Tuesday, November 27, 2007

My daughter already has 2 prospective husbands!

I just got an email from my friend T....she sent it to both me and our other friend, K...... I'll share the email but first have to preface the email with.....T, K, & I were all pregnant at the same time...we all gave birth within 2 months of each other....they had boys and I had the girl.....the boys each are 1 and 2 months older than Smurfette....Smurfette will be 5 in a couple weeks. R and K's son, J, has a reputation of being .....hmmmmm....the mischievous & precarious one? They keep us entertained at each gathering with their latest "J Story". All 3 of our families...and 2 other families.....went on a week long trip up to Higgins Lake back in August. During this trip J and Smurfette were inseparable....this is a love affair that started about a year ago....they've been caught in bed under the covers together....my daughter has been caught hand feeding him....J rubs her arms.....it's pretty comical and has been a joke for a while now.....but on this particular trip Smurfette and J came out of the bedroom smiling and giggling and Smurfette says..."mom, J just kissed me".....we all had a good laugh.....J's dad, R, then pulls him aside and we all hear J yell out with his hands thrown up in the air...."DAD.....I SWEAR THAT'S ALL I DID"! It was one of the highlights of the week! That is not something I thought I'd ever hear coming out of a 4 yr/old's mouth! It was just the funniest thing!

So anyway back to T's email.....here it is.....p.s. L is the 5 year old and Tay is his older sister......

"I was eavesdropping on Tay and L the other day and heard them talking about Smurfette!

L says "She is so so pretty- I think I just want to marry her"-

Tay " Ahhh, you love Smurfette"

L- "please Tay don't say anything! Please- doesn't matter J already loves her and they even kissed!"

Oh my god - this is a conversation between what a five and seven year old!! Holy Shit.
And watch out J - you might have some competition!!"

I told both K and T that Smurfette's hand goes to the highest bidder......I'm still LMAO over this!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Happy Birthday Hefty Smurf!

I can't believe I have an 11 year old! I'm too young to have an 11 year old! We celebrated Hefty's birthday on Saturday with the family.

And can I just say...I love my family but I'm convinced they suffer from Tourettes Syndrome. Instead of blurting out obscenities or having facial tics, however, my family uncontrollably and inexplicably blurts out bowel patterns, bowel habits, and anything having to do with or pertaining to bowel movements. We'll all be sitting at the kitchen table talking about the current economy and problems in the automotive industry and Grandma will shout out..."I shit 6 times a day".....OMG....didn't really need to know that....mom shouts out...."Mama Smurf only shits once a week"......OMG.....family didn't really need to know that either......It's something we've all laughed about over the years. We warn future family members (cousins' fiances and such) about this so they're not caught off guard at the 1st family holiday shit story. We NEVER get through a family get together without the subject of the conversation somehow turning to bowel movements....this isn't normal. I had to literally yell at my family to stop with the word "shit" because Hefty was sitting at the table soaking it all in. His teachers wonder where he gets his potty mouth.....welcome to my family!

Sunday we drove down to Toledo, Ohio for the boys 2nd meet of the season. They did fantastic. Hefty won 1st place all around and Dreamy won 2nd place all around....and I have to just throw in here that Dreamy was competing with kids who looked at least 2 - 3 years older than him. The kid who took 1st place was 12. They did great and we're very proud. They're already scoring higher all around scores than they were scoring at the END of last year's season in April!

Our doggy zapper is officially up and running as of about 1/2 hour ago! Yeay! They said it'll take maybe another week before I won't have to chase her down the street anymore. Next week they bump it up another notch....our dog may be black instead of white by next week if she doesn't learn quickly.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Parent teacher conferences

Papa Smurf & I had parent teacher conferences last night for the boys. It was painless! I'm so proud of my kids I can hardly stand it! Hefty's conference was 1st. When we got there his teacher and another of the 5th grade teachers were standing outside the rooms talking about Hefty...I got the feeling that they were standing there specifically so this other teacher could see who Hefty's parents were....maybe I'm wrong......His report card was all As.....3 As, 1 A-, & 1 A+. His teacher says he's a very smart boy....but needs to work on his self control....but he makes all the teachers laugh so they tend to let things slide. For instance...a couple weeks ago 1 of his teachers (the 5th grade teachers team teach....so Hefty actually has 3 different teachers) pulled Hefty aside for talking.....
Teacher: "Hefty, do you understand what NO TALKING means?"
Hefty: "Yes"
Teacher: "So you're as smart as you look?"
Hefty: "Yeah but that's not saying much"?

