of guns and playing cops and robbers at the kitchen table with their peanut butter pistols. I'd walk into the bathroom and find my hairbrush being used by son #1 as a pretend rifle with son #2 spread eagle against the wall in surrender.

What's a mom to do, I mean, other than pray to the Gods that her next child be a girl?

There's just no delicate way of saying this. So I'll skip right to the chase. I'll jump right to the punch line of this story and get it all out in the open so as to not delay the inevitable backlash of bloggy parental cattiness that is sure to follow. And the emails. I'm anticipating a flow of hate mail to the tune of "what the hell were you thinking," "OMG you suck as a parent," or....my personal favorite ......"well, I NEver.....(said with disdainful eye roll)"

I bought my son a pellet gun for his birthday.

And this is no ordinary pellet gun.

It's an automatic sniper rifle pellet gun.

There.

I've said it.

I'm afraid I've sunk to a whole new level of bad parenting.

So, please tell me...indulge me if you will....in your own bad parenting moments. Is there anything you said you'd never allow your kids to do that you now find yourself allowing. Cuz I could really use a self esteem pick-me-up right about now....

Or, if your not a mom, but hope to be in the near future....please tell me the one thing that you simply WILL NOT ALLOW in your home.

You know, So I can laugh at you...

Kidding.

Kinda.

How did it happen?

2008-11-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

My oldest child turns 12 today and I have no idea how it happened. I mean...I know HOW it happened but where did years 1 - 11 go?

It's 1:30 AM 3 days before my due date and I wake to make my second trip to the bathroom. I pee, I wipe, I walk 10 feet and.....uh oh....what was that? GUSH! Well hot damn and hallelujah this baby is coming out TODAY! I rush back to the toilet because with every step I take I gush a little bit more.

Me: PAPA SMURF!

PS: Woken from a deep sleep grumbles "mmwhat"

Me: IT'S TIME! MY WATER JUST BROKE!

PS: Really?

Me: I sit on the toilet and wait patiently for a towel as hubby dresses himself. My heart is racing. I'm giddy with excitement. Holy shit I'm gonna be a mama today!

5 minutes pass....

10 minutes pass...and my rump is now numb....

WTF

Me: PAPA SMURF!

PS: What?

Me: WTF are you doing!!??

PS: Sleeping!!!

Me: Get your butt out of bed we have a baby coming!

A recap of my pregnancy:

What I expected: A first trimester with mild morning sickness. A second trimester full of energy and a third trimester of mild discomfort and much anticipation. And, of course, the average 35 pound weight gain. I'd look cute with my mommy bump. I read 3 pregnancy books and my parenting bible (highlighted and tagged with post it notes) all within the first month of pregnancy.

Reality: I slept through my entire first trimester and experienced no morning sickness. I could transition from a deliriously happy laugh to an ugly cry faster than you can say "holy shit it's Sybil." And, more often than not, that ugly cry was a result of a quick flash glance in the bathroom mirror and an "I'm so ugly" epiphany melt down. I was anything BUT cute. I gained a total of 75 pounds. I gained no weight my first 3 months which means I gained 75 pounds in 6 months which equals an average of 12.5 pounds per month = more than 3 pounds each week. I did not enjoy being pregnant. I was miserable. I'm a stomach sleeper. I learned that pregnancy and water beds are NOT compatible.

A recap of the birth:

What I expected: An uneventful if not long and painful labor filled with pacing the floors and intermittent massages from my husband followed by an epidural followed by a blissfully happy and healthy birth and immediate mommy/baby bonding.

Reality: My water broke and I never went into labor. At 7am nothing was happening so pitocin was started. Three hours later baby's heart rate was dropping and I still wasn't dilating. Two hours later I have an epidural attached to my back, 3 different wires draped from my hoo-ha (one is stuck to baby's head to monitor baby's heart rate, one is replenishing the fluids in my uterus to cushion baby, and one is supplying antibiotics because my water has been broken for too long), a big black elastic band is strapped around my waste to monitor contractions, an IV is strapped to my left arm, an oximeter is attached to my right index finger, an oxygen hose is strapped to my face and I'm beginning to resemble something of a science experiment. After three ultrasounds it is determined by three different doctors that baby is approximately "7 - 8 pounds." Fifteen hours later I'm still restricted to laying on my left side, I'm "not even fingertip dilated", baby is still "floating", and baby's heart rate is dropping dangerously low after every contraction.

Enter C-Section.

Here's were it gets fun.

17 hours after my water broke I'm strapped to an operating table and can still feel and move my legs. Doctor starts to operate and I completely wig out on the table and start kicking my legs to prove to surgeon that "dude, I'm TOTALLY NOT NUMB!" To say that I freaked out is a bit of an understatement. Lets just leave it at that.

Enter general anesthesia....and TEN POUND ONE OUNCE BABY!!! (7-8 pounds my ass!)

The bonding moment:

What I expected: I would hold baby immediately after his birth we would look into each others eyes and fall instantly in love. I would hold him to my breast and give my baby nourishment while gazing at him lovingly.

Reality: Eight hours after his birth I wake up all alone in my room after sleeping off the anesthesia and am finally allowed to see and hold my baby....apparently they told hubby to go home because "I'd just be sleeping all night anyway." Grrrrrrr. Baby wants nothing to do with breast feeding and I have 2 nurses and a lactation consultant surrounding me and pawing at my boobs and prying baby's mouth open like vultures. And an hour later I have a syringe full of formula strapped to my shoulder, that syringe is connected to a tiny little catheter, and that catheter is draped over my boob and taped to my nipple so that baby can "learn" to breastfeed. It was humiliating. It was unnatural.

The first day:

What I expected: Motherhood would come naturally. I would instinctively know what to do and how to care for him.

Reality: 12 hours into the first day with baby and baby's diaper hadn't been changed. Dude, where are those nurses and why haven't they changed his diaper yet? Oh, you mean I have to change it?? Well, shit, nobody told me that! First day of life and baby already has a diaper rash. I really suck at this.

First three weeks:

What I expected: We would come home and baby would instinctively sleep all night and be on an every two to four hour eating schedule. And we would all live happily ever after. What? That's what happens in the movies! I watched a lot of movies back then.

Reality: Baby still wanted nothing to do with breast feeding. I was pumping every two hours and feeding him breast milk from a bottle every two hours. I was at all times either pumping or feeding or pumping or feeding. My nipples were cracked and bloody and hurt worse than giving birth. Baby would cry from 5pm till 11pm then sleep until 1am and then cry again until 5am. I sit Indian style in the middle of my bed crying along with baby at 3am wondering when the motherly instincts would kick in....cuz dude...I really suck at this. One month later I gave up on the breast milk pumping and started feeding him formula and the gates to heaven opened up and the angels began singing.

I was absolutely head over heals in love with this child of mine but couldn't figure out how to enjoy and embrace motherhood until well into his 2nd month when I finally released my expectations and let him guide my way. It took me 6 weeks to figure out that being unable to breast feed this child did not make me a bad mother. It took me 6 weeks to figure out that having a baby that cries all night long does not make me a bad mother. It took me 6 weeks to figure out that motherhood is a learn as you go occupation. Books can give you direction and guidance but they are not the end all be all bible for parenthood because no 2 babies are the same.

It was not easy. It did not come naturally. And it was not at all as I expected it to be. The transition from DINK to parenthood was a shock for both my husband and I.

This 12 year old son of mine taught me how to be a mother. He taught me how to nurture. He taught me how to love.

I fall more and more in love with this child every day of his life. He makes us laugh. His humor, his laughter, his confidence, his self motivation, his love, and his fun loving nature are just a few of the many gifts that he brings to this family of ours. He is such a very good person and makes me so incredibly proud to be his mom. He makes me feel like maybe I don't suck so much at this mommy thing after all.

I love you Hefty. Happy birthday.

Every month to his 1st birthday

22 months old in Palm Springs

2nd birthday

7 Years Old

9 years old

This past summer

Our gymnastics season has begun!

2008-11-17T00:21:00.000-08:00

What kind of mommy blogger would I be if I didn't take a moment or two....or three...to brag on my kids and their talents.

Sunday marked the official start to our looooooong gymnastics season. This was a very small meet in Ohio. More of a practice meet than an official meet. It was that small. But my boys kicked it off with a fantastic finish.

Dreamy came in 1st place in the All Around for level 6 and Hefty came in 2nd place for the level 7s.

I've decided to post each of their best routines. There's 6 routines in all so I just can't see trying to post all 12 routines. And, of course, celebrate the fact that I think I've figured out this video posting. So I'm participating in Leslie's Video Me Monday.

Isn't her button cute! It's so darn cheery!

This is Hefty on Floor. He received a score of 15.4.

And this is Dreamy on mushroom/pommel. He received a score of 15.2.

The difference between boys and girls.

2008-11-15T16:00:00.000-08:00

On a school night....

11 y/o boy- Mom can I PLEASE stay up a little longer. Please. I just want to see the end. Can I finish this game? Why? Why not? OMG. Rolls eyes. Stomps feet. Can I at least say good night to Rosie. Gosh. The sky is NOT blue. It's periwinkle.

Me - It's time for bed. Keep your hands to yourself. Stop wrestling before someone gets hurt. Did you brush your teeth? Go brush you teeth. Go brush your teeth. Stop stalling. Go brush your TEEEEEEEETH! Quit arguing. 30 minutes after he's in bed I open his bedroom door to discover he has wedged a pillow case under the door so I won't see his light on in the room because he is in bed playing his gameboy instead of sleeping. GO TO SLEEEEEP! I love you.