So he has learned how to make his teachers laugh so that it lessens the punishment.
This same teacher introduced himself at the Halloween party and told me that Hefty is the funniest kid he's had in his class...."he's so quick with the comebacks you just can't help but laugh" he told Hefty he wanted to start a book on the little things Hefty says everyday. Now if I could just have a filter installed between his brain and his mouth we'd be all set......

Then we had Dreamy's conferences. He got all A+s and 1 B+....She says he's a great kid and always helps the other kids in the class with their work when they have trouble with something. He's great at participating in class discussions and gets along great with all the kids. He's a perfectionist and always gives his best effort. He's very organized and responsible. What more could a mother ask for. She did say that he sometimes has a hard time focusing and is sometimes distracted easily and therefore doesn't always use his time productively....but hey...he's getting great grades and completes all his work so I really can't say a whole lot about that.

Looks like we're on the right track....

Thursday, November 15, 2007

How sweet!

Smurfette says to me in the car on the way to school yesterday...."I hope Alex is in school today".....I asked why and she said..."Because I hope he'll hold hands with me on the swings again".....we walked into the school and Alex was the 1st one there....she broke out into a huge grin....I think my daughter has her first crush....she's 4.....I thought I had at least another 10 years before I had to worry about this.

I love my husband. He's smart, witty, fun, caring, & looks real nice too.........if you see him tell him I said hi!

He's been working 13 - 15 hour days for the past month....hell, maybe even longer than that! I don't like being a single parent....I was not cut out for single parenthood....I need a break! I know I should be grateful that he has a job....I should be grateful that I have the luxury of staying home with the kids....but I need a break!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

verbal diarrhea

I'm a self proclaimed spit fire. I don't know when or HOW to shut up. The good news is you never have to wonder what I'm saying behind your back because 9 times out of 10 I'll say what's on my mind to your face. The bad news is....1) people don't like either...most people don't like to hear that others are talking about them behind their back but they also don't want to hear it said to their face.....& 2) my case of "spit fire" may be more appropriately called "verbal diarrhea"...I just can't seem to stop it from spewing out once I get started....so I know this is a problem...& I'm trying to improve this problem.... I found and bought the perfect shirt and just got it in the mail over the weekend. It says "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth"....I can't wait to wear it!

Monday, November 12, 2007

weekend recap

All I can remember about Friday (besides my miserable cold) is ...I took Smurfette shopping with me Friday to purchase Hefty's birthday gift. We both agreed that he would love the Spiderman 3 movie. Hefty came home from gymnastics and Smurfette ran up to him and said

Smurfette: "Hefty wanna know what your birthday present is"
Hefty: "NO!"
Smurfette: "Your getting Spiderman 3 movie"

Hefty then proceeded to have a complete 10 year old dramatic melt down because Smurfette "ruined the surprise"....&......"she always does that"......

me: "well, we'll just take it back and get you something else"
Hefty: "NO! It's still a good present....I still want it....how about you just don't take her shopping with you anymore!!" he's all but stomping his feet and throwing his body down in this dramatic display.....
me: (imagine a thought bubble floating over my head).....how about I just don't buy you anymore presents....problem solved....