9 y/o boy- While he's suppose to be brushing his teeth he screams in pain after hitting his back on the bathroom faucet while trying to get a good look at his wedgie in the mirror by standing on the counter. (I couldn't make this up if I tried). Oh wait mom I forgot to do my homework. Can I get a snack? Where's my backpack? I'm hungry. Where's my homework? I think I left it at school.

Me - Quit waiting until I say it's time for bed to decide you need a snack. Go brush your teeth. Keep your hands to yourself. Quit wrestling before someone gets hurt. Quit screaming. QUIT SCREEEEEEAMING! Go brush your teeth. Quit making goofy faces in the mirror and BRUSH! Quit stalling. I love you.

5 y/o girl- Picks clothes out for school the next day. Lines up her shoes next to said outfit and stuffs clean matching socks in them. Brushes her teeth. Are my teeth shiny mama? She comes from her room 20 minutes later....come in my room mama I have a surprise for you. I enter her room to discover she has lined up her shoes neatly on the floor of her closet. I'm tired. Who's turn is it to tuck me in tonight?

Me - You're such a good girl. I love you. Good night.

Before school -

11 y/o boy- (10 minutes after waking) I can't find anything that matches. I don't have any clean jeans. I think I left my back pack in the van. I can't get my contact in. Can you put my contact in? I don't need a coat. I don't want a coat. It's NOT cold. It's chilly. He's out the door and 30 seconds later returns to tell me he forgot he needs 50 cents for bagel day.

Me - The laundry is all washed. Where are all your jeans? You have no clean jeans because they're all shoved on the floor in the corner of your closet. Hurry up. Quit goofing around and brush your teeth. Please be quiet your sister is still sleeping. Hurry up. Be quiet. Quit goofing around. Where's your coat. You're going to miss the bus. Quit arguing. I love you. I walk to the kitchen after he leaves and find his back pack on the kitchen table. He has already gotten on the bus.

9 y/o boy- (15 minutes after waking) I have no clean gym pants. Where are all my gym pants? Can you find me something to wear? I can't find matching socks. Where's my shoes? Did you put my back pack somewhere? Takes 20 minutes to brush his teeth and put his contacts in because he's wasting all his time making goofy faces at himself in the bathroom mirror.

Me - All the laundry is washed. Where are all your gym pants? 9 y/o goes to his gym bag and proceeds to pull out 6 pairs of filthy, stinky, chalky gym pants. That's why you have no pants to wear. Hurry up Dreamy it shouldn't take 30 minutes to eat a bowl of cereal. Hurry up. Quiet down. Quit goofing around. Go brush your teeth. The bathroom is THAT way....turn around....walk to the bathroom...and BRUSH YOUR TEETH! Quiet down your sister is still sleeping. Your going to miss the bus. Quit goofing around. I love you.

5 y/o girl- Comes from bedroom 5 minutes after waking her up. She is dressed. She has her shoes on. She walks to the pantry and picks out her breakfast. She eats her breakfast in 5 minutes flat all the while chatting pleasantly about the day to come. She walks unprompted to the bathroom and brushes her teeth. She comes out 5 minutes later. Are my teeth shiny mama? She walks back to the bathroom unprompted and brushes her hair. She returns 5 minutes later with a "pretty" for her hair. Does this headband match mama? She goes to the toy basket unprompted and pulls out a toy. I will bring this for show and tell today mama. I know today is show and tell because we had art yesterday and show & tell is always the next day. She walks to her backpack. She puts her toy in her backpack. She pulls her lunch box from her backpack. She walks to the kitchen unprompted and begins filling her lunchbox with a smuckers peanut butter and jelly sandwich from the freezer, a fruit cup, and one piece of candy. She walks back to the pantry and gets a chocolate milk. My lunch is made mama. Did you sign my paper mama? Lets go mama. I don't want to be late mama. Is it time to go yet mama? PLEASE mama let's go. We can't be late.

Me - You're such a good girl. I love you. Have a good day at school.

After school....

11 y/o boy- Can I please wait to do my homework? It's not due till....? I got detention for not getting this paper signed. Can I please call....? I'll do my homework later. It is NOT raining. It is drizzling.

Me - Please do your homework. Where is the paper I need to sign? Quit arguing. I love you.

9 y/o boy- I couldn't find the homework I did last night so I got detention. I forgot my book at school. Takes 3 hours to do a homework assignment that should have only taken him 15 minutes because he's been hard at work picking the dirt from under his fingernails.

Me - Do NOT forget your book tomorrow. Please find the homework you did last night. And PLEASE stop picking your fingernails and finish your homework. No more goofing around. I love you.

5 y/o girl - I have homework mama. She sets it on the table. She finds a pencil. She finds a pair of Scissors. She finds a glue stick and completes her homework. She places her homework (unprompted) into her backpack.

I love them all.

Of course.

But I don't care what anyone says....

girls....

are....

easier...

and SO much more organized!