So we tried to calmly teach Smurfette that birthday presents are a secret and people like to be surprised by not knowing what their gifts are.....she then proceeded to have a 30 minute melt down because Hefty yelled at her and she felt bad. So we told her that maybe if she said sorry and gave him a hug he'd forgive her. She went in his room sobbing and wouldn't say anything so Papa smurf tried to prompt her and said.."well, go ahead....give him a hug....tell him your sorry"......Smurfette then starts wailing and says "BUT I'M SCARED".

fast forward 1/2 hour.......Hefty comes upstairs from the basement and says...."mom, I was rolling a ball in the basement and it accidentally opened the door to Papa Smurf's workroom....and there was a bike in there". Is NOTHING sacred!!?? I had brought home a bike last week from Toys R Us for Dreamy for Christmas....the poor kid has never had a "new" bike...he always gets Hefty's hand-me-downs...so we decided that this time he'd get his very own "new" bike. I figured Papa Smurf's work room was as good a hiding place as any until Papa Smurf could get it up in the attic....I need to come up with a better hiding spot!

Saturday Papa Smurf worked a full day ....spent the afternoon getting ready for Sunday's meet. Dropped Gracie off at the "Pet Hotel" and Smurfette off at Grandmas for her sleep over. She loves staying with Grandma. Also played with my camera for a bit...look at our Gracie...

Sunday was the boy's first meet of the season. It was a practice meet in Saginaw. They did awesome! There were no medals or trophies just scores and judges critique. Telling the boys how they could have improved in each event. It was a great way for the boys to get a feel for where they are before the season begins. They've come a long way since our move to the new gym/coach last May. We've seen a HUGE improvement in their form and technique.

Dreamy Smurf on Parallel Bars

Hefty Smurf on High Bar

Friday, November 9, 2007

My charming sons may not make it to their teenage years!

We received ANOTHER phone call from the school on Wednesday....this would be #3 since the beginning of the school year. Hefty Smurf has inherited his mother's knack for speaking before engaging his brain. I'm not even going to put in here what he said because, quite frankly, I'M embarrassed! The things that come from his mouth should not be coming from a 10 year old's mouth. He's such a good kid....he's a straight "A" student....his teachers love him and tell me what a wonderful sense of humor he has.......BUT........he doesn't think before he opens his mouth. The sad thing is...my mom received the exact same phone call from my gym teacher....Mrs. Porter....aka "Torpedo Tits"..... about my "mouth" back when I was in 7th or 8th grade (I was a LITTLE older). We let the 1st 2 incidents slide with a stern warning but felt that maybe we need to get tougher this time.....So we made him write a note of apology to his teacher explaining that it won't happen again and why swearing is inappropriate anywhere...but especially in school....and he is now my slave child for the next week....maybe a week of slavery will clean his mouth up....& if not.....at least I got something out of all this aggravation!

That same day....Dreamy Smurf says to me...."mom, I punched a kid today at recess....BUT....he threw the 1st punch"......OH MY GOD where did these kids come from!!?? He then promptly reminded me that some time ago we had a conversation & I told him it was ok to defend himself...if someone hits him and he sees no other option to defend himself ......then ....no I won't be angry with him for hitting someone in self defense. Some parents may have a problem with that but my kids are going to be the little guys and may be more prone to being picked on so I want them to not fear defending themselves. Anyway....apparently this kid has been bothering him for awhile at recess and (according to Dreamy) just ran up to him and punched him right in the stomache "for no reason"......so....Dreamy punched him back. Dreamy Smurf may be small but he's very strong from gymnastics. According to Dreamy the kid hasn't bothered him since. I wanted to give him a high five but decided it probably wasn't the parental thing to do.....so.....I instead said if he bothers you again maybe you should just tell one of the recess ladies. Another parent of the year award down the drain.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Talking to myself again....

I received a phone call yesterday and the more I think about the conversation that took place...the angrier I get. This person was a long lost friend of mine that I met when I was 15 and lost touch with once I got married. He found me online through myspace and got my number from information. Haven't seen or spoken to him in almost 12 years.

I'm not very good at stating an effective argument when I've been insulted off guard. I sit there dumbfounded with my mouth hanging open like an idiot wondering how anyone would act like that....then when the conversation is complete I go over and over in my head the things I SHOULD have said. So this blog entry is my conversation with my self....

The beginning of the conversation started off pretty typical....How've you been? How's life? How's the family? That's great....glad to hear it....so on and so forth....but then the conversation took a dramatic leap.....he says...."well the reason I called is because I've become very involved in my Baptist church...blah blah blah....we're working on inviting people to join our church.....blah blah blah....and I wanted to invite you and your family to join us for our service this Sunday." At this point I'll be honest and say that I was a little taken aback by the drastic shift in the conversation...but whatever....I told him politely that I appreciated the invitation but my husband and I are very happy with our church and have no interest in switching.

him: "oh....are you still going to catholic church?"

me: "no".....I told him the story about the last experience we had with the catholic church and why we left and how we then went on a search for a church...explained that we found this church because we heard so many people speak so highly of it and we decided to try a service and it ended up being a perfect fit for us.

him: "can I ask which church"

me: "sure....we go to Kensington"

him: "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TTAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMY!!!" His voice is just dripping with a condescending arrogance that immediately makes my eyebrows raise and the hairs on my neck stand.....I'm pretty sure I'm about to be attacked.....

me: complete silence

him: "that's not a church....that's just a 'feel good' service"

me: "that's probably why I like it....it makes me feel good and inspired when I leave...and my kids love going because it makes THEM 'feel good'"

him: "church is suppose to teach you the word of the Lord and how you can be a better person not just make you feel good"

me: "huh" this is the point that I pretty much went silent and tried to change the subject because my face was turning purple and I was getting just a smidge upset at this guys' pompous attitude. "again, I can honestly say that I will NOT be joining the Baptist religion."

him: (refusing to take no for an answer)....."can I ask why not"

me: "it's just not for me.....it's not for my husband....or for our family....and we're happy where we're at"

him: (again, refusing to take no for an answer)...but how can you say that when you don't know anything about our religion.

me: "I know enough to know that I don't want to be a part of it"......If I wasn't turned off before I certainly am after THIS conversation. One of my best friends growing up was Baptist and I know that the way her family was is NOT the way I want my family to be. Her father was a very arrogant, pompous, opinionated, judgemental, holier than thow person who made me feel that I would be going straight to hell for not believing in what they believed in....they were constantly trying to "save" me from myself by bringing me to their baptist church services....It irked me then and it irks me now....but I would never sit before them and tell them that MY church is BETTER....good for them for finding something that works for their family. Same thing with the Catholic religion....I've always had my issues with the hypocrisy of the catholic religion....you can sin as many times as you want but just come confess those sins to another sinning priest whose computer is filled with child pornography and do your assigned penance and you'll be absolved of those sins so you can start fresh this week.......the incident with Jordyn's Baptism was just the last straw. But I certainly don't look down on those that still follow the catholic religion....good for them for finding something that works for their family. When the whole baptism thing went down I had someone say to me....I understand how you feel but don't give up on the catholic religion....I can't leave the church because I just can't help but think that one day there will come a time when I'll really need someone....someone to lean on....give me advice...or help with a severe problem.." To which I responded "I can't ever imagine something so horrible in my life happening that I would chose to confide in a priest over friends or family".......but.....I'm glad that the Catholic Church gives YOU that sense of security.

The arrogant, pompous, know-it-all, judgemental, opinionated ways of these churches is EXACTLY the reason we don't go there.....

I found the following description at Kensington's website and it sums up our church and the reasons we love our church beautifully!

At Kensington, Our pastors are real people with real solutions to real problems. They tackle tough issues head on with practical advice straight from the Bible. They show how God wants to be involved in our lives and the help only he can offer. And they do it in real, everyday language we can all understand.
No Hymns, No Pews, And No Excuses Not To Come. Instead of an organ and choir, we have a dynamic band playing music that matters to you. Instead of ritual and routine, we have compelling dramas, comedy skits, and exciting multi-media. All designed to present biblical truths and how they apply to your everyday life.
A New Way To Do Church. Our casual, relaxed atmosphere is a place to investigate Christianity without guilt or pressure. A place to grow spiritually at your own pace. With unconditional love, support, and acceptance during your journey. No strings attached. So come as you are. Go as you want to be. From modern dance to computer animation, we approach church with a wide range of artistic expression and a sense of humor. And we build this freshness and fun into our children's and youth programs, too.

K I'm done....I feel better......

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

I was mistaken...

turns out it wasn't brain cancer after all...imagine that......just the beginnings of a cold. I've been a germophobe for the past month avoiding contact with my entire family as they have 1 by 1 gone through a nasty head/chest cold. My hands are raw and chapped from washing them countless times a day. I've been very conscious about keeping my hands away from my mouth...I'm a compulsive cuticle bitter....no kisses....hugs only....and still......the germs won. Get out the finger violins...I'm officially miserable....and currently wallowing in self pity...very unbecoming I know...but there you have it...I'm a wallower.

Monday, November 5, 2007

I have brain cancer again.....

My head hurts....I mean really hurts....the kind of hurt that can only be caused by cancer...I'm guessing the tumor is located directly behind my eyeballs. By my best estimations I have approximately 1 hour before brain matter will start oozing from my ears and nostrils....2 hours before my eyes pop from their sockets from the pressure....and 3 hours before death....


ran 9 miles yesterday with Dianne and her friend. It Felt awesome.....no soreness today.... I'm back on the fitness wagon. Took a class this afternoon at the gym that hits and strengthens every major muscle group. I'll be hurting tomorrow. Gave up....again....on the whole diet thing....trying to do Atkins during Halloween just wasn't one of my more brilliant ideas. Every year after Halloween the boys' school does the forgotten harvest candy collection asking each kid to bring in any extra candy they don't want for underprivileged kids in the area. Last year after trick or treating....I handed each of the 3 kids a gallon sized zip lock bag and told them to fill it for the forgotten harvest... with 3 kids' worth of trick or treating we had a ridiculous amount of candy. So my oldest takes the bag and tells the others "well we may as well just give away all the chocolate because you know mom's just going to eat it all anyway!".......brat....go to your room!.........LOL......

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Stop making me laugh I'm trying to be mad at you!

So, me and my darling husband were perched in front of the tv and realized it was getting late. Time for the kids to get ready for bed. So we call them upstairs from the dungeon to begin the inevitable ritualistic scream fest that takes place almost nightly in our home...asking the boys to shut the lights off down stairs...they come up 10 minutes later the lights are still on...."boys I asked you to shut the lights off"...."oh yeah, sorry"....they go down stairs and turn the main lights off but the tv and bathroom lights are still on...10 minutes later, "boys did you shut ALL the lights off?" ....."I think so".....they go back down stairs....and so on....and so on.....it usually takes 1/2 an hour to get everything turned off in the basement. This is a nightly occurance....

Then the brushing of the teeth begins.....

"go brush your teeth".............Apparently they didn't hear me........"GO brush your teeth".........still didn't hear me.........."DREAMY, look at me ....I said LOOK at me and FOCUS.......GO.....BRUSH........YOUR........TEETH"......."oh OK....geez.....you don't have to yell I'm right here". Now my jaws are hurting from grinding my teeth. I'm trying to count to ten and deep breathe. Then they spend the next 15 minutes in the bathroom laughing and carrying on abnoxiously....... I here things banging around ...they must be wrestling again.....until I'm yelling because I still don't hear the water running....I enter the bathroom and they're standing in front of the mirror making silly faces and smearing toothpaste on the counter and picking on Smurfette until she's screaming....."BRUUUSSSSSHHHHH YYYYOOOUUURRRRRR TTTEEEEEEEETH!!!!!!!!" My eyes are rolling to the back of my head my head is spinning and my face is turning purple......Brushing teeth shouldn't be a 45 minute venture....2 minutes max.....so I'm irritated and telling the boys that we really don't have to go through this every night if they would just listen and focus on doing what I ask them to do all our lives would be so much easier......I'm trying to give them "The Look".......but through my voice as they are in the bathroom while I'm talking from the great room.....and as I'm giving them my stern speech they come prancing into the great room like this.......

I'm guessing my stern speech became ineffective once I started laughing at their goofyness.